Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

[DorisLessingsCat]

It’s amazing that there is more awareness, understanding and visibility of peri-menopause and menopause but AIBU that it’s not always the main cause of whatever is going on in your life? More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

I think with peri/menopause there is a variety and severity of symptoms that not all women get. Some women have symptoms so severe they have to take time off work while others breeze through with very mild symptoms. Previous generations didn't talk about it and retired quietly whereas there are different pressures on this generation of women, it takes two incomes to maintain a household now, then there's supporting children through uni. Women need to be in the workplace longer so those that suffer difficult symptoms need to find their way through and changed social mores allow talking about it now without the shame our mother's and grandmothers feared. HRT is a game changer, couldn't do my job without it.

I don't think that we shouldn't talk about it or consider it, it's just that when a particular issue becomes fashionable, same goes for all sorts of things not just peri menopause, then people can end up attributing everything that happens to it and may end up missing the real issue

It IS different though! I used to be very much a people pleaser, since going through peri menopause I am no longer able to control my anger when previously I used to suppress it and push it down. Therefore, my rage manifests now in ways I am unfamiliar with so it absolutely makes a difference. In some ways it's weirdly liberating because I no longer give a fuck like I used to when I was trying to please everyone.

My own example- some guy in our local Tesco car park recently swore at my teenage son for no reason. I absolutely went for him in an aggressive, cursing furious tirade. He looked absolutely terrified and got in his van and drove off silently and as quickly as he could. I shocked myself. I never would have acted like that before.

Until you have experienced an all consuming hormonal anger you really dont get how it takes you over so I think you are being unreasonable here.

I don't mean to be rude at all, but how do you, or anyone, I'm not just singling out you specifically, know that that's perimenopause? Lots of conditions can cause disinhibition and anger. Is peri menopause something that can be tested for and diagnosed?

The studies are increasingly showing it really is a very big deal for some people https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9qpp1g5ylvo

Of course it can be tested for. Declining hormones aren't imaginary. Blood tests very clearly show fluctuating hormones. Typically however, if you meet the profile (a woman in her mid ish 40s experiencing changes to periods) then doctors assume you're peri, simply because you almost certainly are.

Or even if you are in mid to late 40s or early 50s and have had a hysterectomy (like me) there are some often very physical symptoms which indicate dropping estrogen. Hot flushes are the classic one. Those didn't trouble me too much but after not having a UTI for about 15 years, I had 3 within 6 months. Those were directly related to lack of estrogen and vaginal atrophy / genitourinary syndrome of menopause which causes dryness, itchiness, lower abdominal pain, increased UTIs etc. All gone with some topical estrogen.

Yes, peri/menopause can be tested for and diagnosed. FSH is tested, it goes high when the ovaries are not producing enough hormones.

Yes, but medical guidelines is that this is not done in women over 45 as it is unreliable - your hormone levels may yoyo across the month and one measurement tells you nothing. Guidance for GPs is that if a woman aged 45 or over is in your surgery complaining of hot flushes, insomnia, anxiety or anything else which is potentially menopause related, skip the blood tests and try HRT.

For women under 45 yes do the bloods but they also have to rule out things like thyroid issues which can also cause insomnia or anxiety.

I know its hormonal because its the exact same way I felt when I was on certain types of birth control pills when I was younger. Its clearly the hormones because as soon as I came off them the anger disappeared.

In answer to your question - yes, my hormones have been tested and they were all over the place so yes, I can be sure this is a hormonal cause. Additionally, once I went on HRT I felt much calmer. Therefore, I have concrete evidence that this was caused by my hormones.

I am finding it more than a bit strange people seem to think its unbelievable that hormones may affect mood and behaviour- its very well known the effects PMT can have on mood and its why many women struggle just before their period starts. Thats not even mentioning Post Natal depression (or in severe/extreme cases, post natal psychosis) which is known to be caused by hormonal fluctuations after giving birth.

Articles here discussing how hormones directly affect mood: How your hormones might be controlling your mind - BBC Future

How Estrogen Influences Emotions and Mood

Estrogen, Stress, and Depression: Cognitive and Biological Interactions - PMC

Psychological Changes at Menopause: Anxiety, Mood Swings, and Sexual Health in the Biopsychosocial Context - Neelima Deshpande, T.S. Sathyanarayana Rao, 2025

Perimenopause: From Research to Practice - PMC

Women are 40% more likely to experience depression during the perimenopause | UCL News - UCL – University College London

Completely agree too much is blamed on peri. When I was 42 I had terrible itchiness that went on for a few months. I was going through a lot of stress at the time and reading so much about peri on here/in the press I felt sure it was just one of those things and didn't even consider going to a doctor. A couple of years later found a small lump, went to the GP, turned out I had stage 4 lymphoma. My tumour was 10x10cm and had broken through my sternum. I didn't have any other lymphoma symptoms, but a lot of them can be mistaken for peri symptoms - hot sweats, fatigue etc. Whenever I see posts mentioning things like that on here I always jump in and share my experience, because you never know if someone else could be in the same position.

