Small town problems!

[Givenup2026]

as I don’t have that many friends, I’m trying out myself out there. There’s a FB group where people post and organise meet-ups. Somebody posted about meeting this Saturday, and I was one of the first ones to reply.

For better or for worse, my friend (who I’m trying to extend / separate) my non existent friend group also replied. So then I had to separately message the organiser telling her I really wanted to go but won’t go anymore to avoid any awkwardness. I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group.

i talked to my DH and 15yo and they both agreed it would had been awkward to attend, but that considering we’re in a smallish town, it will
keep happening. So I could try and have an open and frank conversation with her, but that it would invariably misconstrued.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? They also seemed like a proper party crowd (the organiser even told me she is) and that’s something that I’m looking for.

of course I could go and semi ignore her but I think it would be worse!

Sounds like you want to shag about and dont want it getting back to your husband.

You're screaming 'lack of self confidence' here and that's what you need to work on.

All these different little personas that you're labelling and filing away to bring out in different groups/scenarios is just odd.

Everyone acts differently at a party than they do at the school gates, walking round a supermarket or a museum.

That's just them - one person being different in different situations.

No need to have separate groups of friends for everything. It makes you sound as though you're embarrassed to let people know what you're really like.

Just own it. It's part of being an adult.

I know she doesn’t like her original friend group because she found her too “stuffy”.

However my friend can be quite judgmental. She openly says that gay people are made not born. Our 18yo is gay, so it wasn’t the best comment.

She can have an “I told you so” which is most certainly not my cup of tea.

and she also once called a dear friend of ours a complete useless loser (her words not mine).

I think Dull Doris might be me!

(Not the homophobic bit!)

And yet she's still your friend?

Our friends are a reflection of ourselves.

I think you should remember this.

Yes this, I think they're going to think you're a problem.

You could have just dipped out and said something else had come up.

I’m far too lazy to be doing all that partying. I was very glad to leave it behind. Horses for courses though. One person’s heaven is another person’s nightmare.

Personally I think this nails it

The more I read this, the more I think this is a spoof thread.

I wanted to join a group with people I had zero history with. So no preconceptions, a nice start from scratch.

I'm afraid that as long as you keep compartmentalising your life (and identity) like this, OP, you're always going to end up with the same problem, wherever you are.

Life is all about fine tuning to align your outer world with your inner one. It takes courage, but is worth the effort in the long run.

A textbook example of "main character syndrome" right here.

I honestly don’t get why would wouldn’t just go, mingle and make new friends?

I remember way back when my kids started school. I knew some of the school mums from nursery, NCT etc but met loads of new ones. Some I really clicked with and we went out partying together etc. We still met up all together with the ones who were less adventurous sometimes.

It’s fine to have different friends that overlap different groups.

No, actually that was a bit of a deal breaker, but since neither of us have a lot friends, we’ve left them as “superficial “ friends if you like

Then if she's just a superficial friend stop worrying about her being at the same thing as you!

God you sound insufferable. You’ve been friendly enough with the woman to watch Eurovision together but you don’t want to talk to her at this public event? Gross. Frankly I’m not surprised you mention your friend circle is nonexistent. Real friends do not treat people as props in their main character syndrome. Take a good look at yourself. It’s common for certain personalities to have both an overinflated ego at the same time as crippling insecurities. Therapy could address this.
Most mature adults evolve to have diverse interests and traits. Why not just be yourself, instead of performative facades to try to fit in with groups you’ve decided you want to befriend.
I’m actually unsure if I’m addressing a 14 year old here…

I think you should explore therapy again for your rigidity and lack of self confidence and your failure to think in a developmentally appropriate way ie like a middle aged woman and not a particularly short fused y8 girl. Objectively you must know it’s weird (by which I mean narcissistic and self destructive) to message a “I’m not going if she’s going” message in these circumstances.
Why did you consciously choose to make Dull Doris seem so insufferable to someone she doesn’t know of barely knows and make yourself look so childish rather than just say “sorry I’m not going to be able to make this after all. Hope you all have a great time”?

As she s a homophobic twat. I wouldn't give a monkeys what she thought. Go along, be civil but talk to other people. As she pushed you as to why you work speaking to her. I would tell her that you didn't appreciate her comments on homosexuality and leave it at that.

Then what's the thread all about? 🤷‍♂️

You've constantly referred to her as your friend all the way through, and now it turns out she's a nasty, judgemental homophobe, you're saying she's not really your friend?

Confusing.

Sue Townsend once said that people didn't realise how close she was to being him 😂 Wonderful woman, gone much too soon.

Also confused how you could bring yourself to say this about a nasty, judgemental, homophobic woman?

"I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group."

As PPs have said, all you had to do was back out by saying something's come up at the last minute.

But you’re not ok with it or you wouldn’t be looking to extend your social circle.

You actually sound really difficult.

You’re not that unique, we all present differently in different social situations, and you trying to box people into where YOU think they belong will leave you isolated.

On this thread OP has an 18 year old and a 15 year old. On her thread about whether or not to take a cruise she has a six year old. No mention of the older ones, just several references to a party of three. I think I'm beginning to see why the older ones wouldn't want to join their mom on vacation.

Oh christ

I mean I never, almost never say this on here, but you need therapy of some sort

We all have different facets to ourselves, its no biggie

Unless you work for MI5, you are just bog standard person with some various interests.

In the nicest way, you are nothing special.

Stop the naval gazing and categorisation. Its unhealthy

What are you teaching your child?