Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

[DorisLessingsCat]

It’s amazing that there is more awareness, understanding and visibility of peri-menopause and menopause but AIBU that it’s not always the main cause of whatever is going on in your life? More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

I think it's great that it's talked about these days, so women can be aware that what they're experiencing might be related to changing hormones. But there needs to be balance - I know women who are scared of menopause because of all they've heard.

It can be very bad - i knew someone who committed suicide because of it, and others who've had very bad symptoms. And yet others who have few symptoms at all. So there needs to be balance.

I agree that not everything should be automatically assumed to be because of peri. I have not been sleeping well, but that's my body's go-to stress response, and has been since school, plus I have not been very good about trying to fix it recently with regular bedtimes etc. It is important to remember often that life can just be shit at times - and that it's an age when both men and women are more likely to be diagnosed with other chronic conditions and diseases. Hormonal changes won't help, but they may not be the cause.

A friend of mine talked at great length about her 'perimenopause' symptoms of being exhausted, brain fog, irritable, anxious/depressed, not wanting sex etc. Then another friend pointed out to her that those are also very much the symptoms of being extremely overworked and having a lazy, borderline abusive husband. That was two years ago. Since then, she's left the husband and changed her job to one that doesn't have an insane commute, and lo and behold, she is no longer 'perimenopausal'. She never was. She was just really, really fucking miserable, but had been led to believe that if you feel really fucking miserable in your mid-40s, perimenopause is always to blame.

I have another friend who went to the doctor with aching joints, fatigue, headaches, itchy skin and brain fog and immediately got put on HRT because she was 47. Two years later they discovered she actually has an autoimmune condition that needs careful managing.

I wondered which way this thread would go as I came to say that I'm sure that DP thinks every outburst is because of my depleting hormones when I'm pretty sure they're not.

It is mental though, how this part of our lives is such a big cunt and no one ever talked about it to prepare the other generation.

Imagine going through it in the early 1900's, well... Right up until recently really (god bless Davina!) before women started to talk to one another about the changes in themselves.
I became a completely different person before hrt. It was absolutely horrendous!
Hrt was a life saver for us.

My mum sailed through hers, pretty much. I'm like her in so many ways; except that one

It's awful to suffer so terribly with it though.

I've had horrible periods and my period pains when younger were very debilitating, really painful down my legs and made me double over in pain.

My friend at work never had any, so couldn't understand why I took time off work being sick with it regularly. I told her that I wasn't worried about labour as the pains were pretty much on a par.

Similarly, my perimenopause symptoms have been quite awful too over the past 5 years, to the point where I am absolutely dreading being in menopause completely. I've always been unlucky and unfortunate enough to be very sensitive to hormonal fluctuations, and I know that my hormones after the birth of my youngest daughter exacerbated my movement disorder symptoms too. I remember thinking how I felt so dreadful physically that I felt on.the verge of a breakdown. And, looking back now, I realise that some of my perimenopause symptoms are a milder version of what I went through.

Absolutely hormonal transitions are terrible for some women. Similarly, some women sail through it too. And equally, there are some women who can't fathom how affected by hormones people can be.

Oh and the fact some poor women can't take any HRT for whatever reasons doesn't mean others should berate them for not taking any. It's definitely their prerogative to not take any if they want.

Is it needless pathologisation, though? Why would we want to tell those who suffer severely that they really should try to get on with it, take HRT and try not to join too many support groups that might be overly obsessive about it?

Wouldn't that be the opposite and going too far the other way, dismissive of how awful it can be?

I ended a relationship recently because he blamed me standing up for myself on my hormones. It wasn’t my hormones, though I do think as we get into our 40’s we tolerate less and stand up for ourselves more?

I also think GP’s blame every thing we go into see them with on peri or ‘age related wear and tear’.

No one really prepares us for getting older and the we’re symptoms that come with it. The hot sweats, the gaining weight in weird places, growing hair in weird places, things moving south and dry skin. I didn’t watch my mum go through it as she had a hysterectomy in her early 40’s and was plunged into full menopause and given HRT, she handled it very well. I also had a hysterectomy but kept my ovaries, they are now failing. I am unsure what symptoms are peri, which are ‘just getting older’ but I kind of wish I was more prepared and I wish more people had talked about it.

We do get old, and things change. Some of these changes are normal and natural. A 60 year old can’t have the same physical appearance expectations as a 20 year old, yet sometimes we compare ourselves to older celebs who (often thanks to extensive plastic surgery and other treatments) look unrealistically youthful.

Most women don't realise that the diseases of ageing are down to low hormones - osteoporosis, heart disease, Alzheimer's, incontinence which HRT protects us from and a nice side effect is skin doesn't age as much as those not on HRT.

Do men age 50+ get osteoporosis, Alzheimer's, incontinence and aging skin because of their low hormones?

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/male-menopause/

And yes, they can develop osteoporosis.

https://www.bupa.co.uk/newsroom/ourviews/low-testosterone-men