Small town problems!

[Givenup2026]

as I don’t have that many friends, I’m trying out myself out there. There’s a FB group where people post and organise meet-ups. Somebody posted about meeting this Saturday, and I was one of the first ones to reply.

For better or for worse, my friend (who I’m trying to extend / separate) my non existent friend group also replied. So then I had to separately message the organiser telling her I really wanted to go but won’t go anymore to avoid any awkwardness. I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group.

i talked to my DH and 15yo and they both agreed it would had been awkward to attend, but that considering we’re in a smallish town, it will
keep happening. So I could try and have an open and frank conversation with her, but that it would invariably misconstrued.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? They also seemed like a proper party crowd (the organiser even told me she is) and that’s something that I’m looking for.

of course I could go and semi ignore her but I think it would be worse!

It’s borderline sociopathic, the way the OP writes reminds me of a girl that bullied me mercilessly at school.

You sound like a very average person doing normal everyday things that everyone does, but hugely overanalysing them. They're not 'personas' and you don't need to think of them as separate entities.

23 would be my age of choice if I’m honest :)

Sounds like she's bored and wants to get out more. Please let Her!

Also sounds like you don't like her - if so why are you hanging out with her so much?

The comment about the dealer is weird. I would not have known what to make of that.

You’ve still picked an age at which the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed, which figures…

You can't do that either. You can try, but it won't fool anyone.

Whence this delayed action adolescence?

You sound bitchy and childish - there was absolutely no need to mention your "friend" to the organiser of the event. To be honest, you come across as very up yourself. I'm sure most people can cope with the idea that there are different facets to someone's personality.

I haven’t met anyone like that since I was 16.

I suspect that's because they're not 16 any more but you think you still are.

I know a woman who people describe as "a 40 year old teenager". Even the people who like her say she hasn't changed since she was 16 and it's very, very wearing.

Even if your reason for not going made sense (it doesn't), you could have just said that you can no longer go - didn't need to drag others into your weirdness.

You say small town problems but honestly…it sounds like you have personal small mind problems.

This is all very strange OP.

I live in a small town and regularly see the same people in different situations, I know nurses, teachers, carers, business owners, farmers, corporate execs and many of them behave or look differently in different situations, such as no make-up barely out of pyjamas on the school run, to corporate dress while chairing an 11am meeting, to full glam, embarrassing themselves on a dance floor at midnight! You can be many versions of yourself all at the same time, and at different times - "I'm a bitch I'm a lover, I'm a child I'm a mother, I'm a sinner I'm a saint and i do not feel ashamed...' as Meredith Brooks once said.

Its perfectly normal to have different 'you's' in different situations and to want to try different things, like your 'friend'. What's weird, is cutting your nose off to spite your face in some strange attempt to hide the party girl version of yourself from a 'friend' who seems to fully embrace different versions of herself.

But she has also signed up to go, so it's not a case that she will realise you want other friends without her. You have both done the same thing (signed up to a group to meet new people) but you are being weird about it.

If what you're saying is why not continue to go out, have some drinks, talk to randoms and fancy yourself as young and wild at heart, despite being a mum with a good job, then there is absolutely no reason why not.
Its actually really common for people living conventional lives with responsibilities to imagine that they are not like all the other boring people and to do little acts of self affirmation that they are still in the game.
Finding other 30s mums who feel as you do should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
The thing that's holding you back is your belief that you genuinely are different and that other not different people would be shocked by you. That's where the innaturity comes in, because its a bit teen angst 'no one understands me' when what you want actually couldn't be more familiar and normal.

But you don't seen to care about her inevitably finding out you decided not to go because she was there? I have no issues with my friends having different friendship groups as thats normal, but I'd be pretty annoyed if one took it upon herself to email a stranger to say she wouldn't go because i was also going because whilst "I'm lovely" it would be awkward. I mean get over yourself!

What do you mean as a different persona ?? Do you have multiple personalities

what has this person done that you can’t socialise with her

why did you feel the need to tell anyone else , just make excuses and don’t go

Because when you're 15 you don't know who you are. You do stupid things that are kind of acceptable as a teenager but not as a 40 year old who should have learned how the world works.

15 year olds have no other responsibilities, they only have themselves to think about and hence they're very self centred and selfish. And that's fine because they're 15. Adults generally have bigger worries and don't sweat the small stuff as much.

My DH is a good example of how to remain "fun" but he a grown up. He holds down a good job that is a lot of heavy responsibility, is an excellent partner and father, has stopped behaving like a "lad" because he has to provide for his family. But inside he's still a big kid (part of what makes him a great dad, he's a lot of fun). He still has hobbies he enjoyed when he was younger and doesn't care if they are "too young", but he's stopped behaving like a lunatic on nights out because the hangovers are too much, especially with a small child, and the consequences could be bad.

There's so much more to life than being a teenager. One of my friends, god love her, is absolutely insistent that we all get together in our home town and go out "like old times". And she means when we were 17 and sneaking into clubs. No one wants to, the town isn't great now, those clubs are either long gone or full of 17 year olds and we're all late 30s/early 40s now. We'd rather go for a nice cocktail and chat than be surrounded by drunk teenagers.

Just accept yourself for who you are now. All your facets. And grow up with it.

Have a quick look at OP’s many bonkers threads and prolific posting and you’ll notice that she’s an attention seeker.

Deeply odd behaviour. Why not just be yourself all day, every day?

Like I said it was a knee jerk reaction.

also people need to remember that last time I had an IRL that could converge with other circles was almost 20 years ago!

I genuinely think you would benefit from therapy or some deep soul searching. Your whole thought process around this event and friendship is very unhealthy.

Therapists have signed me off… it’s most likely all down to my autism really or maybe lack of socialising.

last time I talked to someone she said she could see “I was coming from a good place”.

My sympathies lie with normal friend just wants to join social activities in the town and has some weirdo messaging the organisers behind her back saying they she cant attend because normal friend is going and weirdo wants to showcase all of her dazzling alter-egos.

You sound like Petula Gordino from Dinnerladies OP. But worse.

I know somebody like this who attends my bridge group. She is lonely and joins whatever she can just to meet and be among other people. Is your 'friend' lonely too? Whatever the case, I would still go along myself.

See I sniffed the autism out before you said it… theory of mind OP. Google it. Might explain why you’re thinking and behaving so strangely around around others.

What does that even mean? 😕