Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

Yes if not married. If married for decent length of time then not sure.

3 months salary on a ring is crazy in my opinion, I’d rather go on holiday or put it towards a house

Yes I technically 'paid' for half of mine, we had a joint account where both sets of wages went in and he used the joint to pay for the ring. No mention of topping up the joint with the money for my 'half'. However he was a tight twat so not surprising.

When we split I gave it back (I left him), I didn't argue the toss of the money, just wanted rid. This was 12 years ago.

I am not 100% sure but he has a fiancée now and I think my engagement ring is now hers (small place where we live, I have bumped into her a few times and clocked the ring, which looks suspiciously similar- I know there is a limited amount of styles for engagement rings so it might be a new ring in the same style as mine but I do wonder as above, he's tight and probably wouldn't want to pay for another ring...)

I'd give it back if I broke up with them.
I think in USA you have to give it back as it is part of a promise (of marriage) and the promise has been broken. I'm sure I read that somewhere!!

I kept mine but bought my ex a gift of equivalent value when we parted.

Wouldn't be surprised, but on the whole the uk is less litigious!

But the man should bear that in mind when he proposes with that ring, shouldn't he?

Legally, in the UK, once you've been given an engagement ring, it's treated as a gift to you for you to keep, even if the relationship or marriage breaks down. It is your personal jewellery.

When I was getting my ring, we thought tradition was one month's salary, have never heard of 3 months salary. 3 months salary sounds pretty huge, even for someone on a lower salary.

I'd personally stick with the one month salary, unless he's a part-timer on minimum wage (I jest).

The value, as in if it is a family heirloom ?
I'd keep my cheapo FHinds ring...it was a gift after all. Heirlooms are a bit different though aren't they?

So your solution is that now no man should ever propose with a family heirloom?

If married, no. If fiancé cheats or is the cause of the breakup, also no if you don’t want to (legally you don’t have to).

If an heirloom then yes, unless they did something really unforgivable. But even then holding onto something with sentimental value to them is incredibly vindictive, even if it feels justified, and not the best way to get over that person. Not to mention it leaves the door open for them to come asking for it, and I would personally want to cut all ties for my own healing (excepting the necessary co-parenting contact if children were involved).

If you call off the engagement for no real fault of the fiancé/ you just changed your mind then absolutely offer to give it back.

This ^

It’s always a possibility that an engagement could end. I can’t think of any justification for keeping a family heirloom.

I have a ruby ring that was my great great grandmother’s engagement ring in 1890. If my brother had given that ring to a fiancée and the engagement was broken, how would she be justified in keeping it? It’s given in anticipation of the woman marrying into and joining that family. Keeping the ring would be wrong. Why would she want to keep it?

My Brother in law (Late 20's) gave me the ring from his first engagement when I was a jewellery obsessed teenager. (Large age gap between me and my oldest sister)

Horrible thing it was too, I promptly sold it and got about £100 quid for it. Pretty much thought i had won the lottery 😆.

I must confess that to him at some point!

Apparently in the 1940s it was acceptable to keep the ring. I was told that it was a standing joke in the family that my Welsh aunt got engaged to so many American GIs she could have joined them up and made a necklace...🤣

I agree with Judge Judy - the ring should be returned.

it depends. If not married then yes, it should be returned. If it’s a family ring then it should be returned regardless. If it was bought specifically for you and you have been married for a period of time then it would depend. If it was due to the husband’s affair then I would probably keep it and sell it. If I had initiated the split I would likely return it.

Traditionally (as in the old days), you would give the ring back. People tended to do the right thing back then.

Times have however changed, and I wouldn’t, if I could get away with it 😄

In the UK you don’t have to legally

Hypothetically it depends on the circumstances. When I broke up with my fiancé because we were not compatible, I gave the ring back. If he had cheated on me? Not a chance!

I think it depends. I was engaged when I was very young; the ring wasn't expensive, I didn't think about it in the moment of leaving and didn't want to go back with it as he was abusive and I was glad to get away. It sat in a jewellery box for a few years then I sold it to one of those shops that buys gold. I don't think there is only one right answer to this question.

This seems to be the answer that I’m most drawn to.

If not married I think the right thing is to give back, an enagement ring symbolise a promise or intent to marry, but once married I think is different as you have completed that promise.

Have you seen what gold is worth right now??

I know someone who was engaged and used to show off the very expensive ring, it was beautiful.

They broke up and a couple of years later she got engaged to someone else. Someone pointed out that it was the same ring as her prior engagement. She denied it but it clearly was. I did wonder what her new finance thought or was he just grateful he didn’t have to pay for a ring!?