Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

[DorisLessingsCat]

It’s amazing that there is more awareness, understanding and visibility of peri-menopause and menopause but AIBU that it’s not always the main cause of whatever is going on in your life? More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

Of course not, but if you are a women 40+ when you experience a sustained change in how you are feeling or an increase in a particular unhelpful emotion and you don't have a clear reason then it is helpful to consider where peri menopause is either the reason or is at least part of the reason.
I know for myself a couple of years ago I was feeling utterly dreadful, HRT was part of the answer, it absolutely wasn't the magic cure, there were other things I needed to address but it was an important thing to get right. It can be difficult as often in our 40s we have lots of pressures and challenges and we can attribute increased anxiety, troubles sleeping, decreased motivation etc to those issues solely. They may be playing a part but if you are peri-menopausal and not on HRT there's also a good chance that will be making things more difficult and I think it's positive people suggest considering it now as part of the answer.

I think it’s more a symptom of this message board, and the sort of community that are attracted.

same with the gender disparity perception that every man is to blame whatever the question etc.

Of course not. However, its certainly not just a mere coincidence that as soon as I hit mid 40s my periods started flooding, my hair got brittle, I became horribly anxious, I couldn't sleep etc Nothing in my external world had changed and the moment I started HRT things got better. My GP tried to prescribe me an anti depressant which did jack shit because it was all hormonal.

In my experience, doctors are woefully ignorant about hormonal changes in women and tend to misdiagnose women with depression or other things rather than admit it might be hormonal.

Iron deficiency is also missed a lot of the time because a lot of GPs seem to be merrily ignoring the NICE guidance. Iron deficiency can cause lots of symptoms that get put down to peri or menopause such as tiredness, irritability, anxiety, lack of concentration, losing your hair etc.

Yet lots of GPs don't seem to bother treating or investigating the cause in the absence of full blown anemia.

When a woman of 40 posts she is exhausted all the time and deeply unhappy, it's almost always one or the other at the root of it, so that's to be a expected.

Completely agree, OP. I have a brilliant GP who was very pro-active about picking up on a post-menopausal problem that I have and treating it appropriately.
The experience made me start to question the scepticism I have about the current social preoccupation with the menopause, and I asked her whether it had been a mistake for me not to have gone down the HRT route ten years ago (in addition to , or even instead of, anti-depressants) as a strategy for dealing with anxiety, brain fog etc. She said no, the evidence just isn't there for the relevance of menopause and HRT to some of the very many issues it is now roped in to explain.
It is insane just how many phenomena are discussed within the menopause framework on MN. I do understand it though, I suppose,. If you have diffuse and troubling issues it is natural to want to grasp at labels that gather them together and hold out the possibility of a plan of action for resolving them. We do it with our children as well- teething, terrible twos, teenage hormones, etc., all offered as frameworks for understanding problems that we need reassurance and support with.
EDITED TO ADD: The preoccupation with the menopause, though, is turbocharged in a way that other frameworks aren't, because of its capacity to make money for influencers and for anyone flogging any product that can be 'menopause-washed' and pushed by advertisers at women of a certain age. Should be called the moneypause for all the cash it brings in

You lose your point when you start exaggerating and saying every woman from 30 to 90. That's just not the case and you know it. However, a decline in hormones when women arrive in the peri years can cause a vast array of symptoms, many of which have previously not been associated with menopause. Increased awareness is a good thing.

I would encourage people to keep track of symptoms though, and share these with your GP rather than just assume it’s perimenopause. I am 44 with low iron, night sweats, tiredness and slowing bowel transit, and it turned out I have advanced bowel cancer. Not to scare anyone, but I genuinely never suspected anything other than peri and maybe IBS.

Also, find a GP that you trust. I previously felt dismissed by a GP and found another one who was more supportive and thorough. She was also in her 50s so maybe that gave me confidence that she would understand menopause well

I blame everything that goes wrong in my life as the menopause , I would say maybe 80% is responsible, the rest is my incompetence 😂
Do not underestimate how utterly horrendous/ life-changing this period can be for some women.

More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

Probably because every woman will go through peri-menopause. So it makes sense for middle-aged women to look at that as the first possible cause to either confirm or eliminate.

I was very anaemic but it turns out that was due to flooding and heavy bleeding due to peri so the two are often connected. I also did not realise that peri can affect your thyroid (due to low progesterone) so I also had to be treated for that when previously I never had any issues with my thyroid

Yes! I had a B12 deficiency and low iron. Fortunately I had a GP who immediately did full bloods for my symptoms.

Some over the counter supplements going forward, and I live to fight another day.

Not sure what your issue is - I know a woman who is so adamant she isn't old enough for peri at 46 she gets very ragey about it. She can't see that she has every sign because she refuses to believe she is in her eye "old". Talking about it breaks down the stigma many people like her feel.

