DS wants to go by middle name

[Motthew]

Has anyone's child done this? Or done it themselves? He's 8 so it's not like he's always gone by it. Say his name is Daniel James Smith (of course not his real names) and we've always called him Danny, he says he wants to be James now. Just because he likes it better.

Theoretically I have no objections, James is his name just as much as Daniel but I think it will take a lot of getting used to and I'm not sure how serious he is about it.

Part of me thinks good for him as I've always preferred my middle name too, but somehow it just never felt like it was 'me' iyswim.

Should we go with it or let him think about it a bit longer? I know it doesn't have to be permanent either way but how long does it take to get used to a name change like that?

Out of curiosity....how?

@Needmorelego , use the internet to check.
One obvious one is when you get married.

It's fine, he's just experimenting with how that name feels. My mum always told me I had the option of starting secondary school going by middle name, my first name was unusual back in the day but is now ultra common! I never did, but i do sometimes use it as a pseudonym online!

Well duh !
I knew that one.
But this child is 8 so marriage won't be happening for a while 😂

My d became known by a nickname. Example name is birth name Jane but is known as Jo] and everyone calls her it, work place, family and she introduces herself as Jo.

@Needmorelego , why do you ask question after question and nitpick the replies? I did not suggest that an 8 year old change his or her name by getting married.

An 8 year old will not have many legal documents, and as many others have pp, many individuals use their middle name as their known as name.

I won't be replying to any further questions on you on this thread. Please do not ask me any.

@WhaleBlubber wow !
I asked ONE question. I thought this was a conversation.
Ok.... I won't respond to you again.
Enjoy the rest of your day 🐋

I wouldn't officially change his name at 8. You can call him by his preferred name and ask school/clubs and family to do the same. He can tell his friends the same.
If you officially change his name and then he decides to go back to his original name it's going to be a nightmare. Give it a few years, if he still wants to be known by his middle name you can change it officially then.
There will be some people who still call him by his first name (doctor, dentist, etc) but as long as he's not at the doctor's all the time does it matter that much?

Sounds like he needs a hobby.

Lol what? He's 8! He has plenty of hobbies.

You can make a statutory declaration instead of a deed poll. It will be accepted by the passport office and DVLA and you can get all your documents changed.

Thanks.
Although he's 8 so I don't think anything should be done officially.
He just needs to understand that when (for example) he visits the doctor the name called out will be his legal name not his "known as" name.

All 4 of dc's grandparents go by their middle names (what are the odds!) and that has never caused a legal issue. None of them have ever made any move to change their names by deed poll.

I do know a 5 year old who just came downstairs and announced they wanted to be known by their middle name. Refused to reply otherwise. Took the family a while to adapt but he stuck with it and is now aged 40+ and happy with the switch!

I think some talking about it and understanding that it would be a permanent move and that you'd have to talk to the school etc. Just to make sure he's serious? But I think I'd go with it personally?

I don't think I'd ever officially reverse the order of his names. He can do that himself as an adult if he wants to. But both names are his and as far as I'm concerned no official changes are required to use one or the other in daily life. I know it will be difficult though to just start calling him James when we've spent 8 years calling him Daniel.

Yeah no at 8 he can’t do that, that’s true. So a deed poll is a better idea if you want to officially change it before he is 18.

Yeah it will but for like a month or so. Think about all the friends you have who changed their names on marriage. Think about celebrities who did, eg Victoria Beckham. Think about brands that have changed name over the years. You just start using the new one and it becomes second nature. I can’t even remember some of my friends’ maiden names now.

Jeez talk about overreacting! BTW it's 'outgrown' not 'overgrown'.

I've known a few people who made the change permanently to their middle name.

I had an auntie and uncle who always used both of my names. No idea why. It didn't bother me but my parents hadn't intended me to be Ada Dex, just Ada.

I've often wondered why we have 'silent' middle names. I guess they're a handy substitute if we really don't like our first name.

Women do it all the time just by using a marriage certificate.

I don't think you need to do any legal changes, its still his name, millions of people are known by variations of their legal name, without issue.

Back in the day when hospitals used to write patients names on the beds my grans always had her formal name - Elizabeth with Betty written bigger making it clear she was known as Betty and not Elizabeth!

Hmm, as someone whose parents decided to call me by my middle name (and I only realised it wasn't my first name in my teens!), it is a pain once you get to adulthood and and have to give your full name but ask to be referred to by your middle name. I moved around a lot in my 20s, had lots of different jobs, so I guess it came up a lot. I mean, maybe it's easier now, but it annoyed me, especially as I didn't like my first name. I ended up changing it my deed poll when I got married.

I think it's fine for now, let him try it out. It's still a name that you chose. If he sticks with it, I'd recommend changing it by deed poll as soon as he can.

I think its a combination of reasons a plan B as you say.
I sometimes wonder does it stem from using family names, called after grandparents so you end up with Dad called John and son John but other grandads name as a middle name if they have different middle names they are John A Smith and John B Smith etc

Funny you should say that.

One of the examples I knew was a boyfriend who's middle name was his Dad's name. He didn't like his first name though, and went by his middle name which meant he and his Dad ended up with the same name anyway 😂

Yes but this thread is about an 8 year old boy 😂

I had a school friend called Katherine Elizabeth X. Sometimes she went by Kathy, sometimes Elizabeth. We just rolled with it. Probably drove the school a bit crazy with admin but I don’t recall it being a big deal with her friends.