School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

No, of course you cant FORCE someome to comply, and neither would I want to (noone learns in that instance) but you can get to the bottom of WHY and work from there. Giving up is not an option. School is not optional, unless you deregister then thats on you. If you have a school.who are not supportive find another. There are plenty of APs like mine who are made to deal with these kinds of issues and we are well equipped at engaging young people back into education, I only wish families and young people would find us sooner, as we can help a lot more with a Y8 child than a Y11 child as time is so limited.

Regular, persistent lateness does matter. It affects the child, and also sets a bad example for their working life.
You can't turn up late for work, end of. Why should school be any different?

The poor mum? What about the poor child? School will have noticed a pattern and have raised this very informally at the door of the school with mum. They are acting in the best interests of the child, they can clearly see an impact. Mums reaction is normal (maybe slightly anxious but she has a lot going on) because she clearly cares about her child and wants the best for him or her. Id be worried if she came on her ranting about the school and refusing to look at getting her child there on time.

Sounds like you are really angry at schools. Schools are mandated by the government for the policies and procedures they have to follow, maybe direct your anger there.

It might matter to her eldest child, feeling awkward and embarrassed at always being the “late one” who misses things.

"Schools are mandated by the government for the policies and procedures they have to follow, maybe direct your anger there."

And yet the schools themselves ignore it:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5461521-single-sex-changing-spaces-in-a-brighton-secondary-school-part-2-the-one-with-the-solicitors-and-the-vexatious-parent?page=1

"School will have noticed a pattern and have raised this very informally at the door of the school with mum."

Clearly not informally as it scared the shit out of her.

" It affects the child, and also sets a bad example for their working life."

Thats bullshit. Work has real consequences. being late for school does not (don't say grades, most children give zero shits about them and the consequences are far too distant from the action for them to care)

School matter way, way, way less than people make out. Most kids would be better off doing a year reading Meditations and understanding it than almost any other year they do from 4-16.

Five kids here always made it in the nick of time.don’t worry about it x

I'd be surprised if there's more than a couple of other children in the class with more than one sibling. Most parents nowadays are not trying to get a child to school with a toddler and a baby in tow, statistically anyway.

For the record, I think you have a very proactive mindset. The school has raised it with you, you're determined to address it. That's all you need to do and you can stop worrying about not being good enough.

Anyone on here kicking you while you're down you can afford to discount, it says far more about them than you.

I'm a pretty solid parent, I think. My kids are polite, I try to be nice to others and I make it to school on time every most mornings! But if some random online bully insinuated I was a shit parent I'm sure my brain would go right to trying to validate that information, instead of just being happy I made it through the day. It's what It does. Stupid brain.

It sounds like you're carrying a lot. And I bet you're doing a great job! You should be proud :)

You sound like a good mum.

Hope today went better for you OP.

Where's Dad? Can parents or friends help? Any other school mums willing to grab them on the way past and walk/drop off? Child minder?

I think the best scenario is getting up an hour or 30 minutes earlier. Everyone dressed, breakfast while you sit and feed baby?

Don't beat yourself up, speak to the teacher. Tell them you have everything in hand to get your child to school, but sometimes life takes over, a baby who needs attending to, at the same time as a toddler needs sorting. So if your DC is a few minutes late, that isn't you being tardy, it's you dealing with everything and everyone at the same time.

Things will improve, you have alot on your plate. Remember to breathe and remember you are doing a great job, being their mum....

As a teacher I would cut you some slack knowing you had 2 other little ones. If it's a couple of mins it should not be made to be an issue. However you know mornings are not working and it must be very stressful for you. If you can shift the routine so you can have an extra 10 mins would be better for you all.

Is there anyone who walks past your house and could take your eldest to school with them? You could offer to walk their child home in the afternoons in return maybe? I used to take my neighbours son to preschool with my youngest (and eldest to the school) not because of lateness but because their boy was a screaming mess at the door if they took him, but if I took him he would be so excited about going in with son that he was fine. in villages people are often happy to help each other out.

If not, then yes just aim to be at school 10 minutes early - with the lateness you’ll probably end up near enough bang on time. Younger siblings become super easy and adaptable generally as they are used to having to wait for feeds or be woken up from naps to go on the school run! My youngest is like that as he has always just had to get on with it in terms of waiting for his brother or going out to take / fetch him. Even now aged 12 if I woke him up in the middle of the night and said come on get your shoes on and in the car we have to do X or Y he’d probably just hop in the car before he even questioned anything! My eldest on the other hand is rigid with routines and cannot handle spontaneity at all!

