School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

My three year old seems to time his poo in a nappy just as I am about to leave. Very annoying!

Get up early, set out early. I have 3 children all breastfed and I had to walk the older 2 to school/nursery still feeding the youngest. You just need a better morning routine and start earlier. Breastfeed the baby on waking, leave enough time to top them up right before leaving, so you have everyone shoes on ready to go. You can also leave the baby in their babygrow and wash them when you get back (obviously change their nappy!). Have the pram sorted, bags done (my husband used to do packed lunches and packed their bags, he also did their breakfast too before he left for work at 7am), so all you do once you finish that feed is put baby in pram and round everyone up to leave. There's no excuse for being late if you walk other than not getting up early enough and poor planning. You can nap when you get home if you can't manage to get up earlier (assuming you are still off work). I used to arrive at least 10min early as I always left extra time. I actually find it much more difficult getting 3 kids to school and myself to work than when I had to do the school run back then, I have to get up much earlier now.

You just need a better routine and if you have a husband have him do some jobs before he leaves for work. Aim to arrive early everyday, my kids have never been late ever.

Oh my goodness, stop being such a judgemental bully. What an awful person you are. Do better.

As a primary school teacher, it’s actually quite disruptive to have a child come in late to the class room every day. You’re half way delivering the input for the lesson and a child walks in. It interrupts everyone, because they then have to out their things away and get their equipment from their drawer. You can lose the flow of the lesson, and so can the other children in the class. Then instead of helping other children, you have to go over the input all over again with the child who missed it. We don’t mind when it’s once or twice, but when it’s every day it interrupts valuable learning time.

I really won’t. Take a good look at what they teach, it’s not really up to much.

but it's that simple, how do you think other parents manage?
Do you think everyone else is superwoman (or superman) and magically get obedient children click their fingers and be ready in 30 seconds?

dont like standing at the school gate WHO does?

We ALL struggle ,and most of us don't have a partner who has nothing better to do in the morning than getting the kids ready.

The difference is the mindset, if it's non-negotiable to be on time, you are on time. If you think it doesn't matter, and you are more important than everyone else so they can fit around your schedule, then you are late.

5 minutes late every day over the course of an academic year is over 15 hours lost. I’m the sole admin assistant in a primary school of over 200 children and lateness is a pain in the arse. It is disruptive to staff and other children and is embarrassing for the late child. Unfortunately, it is usually the same people every day. 99% of parents can turn up on time. Those parents have equally busy lives and could also come up with array of excuses why they could be late. Take this as a wake-up call to organise yourself.

We had one child who was repeatedly late ‘due to traffic’. Surely the obvious answer was to leave 5 minutes early!! How would the parent have felt if their child’s teacher was 5 minutes late every day. Good timekeeping and dependability is an important habit to instil in our children. I say to my own - imagine you are relying on a surgeon to perform life-saving surgery on you; would you want them to be late or to cancel at the last minute.

I’m no saint. I was slapped on the wrist for tardiness in a previous job - just a couple of minutes here and there. The excuse in my head was that I often worked through lunch and frequently worked late. But my manager was right - I should have arrived on time. I’m glad they called me out. I was embarrassed at the time but learned my lesson. I’m sure you don’t enjoy being late. Don’t take the school’s rebuke to heart - move on positively.

Good work with the bullying, you bully. Do you feel better about yourself when you kick someone who is down?

we were always a few minutes late.... the school were ok with it because i explained the situation we were having (ds has asd and getting him out the house was a battle as he HATED the morning playground chaos)

We got permission to be 5 mins after the bell so it was quieter, and we managed that without issue or argument.

It did make me laugh a little though.. other parents start to spot you and set their clock by you, you become a 'i'm late' marker - . they know if they see you, that they're running late. DS used to have the odd good day, once in a blue moon we'd be on time or a smidge early (And had permission to go inside if that happened) and the PANIC on the other parents faces when they thought they were late kept me chuckling all day.

Don't sweat it OP, explain what is going on, and make some small adjustments to your routine, it'll resolve as both baby/toddler get older with time.

Jumino As can be seen from this thread, "everyone else" does not manage it. oBoltFire is obviously very stressed and upset at the moment and such self-satisfied and censorious comments are hardly going to help. Most people have tried to be supportive by offering ideas that might be helpful.

OP - I hope some of the advice on here is helpful to you.

Get up earlier and get sorted earlier. Leave plenty of time, the vast majority of kids get to school on time. It’s not exactly unachievable.

