Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

Divorced is different. Divorced is a sad end to a fulfilled contract (how romantic :) ) but an engagement is an unfulfilled contract... so it should be returned!

Depends who breaks the engagement if it's you give the back if it's because of something you or your family did give them back if it's him at fault then it's morally grey and I'd probably not. If I was married then absolutely not

What do the voting buttons mean in this case? Not sure how to vote, but yes I would return the ring. In my mind, the ring signifies the promise to marry. If the marriage doesn’t happen then there is no need to keep the ring and you give it back. It looks extremely grabby otherwise. It’s not a gift in the same way a birthday gift is given….there is meaning and actions attached to the ring.

Now if the guy cheated and that’s why the marriage didn’t happen, I would probably want to keep the ring 😅

My inclination would be to give it back, nicely if I broke off the engagement, or it was a mutual decision.

Thrown at him otherwise.

I sold mine . He had 10 years of my life,, kept the house and my treasured artwork.
i bought tiles with the money, got about 200 quid for something he spent 2k on 🤣

The whole point is that it's to be sold and support her if the engagement is unfulfilled. He should only get it back if she cheats or something like that

I think correct etiquette is for the woman (ring-recipient) to offer to give the ring back, and for the man to decline. Legally speaking I'm pretty sure it's treated as a gift so the woman is entitled to keep it but I do think in general it's polite to at least offer given the entirely one-sided expectation that a very expensive gift will be given by the man to the woman (cue 10,000 posters telling me their engagement ring cost them nothing and/or they bought their DH an equally expensive gift to mark the engagement)...

Zsa Zsa Gabor an actress who was married a lot of times and engaged even more said something along the lines of “you must always give back the ring - but keep the stones”

This is Mumsnet, where people don't have proposals or engagement rings. They just turn to their partner one day and tell them they're getting married and that's it

Before marriage the ring goes back. It's a promise to marry. You don't marry then, no matter what the cause the ring goes back

After marriage the ring is yours to keep. You got married, promise kept, no matter if you get divorced

I think it rather depends on the reason for the breakup.

If she ends things, then the right thing to do is return the ring. If he breaks it off, he doesn't get to ask for the ring back. If she wants to return it because it was his great nan's or some family heirloom, then she probably should.

Rings after divorce are an entirely different matter, and are kept by the wearer/recipient.

No it’s a gift.

If he gave it then changed his mind then it's hers to keep. He has broken the terms.

If she accepts it then changes her mind then she should return it. She has broken the terms.

If somebody cheats and the other person subsequently cancels the engagement the cheater does not get the ring.

Basically the bad guy loses the ring.

Love it 👏👏👏

Absolutely accurate.

Morally and I'd say socially the right thing is to give it back. Legally you don't have to.

If he's cheated then I'd say the woman gets to keep the ring, almost as compensation!

A gift is a gift. So I would say it's completely up to the woman. I guess if they split up before they even get married and/or it's quite a short engagement or relationship, then morally I think they should give it back.
I don't think you'd get half it's value if you sold it on and wearing it would be weird afterwards so I'm not sure why you'd want to keep it unless you were with that person for a very long time and had the ring for a very long time, were sort of attached to it and wanted it for your kids.

If the thing is worth 100K you'd be struggling to get it back off me mind you, regardless of any of the above!

Legally no. Morally yes.

Interesting! I’ve always sat on the “it’s a gift so no” side of the fence. I think it would depend on the circumstances for me maybe, and whether or not they’d asked for it back. The person I’m (hoping) to get engaged to would likely spend a lot on a ring based on discussion and I can’t imagine they would ask for it back! I think I’d be highly offended 😂

id be inclined to keep it on the other hand as a gorgeous piece of jewellery. Definitely wouldn’t automatically give it back though I can see how as it’s been given on the promise of a marriage you maybe should.

I paid (obviously) for her engagement ring and both our wedding rings. When we got divorced it never crossed my mind to ask for them back, she never offered either. Didn't bother me in the slightest to be honest.. Certainly the engagement ring was a gift so never expected that back.

Found out just after the divorce she pawned both of the rings, again her property to do what she wishes

I refused to give mine back as I paid for his sleeve tattoo and that obviously couldn't be returned. I also kept my wedding ring, he never had one as he didn't want one.

Oh absolutely! Cheating then there’s absolutely no chance they’re getting it back though I’d be tempted to buy a replica and throw it at them

Judge Judy rules say it's given in expectation of marriage and if the marriage ain't happening, you have to give it back. Not legally enforceable here but fair.

If the woman broke it off, give it back, (thrown in his face if it was due to unreasonable behaviour). If the man broke it off, sell it or throw it into the sea while weeping bitter tears.

I think I would have given it back no matter who had ended the engagement. Why would I want to keep a memory of something that didn't end well?

There is actually law on this in the U.K., because people have gone to court over it.

https://belderbossolicitors.co.uk/when-getting-divorced-who-gets-the-engagement-ring/