To go LC with PILs because FIL voted for Trump?

[EachotherAndAnother]

I've been married for 18 years, two primary-aged DC. My ILs are American. They live about 20 mins drive from us (in the UK). For most of my marriage we've gotten along fine-ish, although I've often felt like they cross a lot of boundaries and have learned to be judicious about how much I open up to them. But they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.
They've occasionally made comments that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I've dismissed them as typical boomer nonsense - e.g. the idea that poor people are usually poor because they've make bad choices. They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division. But by and large I keep my conversations with them superficial and manage to rub along ok. The DC adore them.
But - I recently found out that FIL voted for Trump. Any time a controversial issue has come up regarding politics in the US, the conversation gets shut down very quickly, but I had my suspicions and these are now confirmed. And maybe it's ridiculous but I just can't stomach being around them anymore - I'm disgusted that he felt a man like that deserved to be elevated to the role of president and I'm furious about the havoc that is unleashing in the States and elsewhere. I don't want my daughter (in particular, but also not my son) spending time with them, I just feel like they're completely different people from me, with completely different values.
They are oblivious to how I feel and would feel blindsided if I brought it up. We would definitely not be able to have a productive conversation about it. So AIBU to just quietly stop accepting invitations, offers of help etc and gradually distance my family from theirs, or is that a massive overreaction?

In a two party country, this happens. A lot of us head for the middle ground in the UK if we don't identify with the two main parties here. Americans can't. They have to go one way or the other. And if you're strongly against what the democrats are about, and you feel more positive about an element (probably the financial side) of what the Republicans are about, then you might well vote that way, even if you're not keen on their presidential candidate. Some people will never dream of voting for what they've seen as the opposition all their lives. And they can't compromise by voting the equivalent of Lib Dem or Green, because there are no other parties.

I met an American guy on a recent trip to another country. He was a relative of my host, and was a really nice guy. We had some long chats and did a couple of wakks together. He was very thoughtful and kind. After he left I was talking to my host about him and saying how nice he seemed. Host said "yes, he's a really nice guy, but it's a pity about his politics". I'd had no inkling that he was a Trump voter.

You say that your in-laws are great and that they've been really generous to you. It would be ridiculous to go NC because of the way FIL voted.

Most sensible thing anyone has said on this thread

He hasn’t cut you or your family off and presumably they think your views are equally “wrong”. In fact they’ve helped you financially.
You describe them as hospitable and generous and your kids adore them.They sound like nice people.

Trump has changed the goalposts several times. I’m not sure voted for this version of him.

OP is in the UK so all the talk about "liberals" is irrelevant in

That's probably because you can tolerate alternative viewpoints and people who hold them.

And then the American political system is broken surely.

I mean are your in laws happy with how things are going?

Productive conversations improve relationships.

I loathe Trump, and I also struggle with this type of thing. However, I have decided it’s better to build bridges and attempt to have empathy for people who might have very different life experiences, access to information, etc. Silo-ing politically is bad for the world IMO.

I would try to figure out why they voted for him, what they were thinking. Also what do they think about his actions now?
Voting for Trump itself wouldn’t be enough for me to go LC but it would encourage me to look at their values carefully and then to make a decision.
I know you said that your DC adore them but people’s views and values do matter and affect how they treat their nearest and dearest.

I get you, OP. I really wouldn't be able to look at him in the same way ever again because Trump is sooo awful.

I wonder if he still supports Trump now? That would be interesting to hear.

I hate the man but taking away with his grandchildren? Sorry but OTT. Everyone is entitled to vote for who they like.

Just carry on as you are. It's ridiculous to cut off your children's grandparents because of the way they voted.

@ absolutely no point in talking to a Trump supporter about anything meaningful. Keep it surface level, polite, stay in your own lane, keep your standards high. Limit your children’s exposure to the blatant bigotry, talk to them about privilege, poverty, minority groups, consent, bodily autonomy etc to counteract the nonsense from their grandparents.

Ageist much.

I agree with this.

you sound insufferable OP. I’m embarrassed for you.

I loathe Trump but I'd never ever cut my DC off from people who love them. I actually think that'd be a really wicked thing to do, causing immense hurt on both sides.
They may have different or even extreme political views but your PIL love your DC and show that in multiple ways.

My late father a life long liberal would have no time for today's uneducated rabid supporters.

Yep, me too. Putting aside how the FIL voted, once upon a time we respected our elders. And their experience, and wisdom, that age brought them. Now disrespectful, rude and arrogant little kids call their elders 'boomers'. Putting aside that the OP may be right about her FIL on this, disrespecting your elders by calling them 'boomers' is something a rude little brat does. I have less time for vile kids who call elders 'boomers' than I do for Trump voters. And that says something. As far as I'm concerned the minute you dismiss an elder as a 'boomer', nothing you have to say has any value at all, whatsoever. You're just ignorant and ill-educated.

The Democrats have embraced identity politics to such a degree that they’ve alienated many ‘average’ people...The idea that anyone who voted Republican somehow embodies all the Republicans soundbites (guns/anti abortion/Church) is clearly not the case.

You forgot to put racism and xenophobia between your neat little brackets. (Not to mention a few other deadly prejudices, but let's not split hairs.)

That's unhinged. Shame on you.

I would just distance myself from them a bit, but it should have been obvious they would
vote for Trump tbh with the racist comments they had spouted previously. It surely would have been more surprising if they hadn’t.

That fact that you feel ok to air your prejudice towards old folk in the 1st few lines of this post, shows you probably have more in common with your FIL than you think.

I also think OP needs to consider just how bad the Democrats have gotten that people felt they had no choice but to vote Republican. I know of a few lesbians who voted for Trump solely because of the Democrats obsession with trans and removing women and girls hard won sex-based spaces and rights. A couple of them even took selfies of themselves at the machine, voting. And they genuinely are very left wing. But they had absolutely NO choice.

If anything, OP needs to be fucking furious at the Democrats for throwing the election and giving it away to Trump on a gold platter by turning their backs on womens rights. Trump only won because the Democrats abandoned 50% of the voting population - women. So be angry and furious at the Democrats for Trump being elected. And they are currently doubling down and tripling down. The Democrats have not...learned...a....fucking....thing. They will go down with the ship, clinging to their anti-womens rights agenda, as they go underwater. They won't learn! So the Trumps of American politics will keep getting elected, and people like the OP will keep wondering why. And so it continues.

@baroqueandblue
Could we stop with the “shame on you” shit. So judgey. Shame is a personal feeling, not one others should be forcing on people arbitrarily . Disgusting.

How nasty of you to keep the grandkids away when they adore their grandparents. Massive overreaction.

My parents voted for Brexit, despite both being immigrants. It never occurred to me to reduce contact with them because I don’t share their political views. I find even the notion behind the OP bizarre. If you want to find an excuse to reduce contact with them, sure use Trump. But cutting off family because you don’t share their politics is really odd.