To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

No, i'm old enough to remember people saying exactly the same thing decades ago, because children were watching so many tv shows from the USA.
we should be worried about parents leaving children to deal with stuff alone, as I said above.

Your children are allowed to get bored and entertain themselves. No doubt it will get messy. But personally I prefer them to build a den out of every cushion I. The house than stare at a screen. I Also parent solo 75% of time and have three young boys. They don’t have any access to an iPad. They get about an hour of cartoons most days but not all.
They don’t and won’t have phones.
4.30am isn’t a time I’d let any child start the day. Back to bed and back to sleep again and again until it works. Sticking them on an iPad at 4.30am is t going to create good sleeping habits.

No wonder so many children are struggling.

And back in the 80s there were similar things said about watching TV.

"You'll get square eyes."
People putting a TV on for the DC to watch while they worked was "lazy parenting"
"TV stifles imagination and stops children socialising/playing"
Putting a TV in the bedroom of a child was definitely looked down on
"They let their child watch things after the watershed..."
"TV causes violence, antisocial behaviour etc"

Heck back in the 30s the cinema was blamed too.

As with all of these, they can be used for good, be a helpful tool or used as an excuse at the other end of the scale for neglectful parenting.

With respect literally every study goes against what you have just said.

Screens and helicopter parenting is producing children with worse MH, not better.

ArseIntheCoOpwindow Same here! DS obsessed with Teletubbies from about 2.Then liked gaming around 6 or 7 (Would read to him as well) and did his A levels interspersed with bouts of Call Of Duty! Even had a TV for gaming in his Student house, bought with his friend.Now has a MSC from a RG Uni and has a good job in Industry and has travelled widely .Still in his late 20s .

But 'concerns about screen time' is very vague. Some types of screentime are concerning and others aren't. It completely depends on what is being watched, how much, and the age of the child, and whether the screens are being used in a way that creates addiction or teaches the child that certain types of behaviour are rewarded by unlimited screen time.

I don't think many people would be concerned about a toddler watching an episode of CBeebies so you can cook their tea. And a 6 year old having a bit of time on Minecraft likewise.

But if that 6 year old is playing Minecraft every morning before school and then again for hours after school and gets angry when it is turned off, then a lot of people would be concerned. And if the toddler is handed a phone to keep them quiet whenever they make a fuss, and it becomes a habit so that they are using the phone as a kind of pacifier, that is very concerning.

I'm not saying that your kids are in the latter category, OP, but when people get 'hysterical' about screen time, what they're often reacting to is the fact that children spend hours on a screen or that some parents give them a screen as a way of opting out of interacting with them or dealing with challenging behaviour.

With respect literally every study goes against what you have just said.
Screens and helicopter parenting is producing children with worse MH, not better.
My God, does anyone ever read anything here?
You chose to ignore this
we should be worried about parents leaving children to deal with stuff alone, as I said above.
That's exactly what I'm saying, over several posts. The absolute last of our worries is what accent children speak with.
And there is an enormous difference between tv and phones or ipads. You know ow what they are watching on tv.¹

I care. I care about neglected children. I care about children who are being spoken to far more by YouTubers, than their own parents. So much so that they adopt the accent of the ‘people’ that they spend the most time with. I think we should all care about that. The accent is just a symptom of a much greater problem.

So concentrate on the problem

Yep. My kids have “too much” screen time by the “agreed” standards. Yet my eldest is top set for everything, plays football 4 times a week and does other activities. My youngest is greater depth across the board and does multiple activities.
The issue, like most things, is the extreme side of things is seen as the norm for everyone. Tje majority of kids aren’t on screens 16 hours a day but that’s what people perceive.

Are the people saying that screen time doesn't affect society and their adult kids are lovely and perfect after it:

A) reading the news?!?! It's a shit show out there.
B) have a completely unbiased and full view of how their adult kids perform at work, whether they bickering with their spouses about incomplete jobs and lazy parenting?

I'm not saying that screens cause all ill in the world, but it's baffling that people think these are valid arguments, as if how they parented forty years ago is relevant to modern technology, and as if they know intimately how screens affected their children and wider society.

Yes and it wasn't/isn't great to put a TV in a kid's bedrrom which they could watch at all hours. Or to watch TV all day long. So that argument proves nothing.

