To go LC with PILs because FIL voted for Trump?

[EachotherAndAnother]

I've been married for 18 years, two primary-aged DC. My ILs are American. They live about 20 mins drive from us (in the UK). For most of my marriage we've gotten along fine-ish, although I've often felt like they cross a lot of boundaries and have learned to be judicious about how much I open up to them. But they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.
They've occasionally made comments that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I've dismissed them as typical boomer nonsense - e.g. the idea that poor people are usually poor because they've make bad choices. They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division. But by and large I keep my conversations with them superficial and manage to rub along ok. The DC adore them.
But - I recently found out that FIL voted for Trump. Any time a controversial issue has come up regarding politics in the US, the conversation gets shut down very quickly, but I had my suspicions and these are now confirmed. And maybe it's ridiculous but I just can't stomach being around them anymore - I'm disgusted that he felt a man like that deserved to be elevated to the role of president and I'm furious about the havoc that is unleashing in the States and elsewhere. I don't want my daughter (in particular, but also not my son) spending time with them, I just feel like they're completely different people from me, with completely different values.
They are oblivious to how I feel and would feel blindsided if I brought it up. We would definitely not be able to have a productive conversation about it. So AIBU to just quietly stop accepting invitations, offers of help etc and gradually distance my family from theirs, or is that a massive overreaction?

They are good in-laws and good grandparents....what they voted on the past obviously doesn't not suddenly make them bad in-laws and grandparents.

If they bring up politics I would shut it down saying that our politics don't align and refuse to have any further discussions with them.
I think cutting them off is unreasonable and cruel.

Most of us spend every day at work or in families with people whoes politics we don't agree with and yes, it might make us feel differently about those people.....but it is a democracy no matter how deluded we think they are.

I feel like this about people who voted Labour at our last GE and brought this complete shit show into UK government. I’ve not cut anyone off over their political views though, I just avoid discussing politics with them.

Some very helpful and clear-headed responses on this thread, so thank you.

I apologise for saying "typical boomer nonsense" - that was ageist and ignorant as many have pointed out. My own parents are boomers and hold very different views, so if I'd thought about that phrasing for two seconds I wouldn't have used it.

To clarify a few things, I wouldn't keep the grandkids from them. I would just decline most invitations myself - DH and the DC would go. I don't like the idea of the DC being exposed to their views (see the previous comments about "minorities", poor people etc), but I suppose they will encounter them elsewhere anyway and it's my job to teach the alternative.

I don't know whether FIL still supports Trump. He shuts down any conversations that look like they're heading that way. (Or any conversations where the other person disagrees with him - hence me saying we wouldn't be able to have a productive conversation.) I grew up in a home where all issues and views were open for discussion, and many dinnertimes included a debate about some issue or other. DH said that growing up in his home was very "everyone toes the party line", "this is what we believe in our family". Just different family dynamics I suppose.

To those asking what DH thinks, he feels very disenfranchised (? possibly not the right word) from his parents. He loves them and believes they are good people but feels that he was brainwashed as a child into the views of evangelical American Christianity, and resents that aspect of his upbringing.

To those talking about "liberals", that's not really a thing in the UK (yet!) as our politics aren't quite as polarised as in the States (yet!) So I lean left on many issues, and right on some.

Anyway, thank you for all the comments and insight. It seems that most believe IABU, and that outside perspective is what I came here for so that's helpful.

Bill Clinton, too. Should I refuse to speak to everyone who voted for him?

I was relieved when trump left office the first time, but what he did wasn't anything like this.

I think this is an issue with the left, and I say this as a card carrying leftie myself. Apparently it’s ok to dismiss the right and ignore them because they’re stupid, inferior, wrong and we’re the intelligent ones with all of the answers.

Millions of people voted for Trump, some of them highly intelligent and shrewd. Same for Farage. I don’t agree with any of their political views whatsoever but can listen to their supporters without feeling repulsed in some way. It’s just politics in the end, most of us have a view of some sort and we can’t all agree.

Of course she “knows better than them” if what is going on in the US at the moment doesn’t led you to the conclusion Trump is a dangerous megalomanic and every one who voted for him is at best a fool and at worst evil then you are beyond help too.

