Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

[DorisLessingsCat]

It’s amazing that there is more awareness, understanding and visibility of peri-menopause and menopause but AIBU that it’s not always the main cause of whatever is going on in your life? More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

But this goes for lots of topics - exercise/crossfit being a good example. I know so many people obsessively posting gym selfies now and banging on about green smoothies all because it's trendy online. Still boring as heck if its your only topic of conversation but it doesn't make exercise inherently "wrong".

I for one am very grateful for people talking more about menopause because I seriously think I would not be here if TV and social media had not helped me join the dots.

I am in my early 50s. I was never taught anything about menopause at school, my knowledge was that your periods stopped and you maybe got some hot flushes. Nobody talked about aching joints, brain fog, crippling anxiety, vaginal atrophy, itching, hair falling out... Even though I had had a hysterectomy (and kept my ovaries) I was totally failed by 3 NHS GPs (two of whom were middle aged women) who when presented with a patient in her late 40s who was crying in the surgery and unable to function did not even mention menopause. Just dished out anti depressants. It was only through hearing women like Kirsty Wark, Mariella Frostrup or Davina McCall talking about their experiences that I realised I did not have serious mental illness or dementia, I needed HRT.

It makes me really sad that there are probably other women out there feeling like I was 5 or 6 years ago and being told that all they need to "sail through" is a bit of exercise and a vegan diet. Or that talking about women's health issues is tedious and boring.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to talk about menopause. Far from it. I have said I am glad the stigma has lifted.

What I am saying is that its become a kind of umbrella diagnosis which is applied to every area of the life of a woman of the right age.

And its not just that it is boring (I find it boring but thats a secondary thing). The thing that worries me is that its seen as a conclusive explanation for everything negative that happens, physical or mental.

People brush other more structural problems relating to their health, relationships, work and a range of other issues because “menopause”. Which creates a risk that they ignore things which are more serious. Such as a serious health condition, an abusive relationship or a horrible job.

I agree OP. Of course some issues can be caused by peri menopause, but it's important not to assume that every physical and or mental health symptom that comes on anywhere from 35-55 is peri menopause or menopause, because you could be missing a serious illness, There are many different things that can start at any age and cause all sorts of symptoms.

But for a lot of women it is the explanation - if you have never suffered with recurrent UTIs, or anxiety, or trouble sleeping, and everything else in your life has remained largely the same, why is it wrong to suggest it's more than likely menopause related?

I couldn't agree more - this is a fantastic post. The commercialisation of menopause (& this thing called "peri") is at the root of so much. People get older - it's normal.

I dont agree that people are using the menopause to brush off abusive relationships or horrible jobs. I think that is a very reductionist generalisation.

I dont know of a single woman actually in an abusive relationship (and I have known a few) who has said they are unhappy not because their partner physically hits them but due to menopause and I think that's quite insulting to women to suggest they are so stupid they would think that

It's fine to suggest peri menopause as one possible cause, but not that it's more than likely that, as there are lots of possible causes and seeing everything through one lens can lead to the real cause being missed. It could be related to vitamin or mineral deficiencies, autoimmune conditions, post viral conditions, mental health conditions, or a hundred other things,

Posted twice by mistake

Hard agree. Drives me mad. But still, probably no harm done in most cases!

I see roughly one post per day on here saying something like: “DH is being an arse but is it just peri?”

A litany of unequivocally shit behaviour from the DH will follow but the woman will question herself because “it might be my hormones.” It’s endemic on here: I don’t know how you can have missed it.

This exactly. The accessibility of menopause groups in workplaces- when they are often full of women whose experience is dismissed/ threatened / underpaid and under respected has to be seen to be believed.
Like I'm glad the issue isn't taboo- but at that time of life I think women are also realising what a poor deal they have been dealt- with all the responsibilities and life stuff that crowds in- and it's easier for society to not see that.

Centuries spent trying to get the view of women changed from being simple creatures at the mercy of their defective uterus, all gone in under a decade.

Used to be called hysteria needing ECT and lobotomies, then it was 'nerves' needing tranquilisers, then it was 'depression' needing SSRIs, a brief period of blaming all physical pain on mental illness via fibro, now it's peri - needing lots of money spent on special purple clothes, shampoos, face creams, books and all manner of shite.

That doesn't mean that perimenopause symptoms do not exist and that HRT shouldn't be available - but always assuming it is means that precisely fuck all is done to address structural inequalities, the impact of living in modern society, employment & financial disadvantage, inequalities in medical care, the sheer weight of responsibilities, a lifetime of being female in a world of VAWG, the expectation to remain fuckable, the entitlement and threats from prepuberty onwards - all dismissed in favour of it being down to withering ovaries.

All those lives spent fighting to be seen as more than reproductive vessels and the chattels of men, to be used, abused and discarded. All cast aside.

Honestly, I think often that's because women are experiencing peri-menopause symptoms that mean they have less tolerance for their husband's bullshit - they begin to notice all these things about him that he's always done, but that are only now beginning to drive them mad.

