DS wants to go by middle name

[Motthew]

Has anyone's child done this? Or done it themselves? He's 8 so it's not like he's always gone by it. Say his name is Daniel James Smith (of course not his real names) and we've always called him Danny, he says he wants to be James now. Just because he likes it better.

Theoretically I have no objections, James is his name just as much as Daniel but I think it will take a lot of getting used to and I'm not sure how serious he is about it.

Part of me thinks good for him as I've always preferred my middle name too, but somehow it just never felt like it was 'me' iyswim.

Should we go with it or let him think about it a bit longer? I know it doesn't have to be permanent either way but how long does it take to get used to a name change like that?

My Mum and both my brothers have gone by their middle names pretty much their whole lives. Mum and older brother because they were given parents' names for their first. Second brother just to be contrary I think....

It was very entertaining at my brother's wedding when he had to make his vows using his first name and most of his friends looked a bit confused.

My sister did this at a similar age and now as an adult still goes by her middle name! Honestly it's hard to imagine her going by her first name now - I'm sure there was an adjustment period but I don't remember it ever being an issue.

I'd check that there isn't something going on in his life that he's unhappy with or wants to escape from. I'm sure that this isn't the case for lots of people, but I've seen someone change their name at crisis points. And of course it didn't fix the crisis or make them the person they wanted to be.

Work, school, uni etc will all be happy to use his preferred name. But he could always change it officially later if he wants to.

Some people who go by their middle name:
Boris Johnson
Brad Pitt
Mindy Kaling
Ashton Kutcher
Reese Witherspoon
Suki Waterhouse
Elle and Dakota Fanning
Jude Law
Liz Truss
Gordon Brown
Harold Wilson

Its not weird or unusual at all.

My mum and her brother went by their middle names their whole lives, her mum preferred them.
I changed my first name when I was 18. Loathed my first name completely. Takes a few months but friends and family do get used to it. I changed it legally though.

Yeah, let your son be whoever he wants, sounds ok and it's no biggy to revert back if he changes his mind.

Yeah, a close friend did this. He actually went by his middle name until uni. Everyone who knew him pre uni calls him (for the sake of this conversation) Jim and everyone post uni calls him Danny. DH actually calls him a different name from me because he introduced himself as Danny even though I know him as Jim. We often refer to him as Danny Jim. His wife calls him Danny, his sister and parents call him Jim.

Strictly speaking, there's no such thing as a "middle" name in the UK. You have however many forenames you have, and however many surnames. So my full forename is Butchy Resting but posters call me Butchy for brevity. They'd be equally correct to call me Resting if they so wished. It's not a case of the first forename is somehow more "correct" than the second forename.

I went to school with a girl called Elizabeth Marie. She hated Elizabeth so was known as Marie and signed everything E. Marie (surname). I have no idea what her parents called her but all the teachers and students called her Marie.

It's relatively common. The boy has two forenames and would prefer to be known (for the time being at least) by the second of those. It's just convention and parental choice so far that has led to him being known by the first.

We use dds first and middle names interchangeably, oddly. As an example her name has a similar sound to say, felicity Eve and we call her her first name, a nickname of her first name eg Flick and we also call her a derivative of her middke name eg Evie. She’ll answer to any and doesn’t have a preference

Definitely let him. I knew a boy once who went by both his names (not at the same time as in double barrelled). So sometimes he was called A and sometimes B. It was unusual but normal to them. One of my old bosses used to go by her middle name.

I actually thought that was the whole point of giving a child a middle name of middle names: so that they could chose what they wanted to be called.

I don't see what the issue is.

Presumably this was to the person who was abusive towards me! Im amazed they spent so much time searching for me and previous posts.

OP sorry if I was flippant in my reply, I didn't mean to be...it was more an 'and...loads of people use middle names where I live'.

I went to school with lots of people who used their middle name not their first name. I think in several cases their first name was a grandparents name, so they used their middle name. Curiously no one in my birth family was known by any of their given names. My mum and dad called me another name entirely! It stuck and lots of people still use it, they don't realise it's not actually my name. And my dad was always called by a name that wasn't on his birth certificate.

Why are there always a couple of comments that insinuate you’ve got a problem with the issue you’re asking for opinions on? It drives me mad! Can’t some people feel the tone? To me, this is a woman that has no problem with it but would like some opinions - totally sensible! I would just let him give it a try OP, you obviously like both names but I totally understand that it feels weird to begin with and that’s okay. I was introduced to someone as their shortened version of their name. My children don’t remember a time before this person was in their life and this person now uses their full name. I actually feel a weird self consciousness when I say the full name and the kids still haven’t mastered it yet. It’s okay, they’re not mad about it because we’re not being rude.

I like the idea of trialling it outside of school and implement formally from after Easter.

Why are there always a couple of comments that insinuate you’ve got a problem with the issue you’re asking for opinions on? It drives me mad! Can’t some people feel the tone? To me, this is a woman that has no problem with it but would like some opinions - totally sensible!

Maybe because if it really was something the OP didn't have any kind of problem with she wouldn't feel the need to get other people's opinions on? I mean, if my DCs decided to change their name I wouldn't make a post about it because I'd be happy to go along with it regardless.

Is it relevant that it's his middle name, as opposed to him just wanting to be called something different?

My DD (at a similar age) decided she wanted to be called by an entirely different name to her own. Some people humoured her and some people didn't and she reverted to her actual name after about 6 months.

I think that it's fine, OP. It's still his name- just a different part of it! You obviously loved both names when you christened him with his official name. It might take a bit of getting used to, to call him by his middle name, but it might stick and turn out to suit him much better than his first name!

Some people have a real dislike of their forenames, for whatever reason. I did- but unfortunately, my middle name wasn't much better! I changed it legally when I was older. There was an adjustment period for family and friends for a while, but it soon passed, and people say that my new name suits me much better. It's now very odd if people call me by my former name!

I decided I wanted my name to be Nikki at that age. My real name is nothing like Nikki 😂 it passed lol.

Where I am from it's not unusual to be called your middle name, but most people go by their first name.

I knew a girl named "Anna" in school. There were many girls named Anna in our school, so in fourth grade she decided that she wanted to be called her middle name instead, "Leonora". She is 42 years old now and is still called "Leonora".
I always think about her as "Leonora" now, but if I think about it, I remember that she used to be called "Anna".

I would let him but you could carry on calling him by the name you gave him if you prefer. I know several people who are called by one name by their family and another by friends it hasn't caused a problem

I've always been known by my middle name.
It's reasonably common. I just use my full name for nhs, dvla etc but if at gp appointments or similar they generally ask what your preferred name is anyway at 1st visit. Even bank has my full name but I just have my middle name on cards.
Oldest DS 21 had a girl in his primary class who changed her name almost every year, the kids just accepted it although gave them a laugh after 3rd time & she had chosen a few crackers! Once she hit secondary she only changed in 1st yr

It’s his name, why shouldn’t he use it? If you gave him that middle names, presumably you thought it was a good name and you liked it.

If he decides he wants to be called Daniel, or Dan, instead of Danny, would you think it a problem?

My parents gave my brother his grandfather's name as first name because that was the accepted practice in my dad's family, but always called him by his middle name, which was the name they really wanted.

It has caused him so many problems. I wouldn't do it.

DH did this at 15 and simply refused to reply to anyone who used his middle name.

It's completely fine but becomes a bit of a pain in later life with banking etc. A friend of mine who had always been her middle name (it was a family thing I think) actually ended up changing it by deed poll in the end to simplify things.

Loads of people do it though.