Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

This is a tough one! I’d usually say yes, DH should be taking the baby off your hands so that you can get ready for your weekend away. However, personally I think most mum’s would not be leaving their baby at this age for a girlie weekend away but seen as you’ve decided this is okay to do, you do have a ‘full’ leisurely weekend planned so why are you insisting on additional leisure time from your DH when your DH has had just a few hours sleep?
Kinda selfish tbh.

Lastly, I don’t think your DH is in recovery at all if he’s working until 1.45am.

@EspressoMachiato

i wouldn’t have a baby with someone who I think is so inadequate he couldn’t even look after said baby.

You can bet anything that all the posters falling over themselves to blame the "selfish, irresponsible, nasty" husband trying to "punish" (?) the OP would have a completely different reaction if a man was leaving for a stag do but expected his wife to get up early so he had time to trim his beard or blow dry his hair 😂

In reality, they would be in rage if HE didn't take the baby in the morning to give his wife a little break or a chance a sleep a bit before she ends up alone all weekend with their baby and likely broken nights again.

He was probably exhausted from working so late. He runs his own company which they say is 24/7. It’s very likely he’s funding her weekend away - on top of bills - because he’s working so hard!

The guy needs his sleep!

Just get ready with the baby with you? Bouncer / chair / play mat etc

Wtf are you on about? Op says quite clearly he's a 'recovery workaholic', there was no need for him to be back so late.

@Peachepan why have you posted in AIBU if you want to challenge anyone who suggests you are in fact being unreasonable?
If this was reversed and the mother had gone to bed at 2am after working and the husband was off on a golf weekend and wanted to get the mother up so he could have a gym session before heading off so he wasn’t “frazzled” before his jolly, the responses would be WILD!

that cannot be genuine, can it?

How do you reconcile your very bizarre ideas with all the male fetal surgeons, male obstetricians, male midwives (sadly too rare but they exist), male nurses?

And all the dads who are just being dads and look after their own babies and children because they are their dads -whether mum is well, dead or in ICU, but they're still the father anyway

Exactly! And get used to it, as when maternity leave is over, getting ready for work with kids in tow is a daily occurrence.

Is not the couple of hours the way you say it. Is the couple of hours extra that he needs of sleep so he can look after the baby for the rest of the day. He leaves her at home with baby so he can go to work. You know, so they can eat, and have a roof over their heads...is crazy how people take things out of context so they can suit their man-bashig narrative.

How sad that you feel even the childs father shouldn't look after them overnight.

I am sure you are making a nice little movie in your little head, so do tell us more.

Yes apparently he is a "business owner. And a recovering workaholic" in .. what?
sock factory? Farming? restaurant or nightclub owner? Flower shop? Cleaning business?

How do you know who has to work late or not?

It was agreed and he went back on it. He was responsible. It's good for him to have a taste of solo parenting, rather than just expecting you to. Hope you had a lovely weekend

My husband often agrees to go out say 7.30pm. Then shifts it back to 6.30pm. Then on the day often even earlier. Drives me mad!

You're very invested in what's in my head aren't you?

Oh well. OP does and it's her life!

Oh piss off!!! She is perfectly entitled and it is so weird that people think women aren’t allowed to do stuff like this just because they’ve birthed a human.

As he’s expected not to work from today until Monday while OP is off on a jolly - and still make sure his business runs smoothly in his absence - he probably had no choice but to work until the early hours of the morning.

You do make up storries though, pp was roght. How the hell would you know he stayed late deliberately? If he has his own buisness I assume he stayed because he had to not because he likes coming home at 2am. And what recovering workaholic means?

It’s a 5 month old baby- seriously what difference did it make whoever had them, they barely move!

In any case, if I got woken up having got back from work in the early hours so my partner could do his hair before escaping for a weekend I’d be livid.

it’s a holiday, not a job interview for gods sake. You didn’t need to prepare.

you are addressing your posts to me, I am replying. You KNOW so I am indeed curious of what exactly you KNOW
because we all read the same information on that thread, but you seem to know so much more 😂

Welcome to motherhood ( joke)

they barely move but they don't fucking sleep, they're exhausting 😂

but I agree, make-up and hair are non issues with a 5 month old!

You don’t prepare to be away from the baby by not wanting to spend time with the baby. That’s ridiculous. Also it’s Thursday, that’s a long weekend if you’re back Sunday or Monday.

But so true!

I know right!

@EspressoMachiato

they don't have the same reflexes as women

What does this even mean?