Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

Yes, he was fine with it. It wasn’t a particularly special ring. My current engagement ring is an heirloom and I’ve been told if anything happens, it stays in the family!

Yes sometimes this is so
Depends sometimes on which one of them earns more 🫂
I know it seems unromantic, but it does sometimes happen 💚

I have been engaged 4 times and never given a ring back
First time I paid as he had no money
Second time he paid - when we split I didn’t offer it back as he had become quite abusive - to the point I had to get a restraining order
Third time we did actually get married - he paid for the ring and we had 2 DC - as he cheated on me I didn’t offer the ring back
Fourth time - I part exchanged some other jewellery and he paid the rest - when we split he told me to keep it (we are still friends and I still wear it)

Keeping it worst.

To give it back? What a radical suggestion! Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

Keep it unless it is an heirloom

I think it depends on who broke it off as well. If the receiver is ending the relationship they should give it back unless they're ending it due to the givers unacceptable behaviour. If the giver is ending the relationship then the receiver keeps it.

I kept my wedding and engagement ring as my ex ended the relationship due to his behaviour. I don't want them as a reminder and I wouldn't pass them down to my child because it wasn't a lasting marriage and that feels weird so I intend to sell them when I'm divorced and use the money for something else.

Years ago this was expected. Same as returning engagement presents if the engagement was broken off. But it didnt always happen. And some long engagements these days the presents would be almost antiques.

Give the ring back. It represents a union and an emotional and financial commitment. Once that is abandoned, to keep the ring is theft and immoral.

This!

3 months salary on the ring?! 🤯

You ideally should have 3 months salary in an account for emergencies!

Wasn't the ring like some kind of dowry, so if the man changes his mind it would be a breach of promise so she can keep the ring. While if she changes her mind then she should give it back.

This

Depends on what happened! If the man cheated and/or behaved badly I'd sell the ring. If he adored me and was lovely but I just didn't love him any more I'd give it back. If we had just turned into room mates and fell out of love I'd talk to him about it to try and keep things civil.

If it had been bought for me and if he had instigated the breakup I’d keep it. If it was a family heirloom or his mother’s etc then of course I’d give it back.

If the buyer of the ring breaks it off, the wearer should keep it.

If the wearer breaks it off they should return it.

It should be returned in any case if it is a family piece and this is clear at engagement.

After an engagement yes, a divorce no

Anyone who buys mined diamonds is an idiot. Lab diamonds are exactly the same without the price tag. You can get beautiful diamond rings under £2k, so unless you're rolling in it, that's more than enough.

Why would you want to keep a reminder of a failed relationship, give it back.

If the man calls it off then she keeps the ring. If the woman calls it off then she returns it unless she's been cheated on or badly mistreated.

I would always give it back.

Why would you want to keep anything from your ex, especially something as special as a ring.

The cost wouldn’t make a difference IMO.

I wouldn’t even keep it to sell it as is in my mind that’s like having to ask your ex for money.

I’d give it back in a heartbeat and cut all ties.

This is exactly my view.

You’re not together anymore so why keep it.

Hmmm - my initial thought was give it back. But in my case, my engagement ring was also my birthday present - so if our engagement had been called off, would I have been entitled to keep it?

I definitely think if the receiver ends the relationship they give it back, and family heirlooms are given back. If the giver ends things I feel it’s less clear cut. You might not want the reminder, but if the giver hurt you badly, or you were out of pocket because you’d paid for various elements of the wedding that were non refundable, I think it’s ok to sell the ring to recoup some of those costs. If it’s a mutual decision to end the relationship and you want to keep the ring for sentimental reasons, I think you should buy the ring off the giver - they may or may not want the money but you should at least offer. Unless you’ve lost more in sunk costs to the wedding that is.

It’s definitely not a clear cut answer and very much depends on individual circumstances.

When I got divorced, my lawyer told me that my ex could legally (Scottish law) take every single piece of jewellery that he had paid for, including engagement and wedding rings, birthday and christmas presents. He didn't, but could have.

Many couples live together and share finances without being married. If they then get engaged then even if he chooses the ring and uses his card to pay, it may well be effectively a joint expense in the end.

I have to add, she was a rubbish lawyer.