Modern life doesn’t work

[DeluluTaylor]

I say this reading thread after thread of people trying to work around nigh impossible situations.
I am sitting here with chronic IBS from stress, trying to get the kids out of the door, to a school which can’t meet their need, to go to a job where I’m firefighting as nothing is fit for purpose anymore. Finding care homes for younger and younger people. People who want to work but can’t as they have learning disabilities. Yet in the 20th century an estimated 40-70% of people with LD were employed.
I have 38p in my bank account and all my money goes on paying for a big house that we’re in from 6.30pm 7 the next morning, with a huge garden which none of us have time to do anything in. That I sit in on my own when the kids go to see their father in a bedsit at weekends. Yet there are families down the road with three kids and two parents in one room.

The whole thing is crazy. If you were going to arrive here from another planet and looked at late stage capitalism you would say why do you live like this? Getting in debt to spend two weeks abroad rather than making changes to make the other 50 weeks off the year more bearable.

I know it's easy to say, but try to remember that providing for your child is an essential part of parenting.

It isn't investment alone that drives productivity, particularly in the UK. High levels of economic inactivity is hugely relevant too.

Germany and France share many of the same challenges as us. They have a housing crisis (less severe than ours but still bad), worse economic growth and declining living standards. France and Germany have worse wealth inequality than the UK. I have never tried to compare Britain to Kenya other than to point out that some of the things we take for granted aren't necessarily true for everyone all of the time.

@Smoosha I actually love my job & prefer p/t to not working. My point was a high % of mothers do work p/t, it’s not a tiny minority.

But say 70 years ago (1950s), people often lived with parents when they first got married, lived in a couple of rooms if they didn’t, only had a couple of weeks’ holiday per year, didn’t go abroad regularly if at all, certainly most didn’t have a car, rarely went out to restaurants ( other than tea shops/Lyons corner house/fish and chips), had hand me down furniture when first married.
Men ( especially those who worked manually) often died in their early 70s after only a few years’ retirement
I think we demand far more out of our salaries and in fact could live MUCH more simply

I never said Germany & France were not facing issues, they are. I said they didn’t share all the issues we have.

It isn't investment alone that drives productivity, particularly in the UK. High levels of economic inactivity is hugely relevant too

Its not highly relevant but we won’t agree on that.

The end of this is interesting.

How do you feel about the "opt out" people?

Also your comment about people putting petrol, utility bills, work clothes on their credit card. My worldview would be the opposite, I don't know anyone who puts major bills on their credit cards, they put Next and Zara hauls, and if they're putting petrol on it, it's to collect points for flights. I'm not denying that lots of people are living in credit, and I know someone who puts takeaways on Pay-In-6 for example, but it's just different ways of living.

I wouldn't say that I think modern life doesn't work, but mine isn't working right now, either. DS is my eldest and is due to start school this year and I have an unshakeable feeling that I'm signing him up for a broken system, that crushes personality and teaches skills pretty poorly. Teachers are doing their best, but they are cogs in a broken system, with few resources. DD is much younger and currently at a baby class with her Dad while I work, because I have better earning potential than he does... and he lost his job when I was heavily pregnant, so I've been back at work since she was 10 weeks old. I can work pretty flexibly but I feel like I've missed out on so much, and she's SUCH a Daddy's girl, and I wonder if that's because he gets to do SO much with her...

There's a bit of me that wants to bundle them all up and go somewhere else for a bit, for less of a rat race. I'm very aware that it's still working in a new location, but we spent three months last year in Spain for example, where lots of neighbourhood kids were out playing at 7/8pm, so it felt like you got time after work with your kids, rather than getting home to put them to bed and jump back online...

In 1950

France and Germany have worse wealth inequality than the UK

Again nuance, poorer families in France & Germany tend to be better off than poorer families in the UK

This is so true. Even when I married in 1977, we had a hand-me-down cooker, no washing machine or fridge and Grandma's old sofa. New furniture wasn't even a consideration and neither was buying things on credit. I've already said that it is really difficult to go against the grain, but it is possible to do without many of the unnecessary things which seem to be considered essential nowadays. Stressing yourself out and damaging your health is a big price to pay for 'keeping up'.

Agreed. I don't know any single woman who has gone back to work F/T after having kids. Most do two or three days a week.

If you can’t afford a big house and don’t need a big house why did you buy it?? This has nothing to do with modern life

The unaffordability of housing is absolutely at the heart of the problem.

It knocks on to everything.

For example, it's all very well telling the OP she individually should downsize, but the wages of the carers for the people with Learning Difficulties need to cover said carers' housing costs.

And if the wages don't, the carers need top ups from the taxpayer in order to rent... costing themselves and the OP again.

