Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

[DorisLessingsCat]

It’s amazing that there is more awareness, understanding and visibility of peri-menopause and menopause but AIBU that it’s not always the main cause of whatever is going on in your life? More and more threads where it seems to be the first thing posters mention when describing their issues . Plus, anyone between the ages of 35 and 90 asked “could it be peri/menopause?” before any other question/suggestion.

I got my formal diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis in the sweet spot between 'It's your hormones, dear' and 'It's your hormones, dear'. Still had to run the gamut of 'It's all in your head, dear' and I owe a lifetime of gratitude to the locum GP that spent four hours on the phone arguing with the Rheumatology department that she had personally seen me with Psoriatic plaques, not 'a bit of eczema' and there was no way somebody of that age with CRP and ESR at those levels with visible plaques and unequivocally swollen joints and tendons is merely needing a few sessions of counselling for depression/fibro - but what it means is that I have a massive shield with AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE stamped across it.

And, of course, it means I've had medication and treatments that deal with 90% of it - so I'm hugely less likely to follow my father and be dead within the next 12 months from a cardiac event (he dropped dead from cardiomyopathy at the age I am now) or be like my niece, who nearly died aged 42 from the severe heart damage she sustained from her equally undiagnosed case.

If I'd not seen that particular GP at that specific time and I'd been 37 instead of 33, had she not seen plaques, swollen hands and feet, a low mood (that completely resolved within an hour of a steroid depot) and advocated for me, my life - assuming I'd still have one - would have been indescribably awful by now.

This with big brass bells on.

Totally agree.

The current obsession with menopause and 'peri' is the modern version of 'It's your hormones dear!'

While awareness of the genuine hardship experienced by some, but by no means all women at mid life is a positive thing, the needless pathologisation of a normal, indeed inevitable stage in every woman's life is a backwards step.

Pre-peri I would have been able to able to deal with a mysoginistic twat with a few witty retorts and a well placed 'go fuck yourself,' to terminate the interaction.

During peri, out of control rage, possibly crying, followed by crushing anxiety afterwards.

I do wonder if that's how men feel all the time (without the crying, perhaps)

Fuck no, it's not a backward step. We've had hundreds of years of 'put up and shut up'.

We have better care and treatment available for debilitating symptoms than ever before. Why wouldn't we want to share that and shout it from.the fucking rooftops to.make sure every woman gets the message.

I'm guessing that you've not suffered symptoms bad enough to seek help. Not sure why you'd want to stymie the conversations of other women. Scroll on, maybe?

@NeverDropYourMooncup

"now it's peri - needing lots of money spent on special purple clothes, shampoos, face creams, books and all manner of shite."

No, that's capitalism.

Can’t speak for others but I don’t think anyone is saying its a bad thing that women are able to talk openly about menopause. Its definitely not.

What I take issue with is the use of menopause as a blanket explanation for all the problems we face in life.

Being informed about it and being able to talk openly about the experiences we face is unequivocally good. But when it becomes the automatic solution to any problem its self defeating. Firstly because, as discussed, it leads people to overlook other more serious problems. But also it becomes yet another way to use biology as a tool to marginalise women’s experiences and downplay their genuine grievances.

There is a middle ground to this.

What I take issue with is the use of menopause as a blanket explanation for all the problems we face in life.

Exactly. Especially if it becomes a limiting belief - about oneself or across society as a whole.

I don't think this combative 'all or nothing' approach really helps the discussion. I'm not trying to 'symie' anything so I'm not sure why you're trying to make this personal.

I specifically said above that awareness of menopause is a positive thing. But that doesn't mean that every single thing that a woman experiences over two decades is down to menopause or to 'peri' which is so vague as to basically be meaningless.

Middle aged women face enough problems without it being assumed they're a hormonal mess. That is what is retrogade to me.

Apologies for making it personal. Wasn't supposed to 💐

Same - it's actually a bit boring TBH and I sit wishing we could just shut up about it occasionally!!

I am all for increasing awareness and appreciation for everyone's different experiences and array of symptoms but IMO there is a danger that it actually ends up going so far that nobody then takes it seriously - a bit like crying wolf. It just gets very "oh yeah, that's bloody peri too is it - breathing??"

