Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

I kept mine, I used as my ring when I married someone else too, waste not want not!

I have never, ever, heard of this "tradition". I think it just depends how much the man, or the couple if they share finances, feel they can afford at the time and how important it is to them for the woman to wear expensive jewellery. By your reckoning my now-DH and I spent only about a twentieth of what we "should" have done on my ring but I assure you I’m very happy with it and had/have no desire for a flashier one. We had plenty of more important things to spend his/our money on.

Unless it’s an heirloom of his family you keep it. It’s given as a gift.
Historically, an engagement ring was given to the bride to be as a token of insurance in the case that the wedding didn’t go ahead.
Rings are usually not worth much second hand anyway, so either way no one’s going to profit much from it.

Yeah, it's an advertising campaign. Like 'Coke is it!' and 'Ronseal. Does what it says on the tin.'

And given that this is a pretty well-known fact, it's deeply weird how many people still appear to think that this is some kind of hallowed tradition without which their engagement is somehow less valuable...

I can't think why the holder of the ring would want to even keep it. If they're the one being dumped why would they want such a visceral reminder of what they've lost and if they're the one doing the dumping why would they want a symbol of someone they presumably no longer want in their life.

@ChicJoker I feel like it depends who broke off the engagement, if it was a heterosexual couple and the man breaks it off the woman keeps it, he broke the contract of marriage. If the woman breaks it off she should give it back as she is breaking the contract. That's just my opinion.

Give the ring back. Why keep the ring if you don’t want to keep the man?

Okay!

the 3 months salary thing is something my mum told me years ago and I know a few other people have the same idea. Personally it’s not something that greatly matters to me (price) and I thought I’d always want an understated ring I.e a decent sized good quality diamond on a plain thin band. However since all sorts of talks of marriage have been talked about (casually, hypothetically) with a new relationship, it’s prompted various other conversations and it’s definitely piqued my interest of my ring options 😂

it’s all very exciting. But I agree there’s something that makes me wince about spending tens of thousands on a diamond ring because the likes of Moissanite and/or lab grown diamonds exist!

my friend had an opal engagement ring and it cracked within the first year so I can see why diamonds etc are preferred

This

Yes it should be given back.

I think the solution is not to give something away if you actually want to keep it.

Except by giving it to your future wife you’d be keeping it in the family, which is kind of the entire point of family heirloom’s. Hence at the point you’re not going to be family you should return it. Honestly you’d have to be a real arsehole not to return a ring in this instance.

I used to work bankruptcies, more than once I had to retrieve an expensive engagement ring from a fiancée bought by the fiancé on credit. The ring is given in expectation of the completion of the contract of marriage, ownership doesn’t change until the marriage takes place. Those fiancées were both mad and sad afterwards. So - to settle your argument, pre marriage the ring goes back, post divorce the ex wife keeps it.

Do you mean that you would not have repossessed rings during bankruptcy if the couple had married?

I’d give it back, unless the giver was a cheat, in which case screw ‘em.

The salary proportion was invented by De Beers as part of a diamond marketing campaign. It’s not a long or culturally meaningful tradition.

If the future husband leaves his bride, the bride should keep the ring. If she leaves then she should return it. It’s a gesture of intent to marry. That said, I intend to give my son my grandmother’s engagement ring when he proposes, so I hope that if something went wrong his fiancé would return it.

I think there are lots of factors to think of. Who ended the relationship and the reasons. If the man has paid and the woman cheated then she should give it back. If the man cheated then he forfeits the ring.
I think it would definitely be a case by case decision.

I think when people say 'keep' they mean keep to do what they please with it, not to wear it or put it in a drawer as a reminder! I suspect most people who are dumped and end up with custody of an engagement ring go straight down to the nearest pawnbroker or second-hand jeweller and sell it.

My dad was engaged to someone else before he met my mum. She dumped him. When she gave him the ring back he pawned it and put the money towards a Lambretta scooter.

There is zero 'tradition' of spending that much on a ring. That was a marketing ploy to dupe people into spending more money on rings.

(Also, the marketing ploy was originally one month's salary, not three, so if people now think they need to spend three months' salary, that's just more marketing.)

If you’re engaged then yes, if married I’d be more inclined to say no. I feel like if you’re “only” engaged the ring is to mark the fact that you’re going to get married and by splitting it up you’re breaking that.

If I split up with someone before getting married, I wouldn't want to keep the engagement ring. That's weird.

I don’t see why the cause of the break-up matters.

An engagement ring is not simply a “gift”. It’s specifically in the context of a commitment to marry. If the marriage does not go ahead why on earth should the woman (or man) keep the ring?!

Hmmm depends. If it’s an heirloom it needs returning and if the woman does the breaking up then return. If the man does the breaking up then keep it. Obviously this is assuming a man/woman couple

If I was dumped then I’d be selling it. Thats why

You give it back or, as in my case because I loved it so much, I gave him the money!