Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

But if it’s easy, why do they suffer at all?

Or are we really claiming the massive pressure, the lack of sleep, loss of identity, lack of me time and struggle to fill the days are just because of hormones?

You don’t really get a “leisurely” morning with a small baby. Sure if you were going away you’d want to spend the last few hours with the baby before you left it. Also if my husband had work at 1:45 in the morning and I was going away for the weekend I’d want to look after the baby for a few hours before I left so he could perhaps have a rest.

I’d love to know how many uninterrupted 5 hour sleeps the OP has had since birth. Given she’s married to a workaholic, not many I bet.

It's silly for him to work till that time before he is looking after your baby.
It's also silly for you to need multiple hours to prepare yourself for a weekend.

Suggest you let it go and try to have a lovely weekend.

'He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend '

It's HIS child!

He didn't have to stay that long, he chose to.

oh you are his assistant? Tell us more about his business and his planning, we can't wait 😂

When he goes away for a weekend does he do all this too in readiness for you being alone with the baby? Or would he just pack his bits and kiss you farewell?

If I wasn’t going to see my baby all weekend I’d want to spend every second with them, I’d be actively wrestling my DH If he said “I’ll take the baby”
Also you’re about to get a weekend to yourself, is he getting one?

I think Op is fussing too much about time to get ready.

But it was more than likely her husband's choice to not get in until the time he did, so limited sympathy really.

Some men would get up with their baby so that their wives could get ready in peace though.

If he’d gone to bed at a reasonable hour then I’d say fine but if he’s only had a few hours sleep and he’s going to be up with the baby again tonight then YABU. I would have let him rest this morning, it’s all about give and take when they’re little.

If you are catching a plane then why do you need hours to do your hair and make up? You could always do your make up on the plane.

Agree, unless by you saying you deserve me time, he's had lots of weekends away and this is your first break. In that case, you need a discussion about fairness.
But especially if he's the only one working now (I know a lot of people can only manage a few months maternity so I am not assuming everyone gets the best part of a year), I get where he and previous posters are coming from.

Sounds like you both want “ me time “ at expense of poor baby doesn’t sound a great start to their life.

I think you were both expecting the type of morning you had pre-baby - a lie in from DH’s perspective and a couple of hours to get yourself ready from your perspective. Realistically, neither is hugely possible! It’s a difficult transition and can cause a lot of resentment if you’re both not careful. Things need to be agreed well in advance so that nobody is surprised and disappointed as happened with both of you today.

On her weekend away, one might suppose...

Probably at some point over the eeekend she is off on her jollys?

You wanted to be free of the baby to “prepare mentally” for being free of the baby?
No, don’t get it.

and I assure you plenty of women would NOT get up early with the baby so their husband could do their hair in peace 😂

You are a mother now. Grow up.

I do also think how many hours the Op was wanting is relevant.

I've come back to this thread as something else has just occurred to me - today is Thursday - the official weekend is 48 hours away. So while I think 1:45am is a crazy time to get home, I am guessing that he has taken the day off work both today and tomorrow to be at home, so possibly he was trying to get as much done as possible yesterday to make up for the days when he can't be in work.

It's his own business, so to an extent he chooses his hours, but the reality when you own your own business is that you often have to do crazy hours to get the thing off the ground, to keep it going in really uncertain economic times and because other people rely on him - including his household relying on him to bring money home every month. If he was compressing his time to be able to take two full days off to look off his child while the mother enjoys a long weekend - because going on a Thursday suggests to me that she's taking four days - then I can understand the imperative to put in a really long day to leave things in as good as position as possible. I know two people who run their own businesses and it's a hard slog and they both do ridiculous hours to keep things going.

Ok. I’ve read all the OPs posts and she doesn’t say that anywhere. She says she asked him to “cut back” but not what “cutting back” looks like in a practical sense or whether that is a practical and reasonable thing to do. Nor has she said what he was actually doing - just “work” - nothing about deadlines or workload or if he was just arsing about or doing something that could easily wait. Nor has she said what the business is. He might run a nightclub or be a dairy farmer.

So he got in at 145am...presumably didn't go to sleep right away so maybe asleep by 3 and you want him to look after the baby on 4ish hours sleep so you can preen.

Sorry @Peachepan but you are massively unreasonable here.

Blimey
a woman saying her husband expected her to look after the baby after 5 hours sleep so he could “mentally prepare” before a weekend away would get some fairly blunt LTB responses!

Expecting you to take the baby in the morning is fine. Being huffy about having to look after his own child for a whole weekend is manchild behaviour.