@oBoltFireTen years ago I could have written a very similar post. I’m very disappointed for you that the problem has been addressed like this. The school’s focus here (in my opinion) should be finding out about your welfare/why you are late rather than monitoring.
Does the school have a pastoral lead? I would make an appointment with them (and if not, the head teacher). Tell them that you are unhappy that ‘monitoring’ is more important than understanding or checking welfare. Explain exactly what goes on at your house in the mornings. If they know you know it’s not ideal but are doing your best I think you will feel happier.
in terms of helping you get to school on time, could one of the other school parents pick up your dc on the way or is there another family your dc could walk with? Are you able to change your feeding routine? If your toddler is still in the buggy do they have to be wearing shoes? If they are walking too, do they have to be dressed properly or can you just stick a coat on over pjs? Look for anything you can do in advance e.g. lay out breakfast night before. Find small things you are doing that you can drop that will give you more time. Get your dc doing as much as they can for themselves.
I wish you well x 💐

Mornings are shit and my youngest is 18. I’m screaming every bloody morning at him to get up as I get anxiety if he’s late for school. He drives himself to school. I tried the tough love but he’s just so laid back it washes over him.

If you can get there 10 mins late you can get there on time. Sure there will be the odd day when everything goes wrong, but that's true for everyone.
If you have a clock in the kitchen which everyone uses to see what time it is, we have one on the oven, just set it 10 mins earlier, get everyone out of bed 10 mins earlier. If heaven forbid you are actually early to school your kids get a chance to play and don't feel stressed.
When my kid was in recep she had a sibling in nursery at another school nearby. Both entry times were 09:00. So I had to be late for one as it was 10 mins between them. So every day I had to go in the naughty parent's entrance and then "wait for a member of staff to record the lateness and escort the child to class". It was such bullshit, it was just a punishment for the child and the parent. Now all the schools round me are struggling for numbers and I'd tell them to stick their moronic punishment and their late book up their arses otherwise I'd take my kid elsewhere.

Hi,I work in a primary school and yes maybe the word monitored seems a bit OTT unless it is every single day which I doubt.
The main reason schools want lateness nipped in the bud is a) Schools want good attendance as they will be judged and I think it affects the amount of money they receive but I may be wrong on that
b) Believe it or not but it seriously affects some children as they don’t like to be the centre of attention when they turn up late,they want to fit in with their peers and be ready for class all at the same time.
I’ve seen when children arrive late the other children shout “Miss,Jack’s here now he’s missed register”etc etc
c) When a child or children arrive late to class particularly younger ones ie up to Year 4,it disrupts the whole class(obviously depending on what class is doing) but usually teachers do phonics or maths in the morning and having 3 or 4 children turn up late one after the other has a huge effect on the focus of children.
I speak from personal experience as I was often late with my daughter and didn’t think much of it,we had a long walk to school,I had another toddler etc etc until I found out that a couple of the children had made up a song about my daughter being late which I think really upset her.
I wouldn’t worry too much but maybe think about some little things that might make a difference.Good luck!

Advocating missing days of school education but the Bible is fine and will make up for it? Yeah that explains it.

Everyone is with you on this op. I only have one school age child and I find the morning's sooo hard. Constantly trying to get her to lie down and go to sleep earlier in the evenings but she's just hyper and jumping around the place. Just know that you definitely are not the only one! Try not to worry about it too much x

Who has size tens?

This woman is asking for advice not criticism but well done you for shaming her! Be kinder… others manage it, it’s not hard

Assuming you've had a blood test, it should e on your medical records, so you could ask next time you have a medical appointment.

I never thought about it until I was pregnant, my blood test showed I was in a negative group, so we were asked what DH was.

YABU

No, of course it's not easy in the mornings, but it's your job to get your child to school on time, and as a PP said, you did decide to have two more children.

I'm not in the UK, so I don't know exactly how it works, but isn't there a drop off window of time rather than an exact time? When my kids were in primary school they could be dropped off any time between 7:00 and 7:30, with the school day officially starting at 7:30. If it works something like this, surely you would aim for the earlier part of the window if you keep being late. If it's an exact time - school starts at 7:30 and you have to wait outside with your kids until exactly 7:30, wouldn't you aim to get there before 7:30 rather than at 7:30 on the dot?

Here they definitely record and keep track of tardies, so I was surprised that you were surprised by this! If you arrive at school after the drop off window, you can no longer drop your kids off in the designated drop off location but you have to go to the front office and sign them in. Things happen and it can't always be helped, but of course it's disruptive, not only to that child but to all the kids in the class and the teacher, and it should me minimized as much as possible.

YABU. Get up 10 minutes earlier.

I honestly would not give it a second thought! Just be honest and say its hard with a baby to think about too. I work in a school as a TA so many kids late and there is nothing the school can do. So give the teacher a nice smile when you are late and please don't worry you are not the only mum that struggles. The schools love to scare monger with monitoring sickness and lateness but they can't do a thing about it! Enjoy your time with your lovely kids and don't worry one bit!

Quite frankly I think it's shocking that someone who works with children in a school would give advice like this!

agree to doing as much as you can night before