I think it affects women differently and therefore it’s hard to relate if your symptoms aren’t as bad or you ‘sail through’, but am glad there is greater awareness that it can be rocky and to get help if you need it and it’s right for you. It’s like periods, some people blame those for everything, starting with no PE for me please, but they are very debilitating for some women. I think there is an old school view that it’s just natural and women have managed for years just fine, which isn’t true so the counterbalance is needed. There will be some who jump on the bandwagon but there’s always shysters in the world.

Also, I dont think I have ever seen a post where anyone has attributed every single thing in their life being completely wrong solely as a result of the menopause 🤣

It's usually people pondering irritating symptoms wondering about it because it's making their life more annoying or difficult.

Surely its good people are talking about it since its been ignored for so long and women had to suffer with all kinds of unpleasant symptoms that werent taken too seriously?

Totally agree. I am also happy that the stigma surrounding menopause has subsided but heartily sick of having to talk about it all the flipping time. I can’t remember the last time I went to a gathering of female friends without a long and tedious discussion about menopause symptoms. Its good to talk about it but there are other things in women’s lives.

I do find the “could it be peri?” kneejerk response so irritating. A lot of people use it as an excuse not to face up to a more deep seated problem. You see post after post which states that a husband or partner has been deeply unreasonable but the “it may just be my hormones,” caveat.

Women convince themselves that feeling uncomfortable about a man’s behaviour is unreasonable when in reality they are probably waking up to the fact that they are being treated poorly. And men use it to gaslight us.

It's not 'every ' symptom, it's every symptom that is associated with perimenopause/menopause.

Have you looked at the amount of symptoms associated with it? Do you understand why there are so many symptoms? It's because we have oestrogen receptors all over our body and when those receptors are not detecting oestrogen they make our body 'play up' in that area.

As someone whose life was ruined due to perimenopause (I had no idea it was even a thing when it happened to me) I'm very glad there is more information now. My biggest wish is that I'd started HRT 13 years ago.

Sadly, bad symptoms run in my family and my sister was sectioned at age 49. At no stage did any medical professional suggest this might be perimenopause related. It took 6 months for her to realise, she went in HRT and is now absolutely back to normal.

Mental hospitals were full of women over 45 many years ago who had 'gone mad', many never got out. All of this has made a huge contribution to misogyny in our society. Female suicide rates are at their highest in the late forties age bracket.

Yanbu. A couple of years ago at 45 I felt exhausted all the time, had brain fog, felt constantly nauseous. A couple of friends said to get HRT. I went to the doctors but tests didn't reveal anything. They put HRT on the back burner and ran other tests first.

Eventually I got better by myself. I started running, went on a diet. I wasn't massively overweight but at 5'3" dropping from 74kg to 62kg made all the difference. I'd also had a lot of seasonal illness left me low.

I'm now 47 and still peri if my periods are anything to go by. Not dead on predictable but regular enough and can do things like flood and soak a chair which didn't happen when younger. I have a tendancy to use more, bigger pads now but then period can stop abruptly so definitely peri.

I think a lot of my symptoms were a combination of post viral and overweight.

My sleep is shit but I've never been a good sleeper. I've discovered that plenty of men have the same problem . Seems like mid life is a worrying time and affects sleep.

some women just can’t comprehend how utterly horrible meno is for other women. They sail through it. Same with periods. I put with awful periods for years because I’m of a generation where we didn’t talk about those things. How I wish I’d known that flooding was not something I had to put up with or passing huge clots, leaking through two pads etc. I’m glad meno is talked about so openly because for me it has been unbearable.

I have friends IRL who cite peri as the cause of everything and lots of women from 40 onwards banging on about it.

One friend from about 47 to 53 made being menopausal her entire personality.

I know a fair few people for whom it’s basically their only topic of conversation. A work colleague attributes literally all behaviour by women of a certain age to it.

If someone in the right demographic is obnoxious or sad or incompetent in any way she will give me a furtive little look and say “its the change”. Its honestly so tedious. Yes a lot of people really suffer but I hate the idea that your hormones are expected to remove all accountability for behaviour.

I was listening to a podcast with Professor Annice Mukherjee the other day, and she said exactly this. She is a specialist on hormones and she pointed out that at perimenopause/menopause women are at a time of life where there is often more stress - teens, aging parents etc- and that going through menopause while dealing with these problems makes it worse, due to bad sleep, brain fog, and whatever other symptoms people are suffering.

She did say that if your life is being negatively affected you should always look at and treat the actual symptoms, some will be directly caused by menopause, but not all of them.

I know a fair few people for whom it’s basically their only topic of conversation

Anyone who only has one topic of conversation is tedious AF. That goes for people who bang on about their "fur babies", their kids, their parents, why can't I find a decent man etc, work, being vegan or gluten free, anything.

Its not just menopause that is tedious if its droned on about for hours 😆

Of course. If it wasn’t menopause it would be something else. But the whole Davina thing seems to have given a lot of people permission to make it their entire personality.