Are all fathers creepy?

[Alex122022]

My experience in a different thread (on swimming pool changing room etiquette) has been quite interesting: there seems to be a widely shared opinion that all men are creeps and there are never any innocent explanations for their behaviour.

While I completely agree that a father in a women's changing room - especially when there are older girls - is inappropriate, I can easily see how this could happen without any ulterior motive. Be it simply ignorance or lack of judgement.

I experienced the same on playgrounds: playing hide & seek with my daughter? Mothers approach my DW and tell her that "a perv" is watching the children. Playing with DD - well meaning mothers asking her whether she is ok or needs help.

AIBU to think this is a bit excessive?

You are actually endangering children with your approach, because - for whatever reason - you minimise the actual risk to children by focusing on a small, visible group.

I'm not sure I understand your point - are you saying that women are the ones causing risk to children by keeping all men (rather than just the creepy ones) out of female spaces?

The worst thing about misogyny is it makes men look bad!

No - I mean that @RedToothBrush endangers children by emphasising the risk from men who behave suspiciously, when many people who pose an actual risk are very good in hiding their intentions. If this was the case, safeguarding would be much easier - so they essentially trivialise a fairly difficult and complex problem.

And those acting in good faith don't necessarily make it easier, because even well intentioned behaviour can put children at risk.

For the avoidance of doubt: this has nothing to do with expectations of behaviour of men or women, but rather the naïve approach to safeguarding promoted here.

No you just haven't got the first fucking clue about what safeguarding is mate.

You are trying to suggest it's something else because you don't like safeguarding and you don't like it that you've been identified as a safeguarding risk.

That's why you started this thread. To 'prove' us wrong.

If you act like a creep, expect to be treated like one regardless of your intentions. We don't give a fuck about your intentions.

I actually do. It's part of my job.

Well I don't believe you and if you do, you do it badly and that's quite scary.

But once again here you are telling us you know best.

You ask us how to behave around a women's changing room when your daughter is older and then expect us to believe safeguarding is part of your job.
If it really is then massive 🚩🚩🚩

I know. Has professional understanding of the topic at hand but doesn't think to mention it until 17 pages in? Yeah right.

I just talk to you - because you are the only one making preposterous claims.

These are two quite different aspects, aren't they? @RedToothBrush makes some dangerous claims about safeguarding - and I respond to them.

The role of safeguarding in the context of clothes shopping in a public store is quite different. Not everything that makes other people feel uncomfortable is a safeguarding issue - and not all safeguarding issues necessarily make other people feel uncomfortable (which is where @RedToothBrush clearly seems to misunderstand the concept).

In what way does it relate to safeguarding to ask for the most appropriate way to avoid being in the changing area while still being supportive? I appreciate that English is not my first language, but still - did I express myself so badly?

It's not relevant, is it? This has nothing to do with safeguarding but with behaviour that makes others comfortable - or not comfortable.

@RedToothBrush seems to believe by quoting non-existing rules they make themselves sound more authoritative, but in that case the appeals should be grounded in fact not phantasy.

Oh no, you're expressing yourself just right.

You're accidently saying what you mean rather than saying what you want us to believe.

Please do point out where I said what you mean I said.

When I learned to swim with my DF and DB we all changed in the men’s changing room. When I was 7/8 I went in the women’s on my own.

When I took my DSs swimming they changed with me in the women’s until they were 8. Then they went in the men’s on their own.

That is what should happen. It is not acceptable that a Dad is in the women’s changing rooms where there are likely to be older girls.

Why? So you can tell me how wrong I am and then say that I'm actually a danger to children, all the while telling the dozens of women on this thread that their viewpoints and experiences aren't valid because you are a man and therefore know better?

No thanks.

In other words - you know that I never said. Thanks.

Gosh I am just so surprised that you haven't listened at all so you can paint yourself as a victim.

Glad I was sitting down for that mind blowing turn of events.