Oh my goodness @namechange0998776554799000 that sounds terrifying, I hope you are well now ❤️

Thanks for saying this: its so true. I hope you are better now?

I had a somewhat similar experience in that I presented with a rash and other symptoms and assumed it was menopause so asked to increase my HRT. The GP sent me to be tested for a number of blood cancers.

Thankfully I was clear and it turns out to be a rare but benign and treatable condition but the GP said women sometimes turn a blind eye to symptoms because they assume its all menopause related.

We should treat menopause seriously but we should stop automatically attributing everything in the world to it.

Menopause is an easy one to blame - as is obesity, smoking and drinking.

I'm unwell at the moment. I'm already on a high level of HRT due to having a hysterectomy and ovaries out in my early 40's.

I wrote this list and went to the GP last week:

headaches
excessive fatigue
bladder weakness
broken sleep
joint pain throughout my body
joint pain worse on my left side with weakness in left hand, leg and foot
swollen legs and feet
feeling unsteady on feet
pins and needles in hands and feet
severe dry eyes
dry mouth
vaginal dryness
hair thinning
feeling cold all the time
feeling hungry all the time

GP: yeah that's menopause, you just have to deal with it

I'm fine now thanks. Luckily lymphoma can be very treatable, even at stage 4

I don't think it's unbelievable at all that hormones affect behaviour, it's just that lots of things can cause similar symptoms, and so I worry that women will just assume every new symptom they get from late 30s onwards is peri menopause and not get themselves checked out to make sure it's not something more serious. It's not just peri menopause, with any condition that becomes well known and 'trendy' for want of a better word, there will be a lot of people self diagnosing it and potentially missing something important, like @namechange0998776554799000 who turned out to have cancer.

Did they at least do a blood test @YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan? I've separately had low iron and various electrolyte deficiencies and they would explain a lot of the symptoms. And have they checked thyroid etc? Pretty poor if they've dismissed it as menopause without any other checks, if so I would seek a second opinion

Yanbu. The peri/menopause can be rough, but like many things there are steps yiu can take to improve things. My issue is twofold 1) the assumption thats its menopause related could lead to other issues, relatively easily solved i.e iron deficiency, being overlooked 2) The amount of people who use it as an excuse for being a MASSIVE twat. You are still responsible for your actions/seeking help, its not a get out of jail free card to excuse appalling behaviour.

That said, it is a challenging time of life, no doubt about it.

This! I have one colleague who often turns up to meetings having not done a single thing she’s supposed to have done, announcing, “menopausal ADHD woman here!”

I know the type 😒

Commercialisation of menopause : irritating and at worst, highly misleading. Increased awareness and conversations about it : brilliant. If it takes annoying some women in order to help other women to better access care, hrt, support and relief from what can be hideous effects of peri/meno, so be it. I wish that I hadn't entered peri unknowingly as I did. It was the worst time in my life. The public discourse is empowering IMO.

He did a blood test and said it showed inflammation which would explain the joint pain.

These bloods were out of range.
Too high:
Haemoglobin A1c
Red blood cell distribution width
Mean cell volume
Mean cell haemoglobin level

Too low:
Red blood cell count

Tested for type 2 diabetes but not for thyroid.

I was told to ignore all of the above results as it's probably menopause related.

I work in an office so it's not like I'm rushing around all day. By the time I go to work and cook an evening meal, I'm absolutely exhausted. I've had to give up the gym as I just haven't got the energy to go anymore.

The joint pain is annoying. My left hand is so weak today. I've just struggled to open a Vaseline lip balm tin as I couldn't grip it properly.

Apparently this is normal, menopausal and just part of getting old. Fair enough if I was in my 70's but not at 48!

That's the opposite of me so I can't really be of help, but I just googled 'high haemoglobin' and it listed pretty much all of your symptoms... Menopause doesn't cause any of those blood test results to my knowledge (but to give the GP the benefit of the doubt, maybe they were all only slightly out of range). Maybe try for a second opinion or consider going private?

I can't agree, given that there are about 40 symptoms associated with peri menopause.

My mother thought she managed OK, until my experience, and that of my sister, made her realise otherwise. Women of her generation and older were just expected to get on with stuff, whereas raised awareness has liberated women from that kind of shit.

I'm very glad that things will be even better again by the time my daughters come to experience peri/menopause.