DP’s son moving in

[maximusss]

I suspect I’m being unreasonable here but I thought it would be helpful to get other people’s opinions.

My DP has a DS19, sees him usually once a week when he comes to stay.

We’re due to exchange on a house next week and last night DP dropped in to conversation over dinner that his DS will be moving in full time when we are in the new house.

Now I know this is his son, and I like him, but AIBU to think there should have been slightly more discussion on this? I worry about what else he will drop on me without notice or discussion further down the line. Maybe it’s me being dramatic, it’s just made me feel a little uneasy for some reason.

Well the son will need to know that if he moves in he :
needs ti be tidy
no smoking weed
? girlfriend does not stay over / eat all your food etc
he pays board.
And if not op will moan at him ‘more’ than his mum (and then moan to partner causing their relationship to suffer).
Ss is after an easy ride and is too immature to see his behaviour is the problem.
kids can play one parent off against the other.

Sometimes the universe gives us a sign. Right now the universe has shown you the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with is a complete ass. Yes, parents should prioritise their children but that doesn't mean they impose them on their partner without any discussion. There has been no talk of how this will work as to cooking, laundry and food let alone getting into the subject of their use of utilities or even asking you about your views. You are meant to put up with a young man even his own mother can't stand to live with. Your "partner" has just presented it as a fait accompli. He just assumes you will suck it all up without complaint. Right now I would not be buying a house with this man. Well to be honest, I would probably never buy a house with this sort of man.

OP has ''left the building '' or been hit by a bus!

OP has ''left the building '' or been hit by a bus!

Yes I'd love it if the OP returned and said she'd called the solicitors and stopped the purchase but I suspect the 'D'P will have talked her round. It's a shame.

Difficult for the OP, I suppose, if she's been talked round and convinced to go ahead with the house purchase despite literally hundreds of strangers on the internet telling her in no uncertain terms it would be a really bad idea.

Everyone told me not to marry my ex husband. I felt too awkward to pull out of the wedding last minute. 10 years of abject misery ensued.
Don't be me. Pull out now. It doesn't matter that its last minute.
Your partner has dumped something on you without even having the decency to discuss it with you.
Its a massive red flag. Your life will be a misery and nobody will respect you.

I wish someone had actually said the words “Don’t marry him.” to me when I was marrying my ex but nobody did. I didn’t want to, it all felt wrong and I was miserable but it was too late in the day (so I thought) to pull out. Ended up being declared bankrupt as he messed with my head, finances and all sorts of horribleness until I escaped.

I hope your life is more positive now.

I hope the OP is reading all the messages and has listened. It’s awful watching a wreck happening in slow motion and not being able to do anything

She'll be back, name changed, when it all goes to hell in a handcart. And we'll all support her. Cos we're the good guys 😀

So he'll now be messy in your new house.

She might find that the son is having very loud sex with his girlfriend.

That's the least of her problems.

I imagine the OP is dealing with a whole pile of very difficult and very urgent life decisions and is sensibly focussing on doing that rather than coming back to update the thread. She heard a lot of great advice, and can use that however she wants. It’s not been very long in real life since this all happened.

Damn OP, you're going to let this happen?

This. We've all pretty much been saying the same thing for hundreds of posts now, and it's a lot for OP to take on - not just this house surprise, but everyone dog-piling onto the DP that she was happy with until now... She must be in some shock.

I'm sure her time will now be better spent getting a clear head and dealing with this IRL rather than coming back to update. If she does update, I hope it's good news; but if she gets in a pickle, I hope she feels able to come back for support.

Good on yer, @maximusss ! 🤗

What happened @maximusss? I can’t stop thinking about your thread!

I imagine she is, a moment to just say thanks for your input everyone, I've read it and have a lot to think about, wouldn't take a lot of time out of her day.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, one more thing can seem too much.

Also true.

It's just frustrating after asking for opinions, she's decided not to return.

I know it happens all the time on here, it's just frustrating when people leave mid topic after receiving opinions and advice about their dilemma.

Anyway, whatever OP decides, I hope it works out well for her.

The issue for me is not the situation, it’s the lack of any discussion. What else is he going to drop on you with no discussion.

really. Now is the time o draw a line before yoh are committed by jointly owning a house.

That's all folks, OP has left the building.

Ok, so many thread where no reply after the majour crux served.

i will never buy a house with a man who has an ex and children from another woman. If they are such a big boss, let them buy a house for me and a separate to their own adult children.

OP, so exchanging on Monday?? and burying your money and whole future welfare into it??

@thankfulnessisnotbizarre would you expect them to buy a separate house for your adult DC too?