To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

It can be both detrimental and and a benefit. I do think parents should limit screen time. I also think it’s about what they are allowed to watch/play.

I agree with OP. We are an ADHD household, 2 kids diagnosed and 2 adults suspected, awaiting diagnosis. If my children didn't use their tablets nothing would ever get done, even with screen time they are both like tornadoes leaving destruction in their wake, they are 10 times worse without them. Before they had tablets their attention spans were none existent and they wouldn't do anything for more than 5 minutes, since they have started having screen time their attention has actually gotten better wether they are medicated or not. They can both actually sit and play a board game now, which they couldn't before. They are not allowed to chat on games and the only social media my son has is youtube and my daughter (who is older) has youtube and WhatsApp, both have parental controls, both are monitored not always as they are watching but I do check what they have been watching, plus they talk to me about things anyway. They occasionally play Roblox together and I even join them every now and again. I feel I should add that both if them are doing very well at school and every specialist that has seen them has said they are highly intelligent. None of the research done has been done with any of the everyday nuances. It is all done on the amount of time and not what they are on.

When my kids were small I had no help at all , husband out at work and often back later once kids were in bed or about to head to bed .
Also no relatives or friends to help out ( local friends would help in an emergency )
No screens available back then but I did put children’s tv on and I did put Disney videos on so I think that’s fine .
yes they “ helped “ 🤣🤪 in kitchen it was messy or my pots were all out on the floor .
It meant I could do a few things and also have quiet rest time with them .
I did read a lot to them as well though and do activities and outings .
One of the children is autistic with learning disabilities too

Of course your eldest is obsessed by Minecraft, you gave him it! How on earth do you think we managed without screens? You include them in helping make dinner, talking to them, interacting. That's how they learn about food and how to prepare it. Also more likely to eat it if they help make it. Yes, it takes longer, but they are learning, and you are spending time with them and interacting with them. Encourage them to read for fun, imaginative play etc. You have to leave them to become bored, or entertain themselves, it encourages imaginative play, not just stick a screen in front of them.

I am a teacher. We are seeing a huge upturn in challenging behaviour and I think this graphic explains exactly why:

This. We know screens are not good for kids. I also appreciate that they are a handy babysitter. Just because they are convenient does not mean we should rely on them!

This is an excellent visual explanation!

I had a fuck ton of kids that I brought up alone without screen time.

It’s a VERY serious problem that’s ruining a whole generation of people.

People like you, OP, give me the rage.

It's definitely a moral panic... it reminds me of the panic over violence on TV, video games etc.

Of course, there will be some examples of damage but it's much complex than that and is often linked to neglect. People always forget that research in this area is correlational so not that straightforward.

I know you are finding it difficult. I am a single parent, have been fir most of the time. But I do not agree with lots of screen time. My kids have a lot of disabilities, so do I. But regardless of very little sleep etc for decades my youngest is 26, but developmentally 3 months & is in wheelchair 24/7. I do not agree with hours a day of screen time. There must be interaction with you not screens. Reading them stories. Making up stories together. Old fashioned games, coloring etc. Going out for walks in the park. If you have a dog even better. Or maybe take a friends dog for a walk. You will feel better for being outside too. Yes let the kids cook with you. And help you a bit with safety in mind house hold chores. Bringing down their own washing, putting it away when done. Maybe helping to unload the dishwasher? But not the cutlery perhaps for the young ones. Get them involved. Although your husband works Kate, that is not an excuse for him not to help at least a little bit. Things won't get better over night, but seriously for your children's sake limit screen times. At first they will not be happy, but it will be a kind of tough love kind of thing. And your eldest could look d try & interact with his siblings more. I remember my sister reading to us when we were younger, long time ago. Tv more time then not did not work. We all grew up loving books & reading them was such an enjoyment.

They let them watch children's TV or DVDs or Videos. I did. Its hard when you are trying to do it on your own. It was hard for me and I wasn't. Hubby worked quite long hours. I sympathise with anyone who allows their children to use iPad etc. I maybe would try to cut down and limit it to maybe two hours a day. Maybe three in school holidays.

