To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

I think there are a few different issues around screens which overlap obviously.

kids who previously would have been a bit emotionally neglected, and I don’t mean this in an extreme way. But parents who are overwhelmed or struggling previously their kids played out or entertained themselves and now they spend endless hours on a screen. This impacts lots of things but the most obvious to me, is their movement skills. I have definitely seen kids movement ability decline over the last 15 years. It’s a real worry for their future health. there are kids who don’t know how to play, it’s heartbreaking.

then there are normal kids who have restricted screen time but it’s still all designed to be addictive.

Then there is lots of issues around safety .

So no I don’t think it is hysterical. We should all consider the screen use in our house.

I find the screen debate tricky. Personally I think screens are not ideal, especially phones and tablets which can be consumed individually and mindlessly. Watching TV with an engaged parent who is discussing the content with you and engaging with the story is different (even if it’s Paw Patrol!).

We made the choice to have no screen before 2 at all and at 5, my child can watch 20 minutes of TV a day at weekends. She has never held a phone or a tablet, so it is possible. But we only have one child and we are two parents (though we both work full time senior jobs with no family support either) so we can divide and conquer more easily. I can certainly imagine that a single parent will find it more difficult. But I think the research coming out does show that this the right approach.

I also think the comparison with children who grew up with TV and video games but not phones and social media is not quite right. There is something different about the content of phones and tablets, let alone social media in the wiring of children’s brains IMO.

DS1 is a gamer, but has never really done social media, isn't interested in it and thinks it's stupid. DS2 is more into it and it's his screen time I worry about more and have had to limit because of that. So I do think it depends what the screen time is for.

I used to work in CAMHS and it really was disturbing the number of children we saw who had no capacity to self regulate without a screen, didn't know how to play with toys, no imaginative play, no interest in interacting with other children, boredom would provoke not just the usual crankiness but real distress and tantrums/meltdowns. Parents would come wanting an autism diagnosis or ADHD, and of course a proportion of these children did have SEN. But in most cases, we were able to change behaviour by gradually weaning them off handheld devices such as tablets and phones and radically limiting other screen time, supporting families to learn to play with their children and find other strategies to regulate. And where children were interested in things like Minecraft, getting involved in it with them and integrating their interest into other activities. There are Minecraft board games, Lego, colouring books, craft kits etc, things that can be done as a family. One of our amazing play therapists even produced a Minecraft activity book with things like recipes in. The biggest and hardest behaviour change though was the adults. They needed to get off their phones in order to support the kids to do it, and set an example. A screen addicted child isn't going to change their behaviour if the parents stay on their phones all the time instead of interacting with them. And children want connection with their parents. It's not bloody normal for a child to only want to stare at a screen, that's not innate in any child, even where there are neurodevelopmental differences. It's 100% learned behaviour.

Screen time does not have any benefit for preschool children. Parents who think this are kidding themselves. If you need to use a tablet to get an hour's peace for some housework, cooking, on a car journey or whatever, then we all have to do what we have to do to get by. But don't kid yourself it's in any way good for them. It isn't.

All this talk of banning social media for under 16s is like making it a forbidden fruit, it would be better to put pressure on the companies to introduce age appropriate graduated social media with better security to make it safer. Make it compulsory for parents to have to give permission to add friends & for them to be able to see their children's activity remotely with alerts if anyone who hasn't been passed by the parents tries to contact or interact with the child. Both parents & children need educating about the dangers of social media, maybe make it compulsory for them to undertake an online training course when signing up & further courses as they graduate from one stage to the next, if they don't want to take the course they can't sign up.or graduate.

@Remainsamystery344

I take your point about not being forced to rub along with different groups of people, and this being reinforced by algorithms, but doesn’t the work place also provide that opportunity?

It should do, yes, but increasing numbers of people work from home and also there seems to be a real reluctance among lots of people to engage socially with people at work.

I've seen posts on here where people take great umbrage at the idea of socialising with colleagues as if it is some sort of invasion of their privacy. I remember a post a few months back someone posted about being invited to lunch by their boss and people were scandalised about how "intrusive" this was. I understand people's reluctance to engage in fake fun and OTT team building and the desire to prioritise time at home with their families, but the idea that there should be a hard red line between work and home is a new thing and I think its part and parcel of the same phenomenon. There's a retreat from socialising across the board and a sense that life outside the home and family is scary or dangerous.

Which is partly why I think having more women in the workplace, despite the problems this creates, is overall a good thing. People closing down their social worlds, minimising contact with people outside their own families is thoroughly unhealthy in my view. Social media isn't the only factor here but I think it amplifies this sense of "me and my tribe" and the wider social polarisation which is going on.

How are they watching TV without a screen?

This screams snobbery.

I'm the first university graduate of my family. Several of my uni friends were from "uneducated" as you put it, WC families. Two of them were from single mother families where the mum would clean around school hours (shocking, I know).

They both did as well as me at university, and I did better than several MC children from graduate families.

Screens, no screens, graduate parents or not. The drive of the child and if their parents to give them better than they had is what matters.