And because they're now so aware of how peri-menopause can affect women, they wonder: Is it peri-menopause, or is he a shit DH?

And usually the correct answer is: Yes.

Anyway, if it wasn't peri-menopause, the question would just be, "Is DH being an arse, or am I just controlling?" Or, "Is DH being an arse, or am I just expecting too much?" etc. There will always be an, "or am I somehow at fault?"

All my symptoms were blamed on premature menopause.
Started HRT.
Increased HRT.
Changed HRT.

My mental health then was blamed.

Whole time, turns out I actually had Sjogrens Syndrome and Lupas, as well as premature menopause.

No one listened to me and everything was blamed on menopause.

YABU. If it's a symptom which is not a recognised symptom of peri/menopause, then people don't tend to suggest it. If ot is a recognised symptom of peri/menopause and you are of the right age, why wouldn't you consider the possibility that it's peri/menopause related? Tbh it just sounds like you get irritated by people banging on about menopause, in spite of your disclaimer.

I get you, OP. I also think that there’s a tendency to scare younger women into thinking their life will become pure hell once they reach the peri. This is not necessarily how it has to be. Some women sail through and others (myself included) get back to their old selves once they start HRT.

I actually cringe at these adverts - I don’t want people to assume I’m a dried up old old prune just because I’m middle aged!

Sometimes the discourse around peri-menopause feels a little like women who have no PMS symptoms dismissing them as 'all in your head', or women who have easy, light, cramp-free periods wondering why on earth some women make such a fuss.

If they don't experience symptoms/don't find them that bad/discovered they were caused by something else, then everyone else must have that same experience too.

There’s a parking thread right now where a man was unbelievably rude, insulting and misogynistic to the OP and she’s said she has “perimenopausal rage”. Sounds like anger is an appropriate response whatever her age!

Can only reflect on my personal experience. Have spent a small fortune on therapy over the last two years to try and sort my life and, for whatever stupid reason, resisted hrt. Everything came to a head over a Christmas and the fatigue, rage amd perceived lack of support got the better of me.

Bit the bullet and got hrt. Fuck me, life is easier.

EVERY woman goes through menopause. Your body changes how it works completely. Some suffer worse than others but I think it SHOULD be one lf the first considerations if in your 40s and 50s your life suddenly turns to shit.

I remember an older friend at the gym telling later 30s me "when you get to 45, something happens ". Not much did happen, but when I hit 48, something happened!
I gained weight just by thinking about food and nothing that had previously worked -including exercise- now worked. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion, I suddenly started having falls- all the time. It seemed as though I tripped over my own feet! No explanation. I would get dizzy, I lost what little confidence I still had and I completely lost my self identity. I ached. All over, pain, fatigue, joint issues.... This didn't all happen as soon as I hit 48 but that was when it started.
So I think its definitely fair to say that menopause hits some of us hard.
Im 54 now, and although I suffered with hot flushes and night sweats, they're under control with HRT and I feel as though I'm coming through the other side.
I lost 4 stone on GLP-1 jabs last year and I'm starting to feel like me again so yes, all that that was very definitely perimenopause.
You don't say how old you are so I'd say if you're in your 30s and haven't been diagnosed as being in early menopause then no, every little thing certainly can't be blamed on perimenopause and the same for early 40s.
And some very lucky women sail through the menopause and never understand what all the fuss is about! Sadly many of don't though. And we have no idea about how it feels until it hits us.

YANBU.

I'm hyper aware of peri and menopause because it nearly wrecked my life.

I work in female dominated environment and have seen women become shells of themselves between 40 and 50. Women who were confident, could multi task amazingly well suddenly forgetting everything, unable to cope with work through crippling anxiety. Unable to sleep then not being able to get out of bed.

I also found when I had been on hrt 6 months I was no longer borderline anemic for first time in years, my other vitamin deficiency balanced out

There is also growing awareness around the link between menopause and thyroid issues.

Yanbu. I'm sick of it being the absolute first thing mentioned.

A pharmacist boredly asked me two weeks ago if I thought my thrush might be menopause related. Um no, mate...i'm 39 and it's antibiotics-related, like I told you five minutes ago and like is written on my self referral form.

At 36 I took three weeks off work due to work-related stress. With very clear internal proof of what had caused this. I was told by occ health 'so at your age, the way you're feeling is likely also due to menopause so I need to give you xyz resources'. Not the awful, well-documented working conditions which had caused 25% of staff to go off sick. Nope, it must be my aged hysterical-woman syndrome.

Fuck OFF.

All I can say to that, is that I know many women who say that prior to peri-menopause, they were capable of crushing their anger down and stifling it, whereas during peri-menopause it feels uncontrollable, like a creature that possesses them. So talking about an 'appropriate response' is missing the point.

I know from personal experience that moods affected by strong hormone dips or rises really do feel uncontrollable, irrational, and can be all-consuming. It seems a little silly to deny that hormones have a powerful influence over people, and so peri-menopause could affect many women to a noticeable extent.