Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

Lots of women on here don’t wear makup, OP or style their hair. Which is fine but lots of them are also quite contemptuous of women who do- they see it as vacuous, vain waste of time. So don’t be swayed by them, OP. You were not unreasonable to want to be able to invest a bit of time in your appearance for a weekend away not long after having a baby, which let’s be honest does have a huge impact on a woman. @Peachepan

Assuming you two talk to each other, then you'd be really justified in being peed off that he came home so late and then complained when you were trying to get ready in the morning. Having a w/e away from a young child is a big deal, so much to think about and you've had to think about making sure your man child is OK too.
He's a selfish sod. Christ, it's his child too. He's not the babysitter.
Go have a great time and forget about all this.

@awaynboilyurheid

having “me time” as a parent is perfectly ok, essential even. You don’t stop needing time to yourself just because you’re a parent

Me too.
I'm old fashioned on this but I can't imagine leaving a baby on its own with the father for a weekend away in the same country let alone going abroad.
I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself worrying about what could go wrong.

Where does the OP say that?

The husband leaves baby with OP for long periods all the time for work, and he still argued over a couple of extra hours? That’s so pathetic. __

He got back at 2am and you wanted him to have the baby so you could have a leisurely morning curling your hair? You are in the wrong. I wouldn't leave my 5 month old and travel to another country though so we are obviously very different!

She clearly isn't breastfeeding so I imagine lots!

He was working until the early hours, you wanted to do your hair.

Was this this morning?

Sorry but you are being unreasonable. He has been working late you are going on a weekend jolly. You don't need hours to get ready do it at the airport or just make do .Hair and makeup isn't that important!
If it was me I would what to spend as much time as I could with my baby if I was going to be away from them for a weekend .

If he was going away and expected you to take over hours before then he would be unreasonable to.

@EspressoMachiato

its ok for a mother or father to have a weekend away with friends leaving the child with their other parent. Why on earth wouldn’t it be??

Sorry OP this is my thoughts. Even if I'm out for the day for drinks and lunch once or twice a year I normally do all the breakfasts etc then have an hour to get ready before I go. This is mainly because (rightly or wrongly OH struggles with following the routine we have 4 young kids and gets way more stressed than me). Enjoy your weekend ✨

Nonsense! DH went away between Christmas and new year with his older two leaving me with the puppy and baby. Before he left he absolutely did as much as he could to make sure he was leaving me without anything extra to do. It's give and take isn't it, regardless of gender, if you're expecting your partner to take on 100% of the work, then surely you can at least help where you can beforehand.

Because small babies need to be with their primary caregiver.

Had you told him before hand that he would have the baby from 7am or just sprung it on him? Did he have to work until that time? YABU if you sprung it on him and he had no choice about what time her finished. YANBU if you’d told him in advance or he chose to work late knowing he had to be up early.

As someone who regularly gets home from work at 2am due to shifts, it’s an absolute killer when you have to get up that early and do childcare all day so even just an extra hour of sleep helps. My
husband is really good at getting up with the kids if I’m working late on the weekends but I have to be up during the week as he’s also at work.

That depends on who's looking after the baby.
I personally wouldn't trust a man on his own with a baby overnight - they don't have the same reflexes as women and have a lot of catching up to do. I didn't leave mine alone with anyone even for an evening out for the first two years - my choice. I wouldn't have trusted someone else of either sex until then.

You should’ve been responsible for baby, at least until he’d had a decent amount of sleep.

What a dreadful state that you couldn’t trust the father of your child to look after them.

What do you mean by “they’ve a lot of catching up to do”?

I know, it beggars belief doesn't it.

Poor OP. Doesn’t look like she’s coming back after the pile on here. The viper’s nest at its peak again.

OP, in case you do read here. You’re not unreasonable, assuming your husband had the option of not working as late as he did, which I’ll assume is the case based on what you’ve said about being a workaholic. Even if he did have to work, it’s only a one off and he could have got up a little earlier.

Also, you’re doing nothing wrong by having a weekend to yourself and leaving your child with its other parent (I’m sure there’d be no eyelids batted at all if it was your husband going). I also get where you’re coming from re: anxiety and feeling down about your body. It’s also nice to be able to get prepared and ready in relative peace, especially when you’re anxious. There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look your best and feeling good.

And ignore those saying you should do it on the plane…they’d probably be the ones posting a thread on here saying “I can’t believe this woman is doing her hair and makeup on the plane”.

Totally!

He's punishing you for taking your Me time

Absolutely this.
He's a selfish man that was punishing you for daring to take a few days break.
Be very careful OP.
So easy for him to promise he would change, words are cheap, actions are what counts.

His actions made your going away more stressful for you.
Good husbands and fathers don't do this.

It's clearly your husband who should have had the baby. Clearly. More and more though I realise that folk are extremely extremely selfish. Cannot put themselves out a tiny bit for anyone. The first post on this thread is classic mumsnet. I wouldn't believe people could be so selfish if I didn't see it here 🙄