DS wants to go by middle name

[Motthew]

Has anyone's child done this? Or done it themselves? He's 8 so it's not like he's always gone by it. Say his name is Daniel James Smith (of course not his real names) and we've always called him Danny, he says he wants to be James now. Just because he likes it better.

Theoretically I have no objections, James is his name just as much as Daniel but I think it will take a lot of getting used to and I'm not sure how serious he is about it.

Part of me thinks good for him as I've always preferred my middle name too, but somehow it just never felt like it was 'me' iyswim.

Should we go with it or let him think about it a bit longer? I know it doesn't have to be permanent either way but how long does it take to get used to a name change like that?

P.S. Although those aren't the real names as I said, both his names are the same style as those - classic, not particularly exciting but good solid names. It's not because he has a really wacky first name or something.

Personally I’d let him. Either he’ll realise he doesn’t like it after all and revert, or he’ll be happy he made the change and won’t be blaming you in years to
come that it was something he always wanted to do but you never let him!

My brother did it back when he was about that age. Made us call him Anthony for a while. And then Kevin. It passed.

Sure, why not? My ds did this age 7 and it lasted about two months. The only “person” who uses his new name now is Alexa who he reprogrammed (clever lad as I can’t switch it back!)

My 'proper' name is actually Carrie, but very few people know that and no-one calls me it either. I've gone by my middle name since I was 11.

Might be a fad or might be something that works for him - I can't see the harm in giving it a go. Are there lots of people in his class with the same first name? Also plenty of cultures use the middle names for their children as their 'main nam' - I'm Welsh, I've been known by my middle name forever. I changed my name last year so that my middle name (the name I have always used) is now my first name as I got so sick of being called 'first name' in official settings!

And? Where I live (in the UK) it's very common.

Maybe try it for a bit and see if it sticks. I knew a lad at school that changed his name entirely when we were about ten. He had a traditional name for his culture which he changed to a typical English name

Honestly I think it’s mainly a phase, sometimes it can be provoked by teasing at school. The name doesn’t have to be weird or wacky, children can be little charmers and like to tease especially when they see the object of the tease reacting badly.
I remember hating mine in adolescence, and my daughter hating hers at a similar age.
We just said to her it could be changed when she was 18, and heard no more about it!

I wanted to be called Monty when I was 6. It didn't last.

My DD went from a diminutive name, to her full name to a different name over her childhood/teens we got used to it and she still has it now as a young adult. I would just go with it. See what happens.

Also plenty of cultures use the middle names for their children as their 'main name'

A schoolfriend of mine and her siblings were always known by their middle names. We're SE, her parents were originally from Yorkshire. Always caused a bit of confusion first time of meeting a teacher, but otherwise no problem. (I actually preferred the first names that they didn't use, but not my call!)

Paul McCartney is actually James Paul.

I know three men who have done this, but no women.

I changed to my middle name at 13. But I have an absolutely ridiculous first name. I changed it legally at 16.

If he's thought it through and really wants it then go with it. He can always go back if he wants.

I'm early 50s and I still remember very well the family members who outright refused to use my middle name out of "principle" - my relationship with them was never the same.

When I brought it up with my Nana (I lived with her) her deal was that I changed it out of school first, and then if at the start of the next term I still wanted it then she would speak to the school and I could change it there

My dd is slightly different as we called her by her middle name, but she reverted to her first name when she was 11. She's 25 now. (The family still use her middle name!) .

Easier to do at Primary and switch back if he doesn't like it than to do it at Secondary. This way it will be settled by then you would think.

Start worrying when he wants to be called They/Them.

Seriously just let him go by whatever name he wants. You chose his middle name. Don’t choose a middle name that you wouldn’t be prepared to use if your child wanted to.
Dont make this a big thing and respect his wishes.

I'd be happy to go along with it. The chances are they'll grow out of it but if they don't, then I'd see it as something they feel is important to them. My ex and I double-barrelled our surnames for my DCs' names and I've mentioned to them once or twice that we recognised it might be tricky if/when they get married so if they wanted to change it then it'd be fine with me whatever they chose.

I've had a couple of relatives - all women, now I think about it - who were known by their middle names plus at least one who invented an entirely new name. In the case of my grandmother I didn't even know her official first name which ended up being more than a bit confusing when I went to her funeral...

I have always used my middle name, my parents started it 😂😂 Only my Dr/ bank and the tax people use my first name!!

There is one other 'Daniel/Danny' in his year (not in his class) and nobody called James but I don't think that's a factor for him. He says he just thinks it's a cooler name.

I know it's not unusual to go by your middle name but I had thought most people who do had done so from birth - though maybe that's not the case!

Not always. Changing your surname is accepted readily with marriage etc and nobody bats an eyelid so why is it so different with first names? Some people say oh it’s because you use your first name more but that’s not true eg when you’re a teacher and you’re Miss Jones for years but we don’t think it’s weird if you suddenly become Mrs Parry and the children magically manage to deal with it very quickly.

Wow, bit of an overreaction there.

You need to make sure he understands that unless he changes it officially (by deed poll) then any legal documents will be in his full birth certificate name.
My daughter frequently likes to change her name (she's autistic) but after a few instances of confusion over some medical and therapy stuff we agreed she can be known by whatever she wants but on paper she's her "real" name.
She's fine with that.
Most schools and work places will happily go by a "known as" name for day to day stuff.