@EachotherAndAnother I’m really surprised at the vote here, you are absolutely not unreasonable, his views could have a dangerous impact on your kids and teaches your girl she matters less for a whole heap of reasons. Personally I’d give him a piece of my mind then never speak to him again but appreciate a slow fade is probably less dramatic. What does your husband say about his father?

I totally agree with you here. Be angry with the Democrats rather than disillusioned voters. Were I American I can honestly say idk how I would have voted or if I would have voted. It’s easy in hindsight to say I would never have voted Trump and condemn anyone, who did.

I’m surpised by the number of posters who would support a racist relative.

and teaches your girl she matters less for a whole heap of reasons.

And you don't think the Democrats teach girls, and women, that when they advocate for the removal of womens hard won sex-based spaces and rights? There is a reason Trump played the 'Kamala is for They/Them' ad 10 times more than his other ads in swing states. Even the Democrats' own internal polling shows Gender Ideology was the third reason for Democrat voters turning against them. When the current Dems double down in the Senate and vote to allow men to take womens sports scholarships and medals, what message do you think that sends to young girls? It tells girls we aren't worth shit. That men's 'feelz' come first, and women and girls safety in sports and fair sport comes last.

So don't act like the Democrats are womens friends.

Probably none of your business who they voted for.

I'm a POC and I don't see how they're racist.

Oh God every time someone expresses an opinion that doesn’t match their own they try to shut it down by claiming “Oh they must be a Trump supporter”.

I think it says something about how intolerance is becoming really normalised. Every election my family all seem to vote for different parties, some voted for brexit, others are were firm remainers, it has never ever been something any one of us would cut the others off for. You can disagree with someone on a lot of stuff and know they are a well intentioned human being nonetheless.

As pp pointed out, you may hold political beliefs they find beyond the pale but they were tolerant enough to help you house yourself and they help you with their children. Maybe their friends should have counselled them to not give you a penny or have anything to do with your children because of your beliefs? Would that have seemed unreasonable to you?

My American relatives have posted "I Stand With ICE" and "ICE ICE Baby" memes on facebook but I would dream of breaking ties with them over it. They are good, decent people who have differing political views than I do.

Well OP was fine with the racism, just not voting Trump so I’m surprised given that OP is so morally pure it took this to tip her over the edge.

I don't know if they're racist in all respects. But they tried to dissuade BIL from marrying SIL purely because she's black, and because whenever anyone else in the extended family has married a non-white person, they feel that that person has caused problems in the family dynamic.
I included that in my OP because although it was years ago, and although they are wonderful in so many other ways, that has always stuck with me and I've struggled to move past it.
I should mention that I am mixed-race myself, but they have said they don't think of me as brown because my family is culturally (food, clothing etc) white, and have expressed surprise that I think of myself that way. They have never excluded me from things on the basis of my skin colour.

You can disagree with peoples voting choices (and really that’s between them and the ballot box, none of your business) but to cut contact with them because of it is a bit silly.

FWIW I loathe Trump but just think people who vote for him are a but dense, I wouldn’t feel the need for no contact…

Kamala as VP sent a congratulatory card to a male in womanface to mark his one year of cosplaying as a woman. Which was (and still is) a kick in the teeth to all women. Imagine her reaction if someone sent Rachel Dolezal or some other person in blackface a card to celebrate them spending one year in blackface. I don't think she would be 'best pleased'. To say the least. People, including leftwing Democrat-voting lesbians saw that. And took note.

And then, voted accordingly.

As I said, Trump being President is solely the fault, blame and on the hands of the Democratic party. They are solely 100% to blame for Trump being President. No one else.

Ah, ok. That is a worry then.

I wasn't "fine" with the racism. I supported BIL and SIL in the events surrounding that discussion. I just didnt want to write a 3-page long OP detailing every interaction we've had.
But you're right that I didn't cut contact with PILs over it.
I think the Trump issue has just brought a lot of other comments and interactions to a head in my own mind, and I'm trying to figure out what (if anything) to do about it.

Because they willingly and knowingly voted for a racist President.

They also made a derogatory remark about people of colour who married into the family.

I appreciate the posters pointing out that voters who don't support identity politics were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Oh dear I do long for the days when people kept it private information as to who they voted for. If you can't get along with someone who has different views from you then yes, you are being unreasonable. You sound superior and condescending. Perhaps you could learn something from previous generations.

But it's a thread about people who voted for Trump?

I agree.