Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

and people think selling pink or blue tshirt for boys or girls are an issue.

When you read some of the posts on this thread, you should realise it's more women who bring us down than most men!

You’re only 5 months in and at that stage I think you’re still adjusting to everything emotionally, hormonally, physically - and also you are probably always feeling frazzled. But I’m afraid that lasts years and years 🤣
I totally understand how you were feeling about it and in yourself, but I do think you will need to adjust your expectations about how long you can spend uninterrupted on yourself. An hour should have been plenty. And you could have got ready with baby playing somewhere safe with you.
My dh also works very long and late hours & I suspect in this case your dh worked so late as he knew he’d be unable to work the days while you were away. So on balance I think you should have let him lie in.
Once you left you had days to yourself.

She’s speaking about her own husband, who sounds a bit on the feeble side.

It certainly doesn’t extend to the entire male race. Thank God.

Poor thing, if she thinks this is the norm!

I know right!

I actually find it really sad @EspressoMachiato that you denied yourself a night out for TWO YEARS because you didn’t trust your partner to look after their own child

Same.

I would probably would have let him sleep as long as possible so that he wasn’t irritable with baby from lack of sleep the rest of the weekend.

However, I wouldn’t be happy if he had voluntarily finished work at 1.45 and would have expected him to do his best to finish early to allow time to get ready for the weekend. You say he works for himself so presumably that could have been possible.

Honestly I’ve a 6 month old and I could mind the baby and do make up at the same time. Can the baby not be put down or something ?

Okay for your partner to start the weekend feeling frazzled on limited sleep though? If you need several hours to do makeup, dress, drink coffee etc before going on a weekend break in order not to feel frazzled, it sounds like your stress tolerance is quite low.

YABU. You’re already having a weekend away. Why couldn’t you just let your DH get some rest in the morning when he’d been working until almost 2am?

I sincerely hope that you're posting about a situation from last weekend OP.

Brcause if not, it's absolutely abhorrent that you'll potentially be away on your trip and reading the awful judgemental responses on this thread

FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable, and I think that a lot of PP are overlooking thr state of your mental health.

I can conpletely empathise with needing time to mentally prepare, and recognise that it's part of my depression and anxiety (as well as ND for me).

Those that don't "get it" are very fortunate to not have been similarly affected by a MEDICAL CONDITION, and should be grateful for that and less judgemental.

I hope that your trip was/is enjoyable.

I would have put the baby down somewhere safe and done my hair and make up and I’d have woken him up just before I had to leave. Maybe given him 30 mins to wake up and adjust before leaving. The guy may be a workaholic but he also got in at 2am so yeah, I’d have let him sleep a bit more.

Op has made no mention of suffering from any such MEDICAL CONDITION 🙄

I'd be pissed if my DH did this. He's about to head off on a leisurely weekend, leaving me with the baby, I've worked really late, and he swans around getting ready... No, sorry OP, not okay.

Depends how much he helps normally for me.

If he usually leaves all the baby work/early mornings at the weekends to OP and this is her one weekend off, then I think she's fair enough.

If he's usually helpful, then yes, OP could have been a bit more helpful in return given that she's going away.

Where has OP said anything about how often she does or doesn't get a lie in at home?

Personally I found leaving such young babies for more than a few hours stressful and if I had been going away I would've been wanting to spend every last minute with my babe before leaving.

Husband wouldn't have left me for a weekend and I wouldn't have left him with such a young one.

I was extrapolating info from the Op's posts, if i got it wrong then I'm sorry, certainly didn't intend making anything up. She gave the impression that he was working long hours needlessly, i thought that him coming home in the small hours knowing she was going away the next morning was a bad decision on his part.

Anyway can we move on now pls?

Completely agree! And for those saying she shouldn’t be having a weekend away as baby is only five months - I mean ffs!!! Five weeks maybe but five months?!! Dear god. Are fathers not supposed to look after their own children?!

Personally I love having a break from my kids. And if it involves an overnight then all the better 😄

I really hope OP had an amazing and well deserved break! Sounds like the dad probably does naff all anyway if he’s a “workaholic”. Which to me sounds like he’s not flat out because otherwise the mortgage doesn’t get paid… More like chooses to be at work until silly o clock.

Did he know before working so late that he would be responsible for baby while you got ready? mean, I don’t think yanbu for wanting some peace to get ready, but you needed to make your expectations clear eg
’DH, I don’t have to leave until 9 but I’d appreciate some time to get ready, finish packing, to look nice etc…. so you’ll need to look after baby once he wakes up, although I’ll feed him’.

He knew I wanted to have the morning to “prepare” myself mentally.

Prepare mentally?! This isn't a job interview or a presentation to the board of directors!

You don't need leisurely child-free time to do your hair and make-up in preparation for a leisurely child-free weekend of doing whatever you want!

I’d expect her DH to want to ‘soak up’ as much time with their son as she would, considering he probably sees far far less of him day to day. Did he really need to work so late or was he avoiding the alternative at home?
If someone would have offered me a weekend away at five months I’d have taken their hand off.
i’m with you OP. Have a lovely weekend.

Why can’t a mother go away for a weekend if the other parent is minding the child ? I find this attitude pretty wild.

100% YABU

A) What the heck is a recovering workaholic
B) It's Thursday and you are heading off for a weekend away from your 5 month baby? When did the weekend start on Thursday? You are getting 3/4 days away and you are frazzled because you demand more?
C) Presumably he's working to contribute towards the household and the baby? And will not be working for a few days since he's minding the baby... so yes it's understandable he might need to work late. I certainly always seem to be working late before a few days off.
D) He wasn't out drinking or socialising... he was working. Absolutely his extra few hours sleep are more important than you doing your hair and makeup. He is now minding a child (probably for the longest period he has) on a few measly hours sleep so you can enjoy a few nights away. Absolutely you're entitled to time off (personally I couldn't do it but that's not to say anything wrong with it so ignore anyone slamming that idea) but he's entitled to be as well rested as possible so he can parent to the best of his ability.
E) How did you get all the housework done in advance.... but yet you arent able to brush your hair, or have a coffee with the baby around?

I think you both need a serious discussion about what each party expects if the other. If you think he works too much but you still had a baby with him... how would you expect it to change?

He should have stepped up. His choice to work until thd middle of the night. You've done your bit.