School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

You describe a fairly typical situation with young children. Just aim to get there 15 minutes before school starts.

Give yourself a break take a deep breath..its not ideal but you havent committed a crime. I also used to be guilty of the just in time approach but now I leave 15mins earlier and its much calmer. Also the few minutes each day doesn't seem much but as a teacher I can say most late kids absolutely hate the feeling of everyone looking while they come in and try to get organised while rest of the class might already be on a starter task

It doesnt matter if you are 3 mins late or 10, a child arriving persistently late is a disruption to the rest of the class. It can also be embarrassing for the child going in late when every other child is sat ready to learn. Prioritise getting your child to school in time.

I am not dismissing it is difficult, but other families with small toddlers and babies manage to get their school aged child to school in time every day.

Get as much ready as you can the night before and start leaving in the morning 10/15 mins earlier than you do now.

If it helps at all OP - as a child free observer who clicked on this thread for some insight into general (for mumsnet) attitudes towards timekeeping, it seems harsh. Really harsh. You are doing AMAZINGLY - especially as others say as the actual school child is fully prepped and present within 3-7 minutes of the bell! It will
do them no harm at all - people are ridiculous. You’re fine. Give them a banana seems to be the message. Crikey.

Don’t let being unhelpful stop you. By all means, get in with your size tens.

Another one saying your partner needs to step up here. Presumably there are people at his workplace who get their kids to school? Could he drop them at school breakfast club a couple of days? He can also help with ensuring you get more sleep, and all the school and kid related prep that needs sorting before you leave the house.

ah ha ah, HA!

Just you wait..... you will find very soon that you have literally zero levers to make your child do anything. This is coming to you.

This. I'm a teacher, had 2 under 2, and went back to work when my youngest was 6 months old and still feeling through the night. Not easy, but I was never late to work. If you absolutely have to, you can do it. No need to be upset or anxious about this - but treat it as a wakeup call. It's hard but very doable. (Amd before anyone says i had easy kids, my eldest was a nightmare and is now diagnosed autistic).

That’s an odd attitude from a parent. Sod the school and their stupid rules? You’d soon be complaining if all services were late, your g.p. still in bed instead of at the surgery, the shops shut because all the workers have thought sod it. I can hardly believe a parent has this bad an attitude (but unfortunately not at all surprised).

OP isn't being 'casual with time,' though, is she, she's asking for help with her situation. Lots of people struggle with this. Our school has an attendance officer specifically to help people get in on time.

No one is saying that they are going to be damaged for life by being late for school. That’s silly. But they DO need to get there on time. Small things are big things for young children. As someone has said above they are not getting the proper start to the school day by running in late. It’s not nice for the child. You may be wanting the answer it doesn’t matter, school won’t do anything, etc but that doesn’t mean that’s the answer you need.

Leave earlier. No one is saying it’s easy but you still need to do it.

just get up tomorrow and keep going. We all have bumps along the way, you are doing your best and this is your first experience with school so take it on the chin and keep going. Good luck x

The trick is to convince yourself that you MUST get there 10 to 15 minutes before you actually need to be there.
That was what I did when mine were in primary. Doors were open between 8:35 and 8:45am. I had 8:30am as my “time I must be there”.

This. I know a few parents who are routinely late. They started from day 1 thinking the time they had to be there was 8.45, which is the time the gate closes.

I always always always had in mind that i had to be there at 9.30, when it opens.

Im yelling at my kids that they are late/no time for a last wee/if you haven't got your recorder you're going without it.... and we'll be walking in 8.40.

You don't have any control over your child if they just. say.no.

They can, and they do.

What help or advice is there really other than “leave earlier”? That’s the answer.

What’s that got to do with saying sod the school and their stupid rules?

Suggesting that they pay for breakfast club instead of OP simply setting an alarm ten minutes earlier is baffling, sorry.

Indeed. Seems a bit of an odd username for someone who thinks “sod the school rules” also

Op, not sure if you’ll back to this thread after some of the comments but you don’t say if you have a buggy board for the toddler?
I found having one a such a help, in those moments where a stroppy toddler doesn’t want to walk, or get in a buggy (used to put baby in a sling and try and entice toddler in to a pram) mine used to love riding on the board, usually clutching a snack (I know bribery is frowned upon!) but whatever gets you through the morning!

9.30?

You need to set your alarm 10 mins earlier. Your tardiness is disrupting other people's children's learning. I don't know how many times my kids complained to me that they have to keep going over the same things again because some other kid was late and the teacher had to start at the beginning again. Very annoying to the teacher and other pupils in the class who are being disrupted.

Schools are under a lot more pressure these days, and pass that pressure on to parents. Take the teacher's formal tone with a pinch of salt, have a cup of tea, and when you're feeling calmer have a think about what time you would ACTUALLY have to be getting coats on in order to leave on time. Add another ten minutes for contingency. Aim for that contingency time, and I bet you'll find in reality that you end up on time but with very little to spare for waiting around.

Do you go straight back home after the school run? If so, give the littles an easy, non messy breakfast before you go, but them being dressed by then is a nice-to-have. Baby/toddler night and day clothes are basically the same anyway - under a coat no-one will be able to tell! Take a coffee for yourself in a flask and have your own breakfast when you get back.

The class room doors at DS’ school open at 8.40 and close firmly at 8.45. Pupils are not admitted to the classroom after 8.45 and have to walk to the school reception, register on a computer and select a reason for their late arrival. Lessons do not actually start until 9am. I honestly think it’s ridiculous tbh. DS has occasionally arrived 1 or 2 minutes late only for his teacher to look through the class window and tell him she can’t open the door.

If the school wants to minimise disruption how on earth does it make sense to make a child who is a a couple of minutes late traipse to the school front desk to join a queue and register late on a computer, thus arriving even later than their original arrival time??

Anyway OP, sorry to hear you are struggling. It will get easier. Ignore all the hateful comments. People on MN tend to be quite rude to anyone who has 3 or more children.

OP don’t worry. I’m a teacher, it’s our job to mention it. I’d only judge you if you were rude to staff or unkind to your child and you are obviously aren’t either!
I think what’s hard for parents is seeing it from school point of view. I have so much to fit in during a day. Register then straight on with first lesson, so annoying when the office staff bring a late child, I have to stop what I’m doing, hear why they’re late, tell them where we’re up to. This happening on repeat just gives the impression they don’t care or care about school. I appreciate when people have young children it’s hard but then I was in that position and made sure we always made it on time.

Might regret that when he fails his GCSE exams.