Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

What if that woman needs to sell the ring in order to help fund her escape from an abusive or otherwise shitty man? I also wouldn't see it as scruffy if a woman sells her ring in order to fund a holiday or a nice treat to help heal after a man has been awful to her or messed her around. Good on her.

Yep! My aunty was married previously and paid for her own engagement ring (I think a friend bought it off her after the divorce as it was just a nice ring, not obviously an engagement one) and another friend the ring was bought out of their joint account so I guess they each own half?!

I think if it's a heirloom it should be handed back, but otherwise i think the woman should keep it. It is a 'gift' to her after all. Me and my partner discussed this and his view is "it's yours now".

I was engaged, first time, at 19 years old. (back in the 1980's)
When he dumped me, 3 years later, it didn't even occur to me to give the ring back. It was quite cheap anyway as we were so young (and he was a mahoosive cheapskate!),

I gave it to my oldest daughter who now wears it on her right hand because, despite being cheap, it is very pretty and dainty. I have zero emotional or sentimental attachment to it and it is lovely to see it being worn and not left in a jewellery box somewhere.

I ended an engagement and gave the ring back. My sister's partner ended their engagement and she got to keep it so yes I'd say this goes. My ring was much more expensive though.

If a family heirloom it should be given back regardless. Otherwise only if the purchaser of the ring is the one instigating the breakup or caused the break up by being unfaithful. If the recipient of the ring is instigating break up or caused break up by bad behaviour, then of cause the ring should be given back.

I think asking for a gift back is morally weird. But if I broke off the engagement I’d probably give it back, if they broke it off I’d wait to be asked for it to be returned. Even if it was beautiful I probably wouldn’t want it as I wouldn’t want to be reminded of the breakup

In the U.S., it's governed by state law, with most states seeing the ring as a conditional gift, given "in contemplation of marriage" that should be returned if the marriage doesn't happen.

https://www.sgrlaw.com/articles/the-engagement-ring-of-litigation/

Why would anyone want to keep an engagement ring if it all ended and never got married? I would rather just move on.

Engagement gifts are tokens for the purpose of the engagement. Of course you given them back if the engagement is broken off. That's just class and etiquette.
The man should be given a token on engagement, e.g. a watch or a pair of cufflinks, and equally they should be returned.

I'm confused. You seem to be hoping for a ring for an engagement that gets cancelled?

Selling it is a really low thing to do, you’re profiting off the ex-fiancé. I think if kids are involved keep it and pass it down. If no kids I would offer it back.

Because it's mine?

I kept all my engagement rings, eventually selling them all. I'm keeping my wedding and other rings from my husband for the kids and if they don't want them I'll sell them. Currently they don't want them.

Engaged - yes
Married - no

Give the ring back only exception if they ring giver was cheating etc

In the traditional situation of a man buying the ring specifically as an engagement ring, then imo yes it should be given back to him if the engagement is broken off. It was given in expectation of marriage, and as an outward sign of that, and that is no longer going to happen.

Depends on who did the breaking-up.

A ring is a symbol of a promise. If you break that promise, you give up any claim to the ring. If the person who gave the ring instigates the break-up, the ring stays with the other person. If the person who receives the ring instigates the break-up, the ring should be given back to the other person.

It's not rocket science.

Legally no, it's a gift and cannot be claimed back.

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage. If the marriage does not happen the ring is returned regardless of value (assuming of course that the giver paid for it and it wasn't bought jointly). If the marriage has taken place and the couple split the rings stay with their new owners.

I’d give it back, if I didn’t want the man I certainly wouldn’t want a ring he gave me 🤣

If you are engaged, yes ring should be returned especially if you break it off and/or it’s a family heirloom unless you already have dc with them /long relationship. If you are divorcing it’s a bit different and the value should be in the assets pot

No. Not once you’ve been married.

Sell it and go on holiday.

If he demands the ring back, you've had a lucky escape.

Agreed, with the proviso that family heirlooms are different and I think post wedding the woman gets to keep the ring no matter what.

Why would he want to keep it tho? To give to the woman he's cheating on you with?