DS wants to go by middle name

[Motthew]

Has anyone's child done this? Or done it themselves? He's 8 so it's not like he's always gone by it. Say his name is Daniel James Smith (of course not his real names) and we've always called him Danny, he says he wants to be James now. Just because he likes it better.

Theoretically I have no objections, James is his name just as much as Daniel but I think it will take a lot of getting used to and I'm not sure how serious he is about it.

Part of me thinks good for him as I've always preferred my middle name too, but somehow it just never felt like it was 'me' iyswim.

Should we go with it or let him think about it a bit longer? I know it doesn't have to be permanent either way but how long does it take to get used to a name change like that?

My mum done this and everyone including family calls her by her middle name! She said she just preferred it

Yes obviously. However you asked about changing names without a deed poll, that's the question I was answering.

😂

Interestingly it's actually kind of the other way round in our family. 'James' is the middle name of almost all his male family members on the paternal side, including father and grandfather and most of his male cousins. His granddad actually does go by 'Jamie' to some of his friends but most of them are known by their first names.

Of course that's why his middle name is James to start off with, although we do both love the name for its own sake too.

I think you just go along with it.
I have a couple of friends who use alternative names to their birth names, not all of whom have done so from birth.
Then there are all the (now long gone) relatives from years ago - Auntie Betty was actually Vera, Auntie Kath was really Maria, and Uncle William was Joseph at birth.
As a PP has said, unless he wants to formally and legally change it, all existing documents will be in the name on his birth certificate.

I do love James. But I like it as James/ Jim / Jimmy but not Jamie it seems childish

James has everything, its short in its own right and formal without being stuffy.

Maybe part of it is he wants to fit in with the family if they are all James or versions of James
I'd let him run with it. And tell school in a few months see how he feels after Easter.

James isn't actually the name though.

@pinkyredrose , she did the same to me.
I think she does it on most of the threads she's on.

She must have too much time on her hands.

Thats a pity because its a cracking name and it's really grown on me over the last 10 years.

I assume you do still like his middle name, even if it was given as a courtesy nod to DH family?

Yes, of course we like it and I don't see it as a 'courtesy nod' at all, but that's by the by. It's not a pity that his name isn't James, that is just an example name for anonymity purposes. Although James is a lovely name I can assure you his real names are just as lovely.

Anyway that is all wildly off topic 😄

True 😂

Do you not understand how conversations work?
If you were chatting to someone at work/in a pub/wherever and one person says something that another is then curious about or doesn't understand do you snap "Google it" at them?
Or do you just say that online?

Well I obviously do have plenty time to be on Mumsnet same as you do....🤔

@Needmorelego , are you completely lacking in self-awareness or do you get a kick out of being a pain in the arse?

Maybe pity was wrong choice of words but I'm loving James as a name at the moment.

Lots of people go by their middle names
My mother in law does.
A lot of celebrities do - Brad Pitt, Rihanna, Meghan Markle, Bruce Willis, Jason Momoa, Drake

@JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl , some famous people will have opted for the name that will work best for their career.
Actors & singers often need a name that is not already registered as an actor or singer's name.

Some politicians use a more 'voter friendly' name if theirs might be too forgettable or unusual.

Huh?
You are the one who rudely snapped "Google it" to the ONE question I asked during what I thought was a conversation.

I don't see any problem with it at all. If you give your child more than one forename, you give them a choice, and he's exercising his choice. It sounds as if your main concern is that it will take some getting used to, so the sooner you all get started, the better. Try not to feel sad - he's rejected one of the names you gave him, not his entire upbringing - but proud that he's confident enough to say what he wants to be called.

I never changed to my middle name but I switched from the short to the long version of my name at 9 and back again at 16, at my own request, and we all coped. (It wasn't just a Susan/Sue kind of change, more complicated than that, think something like Matilda/Tilly, so almost like using a completely different name.)

Nothing wrong with using a middle name, have known a few people who do. And five Prime Ministers in my lifetime.

Yes but many do it out of preference eg George Osborne changed his name from Gideon when he was 13 and Boris has always been Boris. I doubt Liz Truss chose Liz over Mary for political reasons and while there are some actors who use a different name because it sounds better or because someone else has it, there will also be lots who prefer their middle name.

It might also be more common in some cultures. For instance the current prime minister of Sweden Ulf Kristersson actually uses his first given name but every single one of the NINE prime ministers prior to him went by their middle name and always had done, ie didn’t change it in the context of being elected as politicians. It’s pretty common in the UK too. I mentioned Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Gordon Brown and Harold Wilson as examples. Other middle namers are James Callaghan, Harold MacMillan, Anthony Eden, Neville Chamberlain and Ramsay Macdonald.

@Needmorelego , I didn't snap "Google it", rudely or otherwise.
If I were in conversation, I'd quite likely say 'have you tried searching online'.

Leave me alone.

@Glowingup , 'Boris' has not always been 'Boris'. His middle name was to honour a friend of the family or somesuch. His sister refers to him as Al and has said in print that he is Al within the family.

Ah okay, I didn't realise they call him Al. Well, at university, so pre politics, he was Boris (even if not to family members). Not changed to be more voter-friendly.

I didn't say former PM changed his name to be more voter-friendly. I said
Some politicians use a more 'voter friendly' name if theirs might be too forgettable or unusual.

According to wiki, BJ started using the name Boris while at Eton.

When I mentioned some politicians, I was thinking of people like Tony Benn, Tony Blair, Harold Wilson, Gordon Brown, Margaret Thatcher etc. I cba to check each of them but it's quite possible that they might have opted to use a version of their name or their other forename.

(I disappeared down a rabbit hole, but a remarkable politician who had an unremarkable name was John Smith. No middle names AFAIK. )