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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

6 week post stillbirth

87 replies

rosepedal · 23/01/2026 19:20

I recently experienced a stillbirth. I have my 6 week checkup coming up and im getting very nervous to go. Does anyone know if its ok to skip it? I also just got what i think is my first period. It was very light and lasted for 4 days. Did anyone else experience such a thing. Did you ovulate right away or did you have a few cycles?

OP posts:
MaybeItsTimeForMeNow · 23/01/2026 21:50

OP I'm so sorry. I think youve made the right call for your mental health which is just as important as your physical one imho. I havent experienced all that you have, i had miscarriages but not this. Take some time to breathe if you need it, I'm wishing you so very much the best xxxx

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 23/01/2026 21:50

Sending you a big cyber hug!

Endofyear · 23/01/2026 21:55

I'm glad you've managed to get it moved to a phone call. I'm so so sorry for your loss 💐

Alpacajigsaw · 23/01/2026 21:57

I’m not going to vote. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. I think you should go for the check up. It’s important for your health x

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/01/2026 21:59

Of course you can skip it.
I am truly sorry for your unimaginable pain. 💐

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 23/01/2026 22:09

I think you could skip it tbh. So sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.

Nancylancy · 23/01/2026 22:12

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's fine to cancel it and seek a check up when you feel ready, if you still feel you need it later. If you feel that you would get in touch with your GP if you did have any issues or questions then I don't see a problem with that. I remember mine being a quick chat and not being much help - are the postnatal team still involved? Do you have a midwife or somebody that is still in check with you from the postpartum side of things? They may be the best people to signpost you or advise, if so and if you need.
Hugs x

PickledMuffin · 23/01/2026 22:16

I’m so sorry for your loss OP x

Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen · 23/01/2026 22:24

I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious baby @rosepedal. I lost my little boy at 20 weeks at the end of November and that felt heartbreaking late so I cannot imagine how heartbroken you are feeling, I’ve probably phrased that really badly but I hope that you understand what I mean.

I am lucky enough to also have a child at home so I attended a 6 week check with him but have decided not to book one for this. My experience last time was that whilst really useful to flag some health issues with my son for me it was purely mental health and contraception advice based, even following a challenging birth there was no physical examination or anything. So I think a telephone appointment is exactly the right choice for you and I really hope that as difficult as it will be it’s also beneficial. Remember that it’s ok to not be ok and if it helps at all I am definitely not ok. If I wasn’t starting some counselling I would probably be contacting my GP to discuss my mental health.

Sending you so much love and a huge hug.

Allmarbleslost · 23/01/2026 22:35

I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

F828 · 23/01/2026 22:55

So sorry OP. After my full term stillbirth I didn’t attend my check. I was pregnant again before I had a period. And my next baby was safely delivered almost a year to the day. Wishing you all the best.

explanationplease · 23/01/2026 22:55

I’m very sorry for your loss OP. Wishing you a happier future.

cannynotsay · 23/01/2026 22:57

Sending so much love to all the mothers here that have not come home with their babies.

SeaShelli · 23/01/2026 23:04

Couldn't read and run. Sending you love ❤️

Q2C4 · 23/01/2026 23:07

I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how devastating it must be. I’d do whatever you feel you can cope with right now xx

VoltaireMittyDream · 23/01/2026 23:13

Oh OP, I am so sorry. I had the same thing happen with my first baby. I remember those first few weeks of shock and grief and fear, and physical and hormonal upheaval.

Sending you lots of love.

It is fine to skip your 6 week check - but ring ahead and let them know, or have someone do this for you if you can’t bear to have that conversation yourself (I know I couldn’t have). The last thing you need is a cheerful receptionist calling to remind you, or getting a visit from a child safeguarding team if you don’t show.

If you do decide to go, be prepared to explain to the receptionist that you do not have a baby with you to be checked as well, as that is what they’ll be expecting, since maternity services and GP services don’t communicate at all, and you can’t count on anyone having looked at your patient notes.

Also, go in with a clear aim in mind of what you want from your GP. What do you need checked? What do you want referrals for? Mental health support? Physio? Follow up for birth injuries or blood loss?

It’s easy to fall into the attitude (sadly encouraged by many medics and midwives) that your own postpartum body doesn’t matter, in the absence of your baby. But you are here, and you are the patient, and your health is important, and your comfort matters.