TV is still a screen

So much new ones to this debate and so easy to be polarised. In reality or all screen time is equal, and too much is entirely subjective. Is it an hour? Is it four? Is it six? Some of the arguments around it I’ve also dated - no society didn’t collapse without screens in the 90s, completely different time with social norms likely in your children play outside alone wouldn’t be tolerated now. The load on parents was also different. There wasn’t the emails, texts, WhatsApp groups and constant admin and involvement in school in the same way or even close to what we have now.

Mine don’t game (only at Christmas when they get one game), don’t watch iPads in their rooms, but watch a tonne of TV (probably 4-5 hours most days in chunks). They also do brownies beaver’s gymnastics football climbing swimming walks, crafting drawing games quizzes and a tonne of other things. We are completely maxed as two full time professionals and couldn’t cope without it.

I agree but both things can be true: screens are a tool which can make modern family life more bearable, whilst also causing harm. In the 1950s many mums self-medicated with Valium (“mother’s little helper”) which probably made family life more bearable. But which also doubtless caused harm 🤷‍♀️

My grandaughter is 4 half of week with mum always has an iPad comes to dad who is my son he doesn't give her an iPad anymore.
She is more talkative aware of what's going on around her reads books colours helps me do things at home.
We go out go to the park get in the fresh air.
We do see a more switched on little person .
They're ok in short bursts but not constantly.. I love the interaction from my grandaughter it changes if she is on a screen.

What about those uneducated parents who AREN'T middle class (seeing as you felt the need to point out you were graduate MC parents) but still valued education. They just don't have the money to help at all so different choices might have to be made?

That's what was snobby. Your need to point out your education and your class. You could have just said children growing up in families who value education. You didn't need to call out "uneducated" or point out your own class.

The neglect bit I agree with it's too easy to hand over a screen than to interact with your child .
Seeing kids on a screen and mum and dad with there heads in their phones.
It's sad.

How do you know she's always on the iPad when she's with mum? Have you been spying?

It’s science based research. It literally re wires children’s brains and destroys creative play. It’s also highly addictive.

The nuance is screen time quality. Watching horrible histories on iplayer is a lot different to watching unmonitored videos on you tube.

I don't like tv.
It makes my son distracted and inattentive.
He has a speech delay, could be on the spectrum and yet when he watches zero tv for a week, he's so much better.
But every time he watches it say 2 days in a row, it's hard to get him of it and round and round goes the cycle.

And unfortunately he recently got back into it because I've been ill.
But I stop it when I can and nursery always say really positive things when he hasn't watched it in awhile, i.e 'oh wow he's engaging in all activities, he's not pushing kids away, he's saying hi' etc.

I honestly don't know why tv affects him so but I've tested it time and time again for the last year, it's definitely the tv, and the tableta and phones are a 1000 times worse.
Need to stop again 😫

People are ignoring the many experienced teachers on this thread who have observed the changes in behaviour. I think some parents must be in denial.

Of course you do, it challenges your norms.

My toddler does help me cook, but probably watches 2 hours of TV split across the day 4 days a week or so, and that’s too much too.

It’s not some random judgement, it’s proven. There’s not nuance in it.

You have to make the calls that work for your life, of course, but screens may well be making your life harder anyway. They reduce focus, attention span, increase the need for constant dopamine, encourage addictive behaviour.

It’s your call how you parent, of course; and people should stop offering unsolicited opinions, but that doesn’t make it less damaging.

I wish parents could just spend one day in a classroom with kids who spend every waking moment on a screen.

Screen time used to mean TV, but that was a much more controlled medium not the wild west of today's version.

I don't like screen time and try to minimize it, but when we do it is something educational. Mine is turning 4, we basically started screen time with only educational videos, no cartoons at all. He know so many things now I would not even imagine a child his age can, not mentioning he learned majority of his English, alphabet, numbers and started reading by himself, all due to that videos. (We are multi-lingual family, so I communicate with him in my language solely, my husband in his and between each other we speak in English. I was adamant he needs to learn our langugages, because English will come automatically. And it was true!) So yes to screen time for useful things and absolutely no to just watch anything to kill time.