To go LC with PILs because FIL voted for Trump?

[EachotherAndAnother]

I've been married for 18 years, two primary-aged DC. My ILs are American. They live about 20 mins drive from us (in the UK). For most of my marriage we've gotten along fine-ish, although I've often felt like they cross a lot of boundaries and have learned to be judicious about how much I open up to them. But they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.
They've occasionally made comments that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I've dismissed them as typical boomer nonsense - e.g. the idea that poor people are usually poor because they've make bad choices. They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division. But by and large I keep my conversations with them superficial and manage to rub along ok. The DC adore them.
But - I recently found out that FIL voted for Trump. Any time a controversial issue has come up regarding politics in the US, the conversation gets shut down very quickly, but I had my suspicions and these are now confirmed. And maybe it's ridiculous but I just can't stomach being around them anymore - I'm disgusted that he felt a man like that deserved to be elevated to the role of president and I'm furious about the havoc that is unleashing in the States and elsewhere. I don't want my daughter (in particular, but also not my son) spending time with them, I just feel like they're completely different people from me, with completely different values.
They are oblivious to how I feel and would feel blindsided if I brought it up. We would definitely not be able to have a productive conversation about it. So AIBU to just quietly stop accepting invitations, offers of help etc and gradually distance my family from theirs, or is that a massive overreaction?

In the book 1984 everyone gets together for the 2 minutes hate each day. The figure of hate is a person called Emanuel Goldstein. Orwell was a shrewd man, who had an ability to see thru partisan nonsense. There’s a good argument to be made that Trump is an Emanuel Goldstein character.

What does your husband think of you wanting to cut his kids off from his parents? Imagine if you split, he moves in with them, and they see the grandparents 50%.

Shocked people are voting YABU when you've stated your IL's are clearly racist! That in itself is enough to go LC. Says a lot about society that so many people on here are telling you in the comments that YABU but ignoring that part. Sad.

Sorry-I can see circumstances where I would think you were being entirely reasonable-but I stopped reading at “typical boomer nonsense”. Can’t be doing with ageism.

And it's certainly not an overreaction if they continue to support someone with values like Trump's and all the things he is accused of doing.

Dont discuss politics,simple.

Please read the OP thoroughly, or perhaps you replied to the wrong thread, @RBowmama . Absolutely NOWHERE does the OP even remotely suggest, let alone state, that the IL's are racist. On the contrary, she says they are lovely and hospitable people who do a lot for her.

Jesus fucking Christ.

But if the cap fits?

Perhaps Trump's apologists need to develop some 'healthy shame.' (Look it up.)

I know, clearly they hold those views too or at least sympathetic towards it.

As far as I am concerned, Americans that voted for Trump are no different from the Germans that voted for Hitler.

The US is pretty much a fascist state now and I don't blame OP for not wanting to spend time with someone who knowingly and deliberately voted for a racist and adjudicated sex offender who tried to overturnn the results of an election that he didn't win.

He is even worse second time round and what is going on in the US at the moment is utterly disgusting. He is a sociopath who is a danger to all other NATO countries and their citizens.

They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division

So yeah, that is the suggestion of racism right there…

never mind thing what he might do. he was a rapist! and we know what he did 1st time in office

Do you know why? A lot of people are actually pretty thick (sorry) and often stick to one particular issue they are passionate about. For example some mumsnetters would vote for him because he does not support the trans movement. They would literally accept everything else he has done because of that. Pretty disturbing considering he is overall much, much more dangerous for women. I digress.

Point is, what are his reasons? Does he still feel the same way? Id find it very hard to be close to someone like that but I would keep civility for the children.

“they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.”

OP, hang on to that. They have tried to be good to you, and you are allowed (as they are) to have different political opinions. Do you agree with every last belief of your friends or other family? If their politics are right wing, perhaps it’s a question of not being able to vote for Kamala rather than actively voting for Trump. Do you believe in freedom of speech and people’s rights to hold their own opinions? Because if so, you have to allow people to hold opinions that you personally find abhorrent.

Politics should be kept out of friendships and relationships. 🤷‍♀️

I think you have to accept that your FIL is ignorant, naive and fairly right wing

I wouldn't leave children alone with someone with those views when dcs are 8- 16 and opinions are being formed. Robustly counter any views he expresses. Call it out every time in front of the dcs so they know such views are not acceptable.

But cutting people off is probably a step too far for me.

I think Trump is an actual facist (plus a sociopathic megalomaniac whose only desire is to feed his own ego and line his pockets).

Kind of hard to be mates with someone who voted for a facist 🤷‍♀️

somewhat forgivable if they changed their mind now and were horrified at what had gone on since re-election

I would feel the same as you.

My ILs live a couple of hours drive away so we don’t see them very often. They are nice enough people on the face of it and the kids love them but every so often a little comment comes out that would hint towards their politics and I have to choose to ignore or change the subject fast as I don’t want to get into an argument with them. I have never heard them say anything openly offensive but I’ve heard enough hints that they may be Reform-y or heading that way. That is not my politics.

They’re my family albeit we’re not super close and I don’t want to fall out with them for the sake of harmony so it’s just best to steer clear of certain topics.

Point I’m making OP, is that it’s probably just best to see your FIL as a nice grandad to your kids and don’t get into talking about topics you know you won’t like his response.

I'm a "boomer". Yes, a lot of my generation spout nonsense, and are horrible blinkered unsympathetic people. And yes, anyone knows better than a Trump voter. Even before he entered politics it was obvious he was a dishonest and downright nasty person. Ask anyone who had the misfortune to do business with him.

My aunt and uncle, who we are close to .voted Brexit and admired David Cameron. I love ❤ them dearly. If we all agreed it would be wierd!

It’s unfair to everyone involved. Your children will miss out on an otherwise loving set of grandparents (you don’t even know if your MIL voted for trump). Your DH was raised by these people, do you consider him to be a racist bigot?

They have helped you financially and with childcare and you didn’t question it until recently when you found out FIL in voted Trump (surely that would have been obvious?).

Before you decide to reduce contact maybe have a conversation with them and see their point of view. In life we come across people that we don’t share the same views with, but you can’t change peoples minds by cutting them out of your life. Shouldn’t you be the role model to your children and teach them that grandparents views are outdated but you can’t change peoples still sit with them over dinner and argue your views.

I felt similar to you when I found out my PIL voted for Brexit. But that’s democracy for you. I think you need to separate politics from family or it will drive you mad. I get where you’re coming from but YABU

YABU. I dislike Trump as much as the next person, but you have shown yourself to be just as bigoted as they are with a comment like "typical boomer nonsense".