Hang in there. It is so so painful. And you’re not alone.

Shefliesonherownwings · 23/01/2026 23:15

@rosepedal just to answer your question to me, it was 11 days of bleeding but not constant heavy bleeding the whole time, it was a mix of heavy, then light, then spotting.

I went on to fall pregnant again 3 months after my daughters loss and had my son at 37 weeks. My due date with him was actually the date of her birthday but I delivered him early. I was very carefully monitored and cared for, even during Covid and had an elective c section because my daughter died during labour. I’ve since had another son and again was very carefully monitored which was reassuring.

I’m sending you so much love and strength right now, please look after yourself.

Fairy25 · 23/01/2026 23:19

I am so sorry. Just do whatever is best for you. I hope you will have some positive news to share very soon. Big hugs x

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/01/2026 23:26

I'm so very sorry OP. And to all the other posters who have also been in this position. Love and light to you all 💐.

LuckyKoalaBear · 23/01/2026 23:44

So sorry @rosepedal, you will always hold the memory of little boy with you and it will most definitely not feel like it right now, but the agonisingly raw pain will ease. My little boy died post birth and like others, the weeks and months to follow were a blur and I have no idea whether I went to my 6 week check. Similar to others, I went on to have more children and they bring so much light, while always remembering our first born 🌈

Take care of yourself and remember that sometimes all you can do is focus on getting through the next five minutes ❤️

FashionVixen · 24/01/2026 00:08

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost our angel 3 years ago. The thought of it still takes my breath away but I can picture his face with joy now, the memory of his features as distinct from the loss. I spoke with a bereavement counsellor who specialised in fertility and loss. It helped and I’d recommend it if/ when you feel up to it.

Be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time as you’re doing. Sending love and strength to you and all on this chain who have experienced their own losses. xxx

Namechangwbillionthtime · 24/01/2026 00:14

Im so sorry about your little boy. My little boy passed away at 24 weeks, two hours after being born. He'd of been 13 this year. I gave birth to his sister almost 2 years later, she turned 11 a few weeks ago, I was scanned every 2 weeks during her pregnancy & was able to have a water birth ( her birth was the best out of 3 )

2 years after my DD I gave birth to another little boy and he was my first sons double. So much so, that in my sleep deprived hormonal state I kept accidently calling him my first borns name. He's not long turned 9

I didn't have a check up after I gave birth to my first son, but a few days after I gave birth to him I did receive a call off my midwife asking where I was..... for whatever reason it didn't update on the system that I had given birth to him and he had passed so she was expecting me for a routine appointment. I bet she felt terrible after that call

Namechangwbillionthtime · 24/01/2026 00:14

Im so sorry about your little boy. My little boy passed away at 24 weeks, two hours after being born. He'd of been 13 this year. I gave birth to his sister almost 2 years later, she turned 11 a few weeks ago, I was scanned every 2 weeks during her pregnancy & was able to have a water birth ( her birth was the best out of 3 )

2 years after my DD I gave birth to another little boy and he was my first sons double. So much so, that in my sleep deprived hormonal state I kept accidently calling him my first borns name. He's not long turned 9

I didn't have a check up after I gave birth to my first son, but a few days after I gave birth to him I did receive a call off my midwife asking where I was..... for whatever reason it didn't update on the system that I had given birth to him and he had passed so she was expecting me for a routine appointment. I bet she felt terrible after that call

Safxxx · 24/01/2026 00:28

So sorry for your loss, I completely understand what you're going through 😔 I lost my baby boy at full term too, it will be 5yrs next month. To be completely honest it's only since last year that I can mention him without crying. The first year will be the hardest...but time is a healer ❤️ I wish you all the best and hopefully you go on to having healthy babies soon 🙏 look after yourself, keep yourself nourished as it really does take a toll on your health...Xx

ItsNotMeEither · 24/01/2026 04:38

So sorry for your loss OP. I see it sounds like you're going to do this via phone now. I can only imagine that this would be difficult, but I do think making the contact probably is important.

I've no doubt, on the day it will still be emotional, even over the phone. I'd suggest making a list of questions now that you would like answered. I'd possibly also ask, at the start of your appointment, if it becomes too emotional, are you able to email the doctor your questions to be answered.

Wishing you all the best.