No but a balance is better than loads of none at all. It is obvious that too much screen time is harmful to kids and the effects can be seen every day not just in research. I wonder whether parents account for screen time at play centres , in friends homes or at school etc...

This is interesting reading
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jan/22/how-screen-time-affects-toddlers-were-losing-a-big-part-of-being-human

Tv isnt as addictive
If you’re going to put your preschooler in front of a screen, choose a TV. Here’s why | Sophie Brickman | The Guardian https://share.google/KxQRjcU44MYxVh8qo

Thanks, I don't need this, my pre-schooler does just fine with screens as she much prefers to draw or play with her toys, so even if she plays a tablet game it's usually just 20 mins educational stuff and then she'll independently go do something else.

My point here was that you can't say "they don't have screens" then lost the first non screen activity they do as TV.

I have 2 DC. Eldest is autistic. We did no screens before 2 years for each of them and then only an hour of CBeebies (30 min before lunch and 30 min before dinner) until they were 7 years old.

In an ideal world, kids would have limited, if any, access to screens. Of course, in an ideal world siblings would play together happily without a single argument, one full-time or two part-time wages would be enough for families to live on, people could take time out of their career to be at home with young children then re-enter the workforce and continue their career trajectory easily, and the housework would magically do itself. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world and whilst there are some who use screens as babysitters because they can't be bothered parenting, I think for a lot of people they're a useful tool to get through the day. As long as children are getting a decent amount of time engaging in other activities, especially physical activities, and their screen use is monitored to make sure it's appropriate and safe, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

We don’t have any proper longterm data on screen use and little kids. Maybe it’s fine, maybe it’s not. But why take the risk?

Phone use has affected my focus when reading books. I am more distracted etc. and I am in my fifties. I would be nervous of the effect on developing brains. Even my uni kids say it affects their focus.

Babies, toddlers and young kids should not be on these devices until more studies are done. The people bragging about their genius kids who were doing online gaming in the eighties are clueless. This is a whole different world of addiction and stimulation. And that’s without the problems of social media. Why not be cautious with your young kids?

Your case is different obviously. I’m a secondary teacher and students have shown me their average screen time per day just on their phones is 11+ hours. They can only pay attention to short-form media now because they have got so used to TikTok. It’s not just the screen time, it’s what they are watching and the solo nature of it.

This is where I stand. TV is the only permitted screen in our house and I monitor what they watch (prefer things with real people/animals but also permit Wallace and Gromit, Twirlywoos and a few other things).

An average non-school day would be half an hour of TV after breakfast while I shower and get ready, half an hour after lunch while DH and me read or have a cup of tea and a chat, and half an hour before dinner. 1.5 hours sounds a lot, but my kids are awake for 13 hours a day - we spend 11.5 hours a day playing, reading, being outside, visiting people, walking our dog, running errands.

The TV is always off for good by 5.30 so they have some time to mentally wind down before bed and it doesn’t affect sleep. We don’t allow it before school or nursery.

So while I’m not a screen free saint, and it’s definitely on more of they’re unwell, I think it’s about setting a general framework and not using it as a default. It’s easy to let the hours creep up.

It can be a case of how they’re using the screens too. Playing games is fine and actually proven to be good for problem solving, mental health and even hand/eye coordination. I think Oxford did a study a few years ago on it, it really isn’t the end of the world if your children like video games. YouTube kids is also generally fine- some educational content on there. I’d veer away from regular YouTube for under 12s though, lots of harmful and actually just rubbish content on there.

Social media is the worst. It’s pretty much unfiltered and you can’t control what they see. I believe that is what affects people’s mental health above actually being on the screen.

And look, don’t beat yourself up. You have a lot on your plate and life’s too short.

Adults

Excuses, excuses, excuses.
You are neglecting you children and that is the end of it. Either ask for help or take responsibility and change your behaviour.

I would also say we have a load of unsociable kids who are obsessed with themselves.

I think this is true and a certain amount of computer game time is probably OK and like you said, there are some benefits.
BUT, computer games are incredibly addictive, far worse than TV in that sense. In some households children spend their whole time wanting to play computer games, and even if given sensible limits they still think about that time slot all day. I know families where the children no longer really want to do days out and would rather play on their games, and spend the whole time thinking about when they can get home and play. It also stops them playing imaginative games, and games that keep them active physically.
This can be a particular issue for ADHD kids who thrive off the dopamine hit it gives and struggle to switch them off. It can cause all sorts of meltdowns. A different type of child might be better at managing it.
That's why so far we haven't got a console. I do let them play Minecraft once a week on a tablet, but so far have steered away from other games as I know my eldest in particular would be instantly hooked.

The bottom line is that you have no idea what they are watching. And, whatever it is, whether violence or porn, or just something they are too young to process alone, you are leaving them to manage it by themselves.

And talking in American accents.

And talking in American accents.
That's the absolute least of our worries. I mean, who cares?

You really cant see the connection with how little time they hear verbalisation from those around them and verbally interact with those around them, and the huge amount of disproportionate time they spend on the internet meaning they are essentially being socialised virtually

Its a symptom of how little engagement they have with the real world around them.