DS wants to go by middle name

[Motthew]

Has anyone's child done this? Or done it themselves? He's 8 so it's not like he's always gone by it. Say his name is Daniel James Smith (of course not his real names) and we've always called him Danny, he says he wants to be James now. Just because he likes it better.

Theoretically I have no objections, James is his name just as much as Daniel but I think it will take a lot of getting used to and I'm not sure how serious he is about it.

Part of me thinks good for him as I've always preferred my middle name too, but somehow it just never felt like it was 'me' iyswim.

Should we go with it or let him think about it a bit longer? I know it doesn't have to be permanent either way but how long does it take to get used to a name change like that?

I have always gone by my middle name, mainly because my first name is a fucking hoot (thanks, Mum).

In my family....

Father is known as Dave instead of William
Grandfather was known as Sam instead of Peter
GRandmother (wife of "Sam") was known as Winny instead of Vera
DD is known as Lizzie instead of Charlotte
DS is known as Jack instead of Alexander

All from middle names. Its been weird when the kids did it but its their choice and I am getting used to it. All of the family from the older generations did it from a similar age to your DC and from what my father says, its wasnt that unusual.

Perhaps we are just really shit at picking names!

Two of my grandparents used their middle names as their first names. Their real names only appeared on official paperwork.

I’m nearly 60. I have a friend from primary school who is called something like Walter John. I have always known him as Jack. We just weren’t and aren’t the generation to use that name.

Another friend has the same name as his father. Only his mother calls him that. Everyone else knows him by his middle name.

I’ve always been known by my middle name. It is (or was) very common to do this in South Wales.
When I first knew my BIL he was a little boy. He started using his middle name at about 11, and he still does in his 50s. Surely it’s not a big deal.

My step-father (also in south Wales) has used his middle name for 50+ years. His first name is tricky to pronounce if you're not Welsh.

It’s a very upper class thing to go by your middle name. I worked at a top tier public school in the UK and loads of the boys were known by their middle names.

DH has always gone by his middle name, as did my grandfather.

I think my dd likes it - I had a baby when she was this age and she taught the baby to say her middle name as her name. I asked her at the time whether she wanted us all (including the baby) to use her first name and she said no.

That’s simply not at all true. It’s perfectly to normal to float ideas past friends etc. it doesn’t mean she has a problem. I think some of you just like to think someone has a problem so that you can be pass agg.

Both of our children have first names that have significance to us. We gave them very different second names so that they could choose not to use their first names if they wanted to. So far they haven’t. But I would be fine if they did.

I noticed you change his forename to nicknames, Daniel/Danny and James/Jamie. This is maybe what he doesn't particularly like but won't say.
My family shortened my name and I hated it, Alexandra to Sandra.
I now always give my name as Alexandra. For whatever reason people still ask so what do you prefer to be called? Alex or Alexandra? Just my fecking name thanks very much!! Why are people so obsessed with shortening names 🙄

My mum goes by her middle name. Shes 92 !

My mum and dad both use their middle name instead of their first name, apart from 'official' things.

I think that's a good idea. I had wondered if he thought 'James' was more cool because Daniel had turned into Danny and he felt that was a bit babyish ?

Don’t be ridiculous. Her son is not her puppet, he has every right to want to be called something else. My mum wasn’t supportive of me being called a different name at a similar age and I really resented her for it. I did change it to a diminutive and I refused to answer to my full name. She soon got used to it.

I do understand but I think a lot of parents give names like Alexandra, Elizabeth, Christopher, etc so the person can chose between the whole name or one of the many short versions.

As an aside, one of my colleagues was annoyed by our two grades up boss calling him Dave when he was always known as David. Big boss's name ? David which he always insisted on being called 🙄

@Needmorelego ,
unless he changes it officially (by deed poll) then any legal documents will be in his full birth certificate name.
Not all legal documents need the full name. It is advisable to use the full name.

My DDs best friend changed to using his middle name, although he was a bit older probably about 10. He just preferred his middle name
7 years later he still goes by his middle name. He started six form college last September and it was only recently the people in his class found out he was using his middle name (I think one of the teachers accidentally used his first name).

My dad’s side of the family did this too. As I got older I learnt that several aunts in my family had in fact totally different first names to the ones everyone used (they weren’t even middle names). Which made it quite galling that my mum was unsupportive of me changing my name (I don’t remember my dad’s view, he was probably ambivalent). Had I known about my aunts I would have fought my corner more.

I’ve come unstuck a few times with this. I haven’t used my full name for fifty years (even my passport has my diminutive) but it has caused extra work with some official things . It never caused problems decades ago but with extra ID security now it has become more of an issue. I balk at having to use my proper name, even on paperwork. I never use my name in day to day life though.

@Needmorelego , unless he changes it officially (by deed poll) then any legal documents will be in his full birth certificate name.
You can change your name legally without a deed poll.

It's not the nickname thing really - we've always sort of used both. The specific reason he gives is a bit hard to explain without saying what the real names are, which is why I didn't go into it but his first name is Biblical in origin and his middle name is from a different origin which he finds cooler. Like imagine he was really into the Anglo-Saxons and his middle name is Alfred and he wants to sound more like an Anglo-Saxon.

Which is totally valid, as I said I'm more interested in how much hassle it is to actually make the change and the chances of him changing his mind.

I meant it in a way that he needs to understand that at the doctors, his passport, on the school records etc it will still be his birth certificate name so sometimes he will still be called that name by some people.
That's what I meant.

@BunnyLake , that's why I stated It is advisable to use the full name.
I'm something like Jane Whaleminiya Blubber and always go by Whale Blubber. I have some legal documents in the name of Whale Blubber and some in the full name.

I have queried it and was told something like if you are known as a name then it can (but won't always) be accepted as a legal name (I can't remember the exact wording, check before taking my word for it).