Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

[ChicJoker]

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

My ex SIL cheated on my brother and kept all the jewels he gave her (loads, worth over £100k)

More fool him

Buy a cheap ring and then it doesn’t matter

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage. If no marriage occurs then the ring should be returned to the giver/purchaser. That is the legal stance where I live (not in the UK).
I think its also morally correct, if you don't marry, why would you want to keep it?

Traditionally, you're supposed to return the ring. The ring is given as a symbol of the engagement. It's not just a gift.

I think if I was ending an engagement I would give it back. If he was I'd probably sell it. I think once you've been married though the ring isn't a promise of something to come so you'd keep it. However I can see myself throwing it in a fit of temper if he'd done something awful. So not clear cut for me!

I was engaged before I met DH. I broke it off. I offered to give the ring back and he didn't want it.

Splitting up during engagement is nothing like getting divorced. For the latter the rings are yours to keep. For a broken engagement I would offer to return a ring if we didn’t get married, not that you get anything like the resale value as the mark-up for new is so high.

I would keep it and get it resized and wear on a different finger if it’s nice, or just sell it.

I wouldn’t give it back.

UK law is that you don't have to give it back as it is regarded as an "absolute gift" legally

You can give it back if you want

Legally engagement rings are the property of the recipient.

Traditionally engagement rings weren’t a ‘promise of something to come’ they were a down payment so that if he changed his mind she was compensated.

Not in the UK since the 1960s - only if conditions were stated when it was given but you'd need to prove that return was part of the contract when the gift was given

The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 states:
“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”

The etiquette is - if woman breaks off engagement - she gives back the ring.

If it’s before marriage then it’s given back. If it’s after marriage then it’s not given back.

Yes. Or possibly thrown into a gutter during a public argument, so if he wants it back, he's going to have to grovel for it...

The legal stance in the UK is that it is a gift and doesn't have to be given back. I think in the US it is different. I only mention the US as I read about a case where a woman was forced by the court to give the ring back as it is classed more like a pre-contractual agreement over there.

The moral stance is another matter however.

I’m surprised at the comments saying the ring should be given back, if you’re not getting married why would you want to keep it. Surely the person who gave the ring also isn’t getting married, so why do they need it back?!

Anyway, I’m in England and the law is that it’s a gift unless it was expressed otherwise at the time of the engagement, for example it’s a family heirloom. So no, the ring shouldn’t be given back.

This is my feeling as well.

You are right. in a legal case in the 60s or 70s the courts decided that the engagement ring was to be considered as an unconditional gift and therefore the woman's property.

I think if engaged then yes. If married then probably not. Although i did throw mine at my ExH and it got lost. In reality second hand rings, unless you bought them for multiples of thousands, aren't worth anything.

I gave mine back. They were meaningless to me and I wouldn’t have wanted to pass on something with a bad association to my kids anyway. He probably flogged it to buy the next engagement and wedding ring lol

Not sure how the vote works, but I think you should give the ring back if you brea up before the wedding. It’s a conditional gift signifying a promise to marry. If you don’t marry, you return the ring.

You get to keep them on divorced though, as you DID marry them.

100% yes I would give it back.

Purely hypothetical, but depends who ended the engagement:
If the person who proposed, then the recipient keeps the ring.
If the recipient, then they should give it back when they end things

I think if it was an amicable split or if the person with the ring ended it, they should give it back.

If the giver of the ring cheated or ended the relationship, the receiver should keep it imo.

Not sure what the YABU and YANBU options mean in this scenario...

I would give it back though.