Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

Legally its a gift so no.
Morally if the woman was the one to instigate the split then yes.
Or if it was a family heirloom of BF then yes give it back.
Otherwise her discretion.
If they have DC together then i think it should be eventually passed onto DC.
So not clear cut really, I suspect some womens knee jerk reaction would be to throw it in the river/sea/ down the toilet!

Kept my first one and sold it, but I was 17 and he was in his 30s. Put the money towards my first car, Fifi the Fiat and never looked back.

In most circumstances I would say probably give it back, but I don’t know. I see both sides really and I think it’s probably quiet situational.

I think that morally, if you've been given a gift as a symbol of a future event taking place between you and the giver and that event is cancelled, you should return the symbol.

It's a gift, so it shouldn't be given back.

I kept my engagement ring when I split with my ex - a few months later I threw it in the sea. It was very cathartic!

Etiquette is if she breaks it off, she returns the ring, as while it's a 'gift' it's a conditional gift on the agreement to marry him.
If he breaks it off, she keeps it as compensation for the breached promise.

Yes bought mine with a massive bonus! We had joint finances by then so yes, I effectively ought half but as it was my bonus I decided the price!

The thought behind giving it back is so they can sell/return it and re-coup their money, or as much as they can.
It's obviously different in the UK.

A couple of years ago somebody posted her engagement ring on a local Facebook bartering page. Lots of advice to sell it and spend the money on something for herself but she genuinely didn't want to give it that much value. I forget what the barter was but she came across as brave, witty and determined.

You go engaged and followed through ergo your rings. Breaks off before marriage - give them back!

Depends on why the marriage isn’t going ahead. So I guess whose fault

a cheating lying fiancé who got the other person into debt or cheated I wouldn’t have much sympathy over the other person keeping the ring and selling it to clear a credit card! 🤣

Mine was bought from joint account, as were our wedding rings.

First reply nails it.

We were already living together with a mortgage and 2 children, our money came/and still does come out of a shared 'pot', we went and chose it together, so I guess we paid 50/50.

I think it greatly depends on the circumstances of the break-up. Who dumped who and why, basically.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and she dumps him a month later because she's decided she doesn't fancy him any more = she should give the ring back.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and she dumps him a month later because he hit her = she should keep the ring.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and he dumps her because he changes his mind and isn't ready to commit = she should keep the ring.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and he dumps her because he discovers she's been fucking his brother = she should give the ring back.

And so on.

I split up with a fiancé. I gave him the ring back. It just seemed like right thing to do, considering that I’d broken his heart. A few years later I saw on Insta that he had given it to his new wife 😂 which is delightfully thrifty, good luck to him. I do wonder if she knows though!

Judge Judy always gives the engagement ring back to whoever bought it regardless of who broke it off. It's given in contemplation of marriage. No marriage, it goes back.

Obviously, that's in the US, but I happen to agree with it. Morally, it's the only right thing to do even if legally, in the UK, it's not.

Even if the ring-giver was a cheat, or committed a crime, or was abusive?

I think this is the law in the UK. Possibly unwritten though

DH and I had completely joint finances prior to getting married. There’s absolutely no way to say who paid for my wedding ring or engagement necklace, they came from joint funds, but he definitely sees the as mine (and always has) and would be totally perplexed if I tried to give them ‘back’ if we divorced. They’re probably worth less than a grand combined though (cost slightly more than this).

the law in the UK. https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33/section/3

If the ring was a family heirloom then I think regardless of what happened, morally I would give it back. Even if I wasn’t in the “wrong” I’d still feel guilty keeping onto my ex’s great nans ring if you see what I mean.

If it was newly bought (not passed down):

If I was married and we divorced I’d keep the ring. If I was just engaged I’d keep the ring if the reason for ending it was because of my partner. If for example I just decided I didn’t want to marry him anymore then I would probably give it back, yes.

No I'd keep it I think. Or sell it.

If the person who gave it to me was actually really really nice, and I dumped them but they genuinely did absolutely nothing wrong, and they had hardly any money, then I guess I might give it back. If it was worth enough for them to use the money for something useful.

If the person was so horrifically abusive that just the sight of it gave PTSD symptoms then I'd probably throw it in the canal.

Depends on what led to the decision not to marry. Broadly speaking, if you decide not to marry fiancé because you have gone off him, then you return the ring.

If he dumps you for your best friend, you keep the ring.

Obviously there are more nuanced outcomes but I think that’s the basic morality of it.

If they are only engaged personally I think it would be morally right to give it back, even more so if it was his gran's ring or something. I imagine if he cheated you are keeping it and getting some money for it.

Any cheating from him, keep it.
Friendly break up, give it back