It's already making me eyeroll tbh

That's monetising an alternative phrasing of 'women are useless due to their hormones' because the 35-55 age group tend to be employed outside the home these days. Profiting from misogyny, absolutely expected, but it's certainly in their interests to further the narrative so that women pay to try to escape the treatment.

I agree. My sister blames menopause for everything negative in her world. At the minute she's complaining about poor sleep quality. Absolutely the menopause and not the pile of shite she eats every day and the 12 coffees.

Totally agree, OP. It’s like the very existence of females has to be medicalised pretty much from puberty until death. Fuck that.

That's not the point though, is it? It depends what your normal is. If she was someone who would have dealt with that and other situations more calmly 5 or 10 years ago, and she is currently perimenopausal and finding she gets significantly more angry than before, then why wouldn't she ascribe that to perimenopausal mood changes? It's a very common problem.

It's the drop in hormones which would normally enable women to smooth things over and not rock the boat that makes women realise they've been putting up with shit and being treated poorly.
So it is peri/menopause related.

There’s just such a lot of money to be made. But I’m sure I heard some high profile GPs trying to redress the balance last year by suggesting there is a lot of scaremongering out there and to try not to worry.

I have a friend whose identity is completely bound up with the menopause. She mentions is every other sentence and has been this way years, yet refuses to have HRT.

My own mother had a pretty awful menopause and I still gave it no thought at all until it was upon me because I wasn’t constantly bombarded with it in the media but I feel sorry for young women who must be constantly receiving this message that the menopause will be completely awful, when that’s just not the case at all for around 60% of women.

I also agree with the monetisation of the menopause as deeply cynical and troubling. The world is not designed for women, so rather than change it, let's medicate them.

Are you suggesting that menopause symptoms are caused by 'the world not being designed for women'? That kind of suggests they are not real, medical symptoms. Have you experienced perimenopause or menopause yourself? Many, many women are desperate for their gp to prescribe HRT. I am reluctant to HRT due to family history, but the 'monetised' supplements I have bought have been fantastic.

Yeah I understand that, but I often see women suggesting perimenopause could be the reason they have reacted strongly to behaviour. Implying that hormones are the reason they feel strongly about it (and therefore that the behaviour is fundamentally OK).

In fact as you say the withdrawal from oestrogen often enables people to see clearly that they are being treated poorly in a way they shrug off beforehand but there is still this tendency to fob it off as “hormones”. People say this about PMDD as well.

If you make the menopause the primary issue it leaves the basic problem unaddressed. So for example if a man has gone on a 24 hour bender and come back too hungover to do anything, the problem is his behaviour, not the menopause. The onset on peri sharpens the reaction to this behaviour because of the absence of fluffy, tolerant hormones so the behaviour is more keenly felt.

But the bottom line is that the guy is being a dick, not that the perimenopause is making something into an issue. If we constantly tell ourselves its “because menopause”, we are internalising a problem which is not our problem.

What world changes would you propose that would help women cope with vaginal atrophy or anxiety caused by a lack of estrogen?

This is veering into "tish tosh, all you need to sail through menopause is a bit of positive thinking and a massive salad!" territory. Medication for menopause saved my life. It absolutely should be suggested as first line remedy.

How about you get that sorted and find that somebody at work is committing a serious fraud with implications for people's safety, but your whistleblowing is dismissed as the fevered ramblings of a menopausal woman, where 'everybody knows they go a bit mad, then'?

Yes, this is what I am getting at. As a pp said, women often experience peri/menopause at a time when they are dealing with parenting teenagers, looking after aging parents, the double shift of paid work and domestic responsibilities, the social devaluation of not being considered sexually attractive… and so when we try to lean in to our careers we’re already at a disadvantage. No bloody wonder our sleep is poor, our stress levels are high and our hair falls out.

I never knew I was going through periods menopause, it hadn’t been invented when I went through it. I never even noticed until I didn’t have a period for 6 months

It has not been invented its always existed. You were lucky not to have any symptoms. Very lucky. In the past women suffering were often committed to asylums.

It's actually really offensive to imply what I and millions of other women have been through is an invention. Horrible.