Sounds awful for you. We get a % score if late so effectively everyone has lateness monitored. I've let my kids be late when they are well enough to go to school but ill enough to need more sleep. Your sleep is important for getting your child safely to school and that safety has to come first. It's totally understandable with a baby that you might not be able to get to school on time. What are the school going to do about it anyway? Probably just guilt tripping.

If you say so.

Please try not to be stressed - its fairly standard. for a time I worked on a. school reception and was part of the monitoring. Its not a bid deal. TBH it frustrated me that schools are like this (im more a free spirit). liek you im the sort of perosn to get worried by something like this.

It doesn't help to call someone " a bully" simply because you disagree with them.

It's a fact that it's always the same people who are late, always the same who are casual about time while everyone else make efforts to be on time - everyone is struggling, everyone has kids to take to school, that's the point

Just seen more recent posts - yet more perfect people decide to put the boot in. Are you for real or are you agents provocateur trying to create drama and bad feeling? (Bravo fannywammy by the way - totally agree with you).

Don't see this as judgement OP, rather a kick up the butt to do things differently.
Your child needs to be at school on time. Her needs are the most important at that time of day. Not the baby's feed, not the toddler's bad behaviour.
Get a cheap double buggy. Or get the toddler to walk in bare feet and take some flip flops he can quickly change into (10 metres down the road) when reality sinks in. Forget the feed until child is safely dispatched.
And leave the house earlier.

Not a bully. Just observing the real reasons behind the OP's behaviour.

Out of interest OP why do you think you'll feel daft standing around waiting for the gate /classroom door to open?

Do you imagine you'll be stood waiting on your own? You won't be.

Guarantee it there'll be a good few desperately waiting for the door or gate to open because they've got to dash straight off for work and they actually need to drop off as early as possible in order to get to work on time.

Absolutely a bully. Own it. You made up your own reasons so you could kick another mum who is clearly feeling down. That is classic bullying behaviour. Anyway, good night to you, you horrid little bully. I hope your children do not take after you.

I'm an attendance officer in school and I always see posts like this and feel like I should offer some genuine and accurate advice, especially when you're worrying about it. I also have a 10 month old that also is due a bottle just before the school run. Babies don't care if you need to set off do they! They also don't care that it's really unideal when they poo as you're walking out the door!

Just for reassurance though, I send messages and letters to parents to tell them that we're monitoring punctuality, it's just something we have to do, it's more of a gentle push to aim for earlier. In reality, no school is going to submit the forms to your local authority for a fine over a few minutes late in a morning, if they did, they wouldn't accept that anyway. If your child was missing their morning mark every morning and rocking up half way through their first lesson then that's different. From personal experience though If a parent rings me on the back end of a letter I've sent and just explains their situation, I'm human, and a mum, and I do understand. 'Monitoring' for me is them just saying they've noticed it so they're mentioning it for you to try improve it. Honestly though it's not something to overthink or worry about, you have to jump through hoops to fine parents for attendance since the changes came in last year. Numerous meetings, early help referrals, 'ATTEND' plans have to be done before it gets to that, even at that point it's not an easy process for a school..so don't worry x
(people usually jump on me for saying this type of thing but I'm a mum and a human over anything else)! X

I thought I lacked empathy.

No one will die. Nothing bad will happen if kids are late but school are obligated to mention it. You’re doing your best. Give yourself grace and ignore the critical posts. I was one of those mothers when kids were younger. Always scraping it. My Apple Watch used to ping ‘do you want to track your workout?’ on the school run as I was literally running behind their scooters when they got older. We always just lost track of time and were always ‘just in time’. Or occasionally late. Don’t stress. As long as your children are loved, fed, safe, and getting to school (albeit a wee bit late) you’re doing grand.

School are always sending out messages about how much it costs them in staff time and resources to register and settle the late kids. I have zero experience other than my interpretation of what I've witnessed, but does feel to me most schools can tell the difference between families who are actively trying to get there on time and care that they are late, vs the ones consistently rocking up sometime between 9&930 without a care in the world. I'm often at school for one reason or another and it's usually the same families turning up late. Some of them are literally strolling up the road even though school started 20 minutes ago. They've stopped to collect flowers on the way etc. One mum said 'I'd rather we take our time and enjoy the walk together than turn up sweaty and stressed! It's only primary!'. I don't know anyone's story, maybe there's a really legit reason the same people are consistently late, but the impression seems to matter. So OP imo the fact that you're trying should count for a lot!

using the word "bully" repeatedly in 2 sentences is not making it more true.

You don't agree with the poster, it's a free country, but there has been no bullying whatsoever. It's different opinion ,and I agree with the poster you are so irate with.