But as has been pointed out again and again and again on here there is a vast difference between watching TV and watching YouTube/TikTok, which is what children are doing on iPads

Did your son spend time addicted to an iPad or his mum’s phone as a toddler? Use social media from an early age? Course he didn’t as these were not widespread in his childhood. Mine are uni/graduate age now and even they did not have access to this tech which is now endemic.

I am finding these kinds of posts so disingenuous and irritating. Yes, your kids are doing amazingly well despite playing Call of Duty during A Levels. But they simply did not have the same tech exposure as today’s toddlers.

Yes I work with pre schoolers and at least half think we use dollars when we play shop. Also I've noted calling 911 for the emergency services and the belief that there might be raccoons in the basement or attic. It is not a trivial concern that they are adopting an accent from a different country, this can lead to social norms from a different culture too.

There is a lot of research that backs up the harm of too much screen time - its not just the content and impact on focus and concentration but also what kids dont do when they have excessive screen time such as interact on a human level, get fresh air and exercise and have the opportunity to solve boredom through creativity.

The research is an umconfortable truth - screens are convenient and reducing them takes effort and can cause arguments but for me personally i take it seriously and my kids had a lot less screen time than their friends, and they are all happy and well adjusted adults.

Ofc there will always be people who say their kids were glued to screens and are well adjusted adults in the same way there are people who say their nan smoked 20 a day and lived to 100, but for me the research and evidence carries more sway than people on an internet forum.

Each to their own though, learn as much as you can and make an informed decision like any other aspect of parenting.

A big problem is the screen addicted parents unwilling to change their behaviour which their DC then mirror. If you’re not interacting with your children and your living area is a sea of screens with TV on and everyone on their own devices it’s probably time to think hang on a minute we may have a problem here. We shall see what the development of young children truly looks like with screen addiction in the next 5-10 years.

This may be true but TV has played it's part in changing evolution for humans
One tiny example anorexia didn't occur in Hawaii until US TV was pumped in.
TV has had a similar effect on humans as screens have. Kids in the 90s and 00s got attitude from watching EastEnders.
And why the studies are just on kids I do not know as adults are the ones on screens constantly every where you look they are walking looking at them stood staring at them holding a spade, I've seen men on roofs staring at screens. They are ruination but so was TV and Music Hall once upon a time.

As someone else said, this whataboutery is so repulsively disingenuous. If TV caused damage in Hawaii, then why can't tiny handsets spouting algorithmic nonsense designed to be addictive non-stop cause 1mx more damage? If adults are hooked on screens, surely we want to do better for our children? It's like saying well, adults all drink alcohol so why shouldn't kids? Do better/

Music Hall!!!

Oh now we're really plumbing the depths

Er, yes that's exactly what I said. If the parents don't value education and are uninterested in their child doing better, then how much time that child spends on screens will make little difference to their educational outcome.

Sorry but I don’t think it’s overstated or hysterical. In fact, if anything, it’s understated and not taken seriously enough.

DD has some screentime but we strictly limit it, and what she actually watches. The only time we use screens out of the house is on a flight, alongside colouring and books; we don’t use them in restaurants or any other setting and when we’re on holiday, they go in the case until we fly back.

In restaurants she needs to understand and learn to socialise and engage, if she’s so bored she has to watch a screen, then we shouldn’t be in there restaurant.

Others will take a different approach and that’s up to them. I also appreciate some kids have particular needs. But that’s what we do and we’ve never had an issue.

I just don't judge others on it as it's not my place. I haven't walked a mile in anyone else's shoes so if they need to give a child a screen for an hour so they can cook dinner, then be my guest. Sadly it's the world we are living in now, no point trying to hide it.

I'll say one thing though, someone who leaves school with a good knowledge of the mechanics of tech nowadays are going to do well in the world we have all created.

I really think there is a middle ground to be found between the extremes you have painted here.

It is infinitely possible to make a quick UPF free dinner in under 40
mins with no screens. I can say this confidently because I have done it.

Defaulting to screens is sometimes an choice, made because it is easier not because it is not harmful.

People coped previously because both parents didnt have to work 50 hours a week to live a normal existence