I'm off sick with stress/anxiety and depression at the moment. I'm a single mum on good money, i feel like i just imploded after christmas and couldn't keep going anymore. But at somepoint i will have to go back to work. It's ridiculous the amount of expectations there are to keep going and i don't know how this can continue

I think it was "Britain's Housing Crisis", but I saw a programme where with a recent study of the economics of housing. The academics doing the study were so shocked at the graph of how house-builders' profits had gone up that they went back and checked their figures because they were certain they must have made a mistake. Nope, no mistake: the profits of the house-builders had shot up stratospherically, and over a comparatively short time.

Turns out the house-builders have been prioritising profit over quantity. Even if they have everything available – land, planning permission, materials, labour – they choose not to actually build until house-prices in the area reach a level which will yield a massive profit.

They're not trying to cover their costs and make a modest profit: they're deliberately choking supply to raise prices to increase profit per unit.

Britain’s Housing Crisis: What Went Wrong?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001rkn5

The unaffordability of housing is absolutely at the heart of the problem

its also feeds into the productivity issue. Too much income is eaten up by housing.

Why do some posters think people today don’t also have 2nd hand furniture or hand me downs?

But a lot of things that are cheap now weren't cheap or available back then, and that is why.

Take going abroad. In the 70s my grandparents would fly over from mainland Europe, collect me and fly back with me to their house for the summer, then bring me back at the end. It was hideously expensive! I can fly to their country now for £30 with a cheap airline.

Clothes were expensive but now you can get a whole wardrobe cheaply online. (taking aside ethical considerations).

Furniture, again was expensive, but now we have places like Ikea, abundant second hand options where you can get stuff almost as good as new.

So yes of course people expect to be able to afford those things because they have never been as cheap or readily available. There's no reason people shouldn't be able to afford them.

That's why I think comparisons to the past like that just don't work. We're not in the 50's. That's like people who actually did live in the 50s comparing their lives to the 1870's!! I don't think they did that somehow!

I just bought a 2nd wardrobe off Ikea, I really am not a unicorn!

That's why I think comparisons to the past like that just don't work. We're not in the 50's. That's like people who actually did live in the 50s comparing their lives to the 1870's!! I don't think they did that somehow!

Quite!

I have a spinal condition that means traditional work in a physical workplace is no longer possible. I worked in retail and factories for years; the Internet has been a godsend for me. I can work on my laptop, selling my designs on Etsy and other online platforms. The Internet has opened doors as a market place for many artists who wouldn't have got their work out there otherwise.

Agree with all of this.
That thread is a reflection of the times; no value placed on SAHM / even PT parents anymore.
There’s been a huge swing on MN towards both parents working FT and 8-6 childcare being the norm. 20 years ago on here, it was unusual and there were regular debates where both ‘sides’ were argued equally.
Far more burned out parents these days.
Heinous house prices and COL have pushed us backwards it seems. There are no winners here. I feel for this generation of young parents and I fear for my (gen Z) daughters.

It’s completely broken OP. I live a life of relative comfort (money-wise). But I have a chronic condition, a child with needs (and another child) and work full time. It makes me even more poorly. I hate it all and it’s so hard to change for women with the general shitshow of male support on offer.

I don't know why you are determined to interpret my posts in such a strange way. First you seen to be adamant that I have implied that the UK is comparable to Kenya when I have explicitly stated the opposite numerous times. Now you imply I don't understand nuance. There is always nuance. Wealth inequality is factually higher in the two countries you wanted to compare us to. Does that mean that this inequality is experienced consistently across all demographics across all measures? Of course it doesn't but if the overall measure suggests that wealth inequality is higher then these countries clearly have deep rooted issues with inequality too. Germany in particular is far more problematic than the UK when it comes to the distribution of assets.

I also can't believe you don't think economic inactivity isn't a major driver of poor productivity. This flies in the face of accepted economic theory.

I have a cousin who literally gave up “modern life” in the West and is thriving. At the time we thought she was having a mental breakdown!

Shes 34 now. But when she was 28 she went to Punjab in India to shop for her wedding clothes. She was engaged to a white, English guy. But she ended up falling in love with a cousin’s friend and moved out there to a rural farm in the mountains.

Of all people you would not think she would ever live in such simple ways. She modelled as a teen, went to one of the best UK universities, partied, was constantly on holiday, dated etc.

She said she couldn’t spend another day staring at a spreadsheet! And then going home to cook then sleep.

Her life is so different now but she has never been happier. And when she came to visit this Summer she looked so glowy and healthy.

She spends her days volunteering at her local Sikh temple (in the free kitchen), teaching at a girls school, riding her horses and looking after her farm animals/street dogs. At the weekend her husband and her sons camp, fish etc. She has become much more religious and spiritual - now meditates. Shes got into a Sikh form of martial arts which keeps her in shape. she credits all the above for having cured her chronic anxiety.

She takes an afternoon nap on a hammock! They have a computer and TV. The tv is only watched at the weekends and the computer is used for school and video calling family.

And her sons. My gosh, they are just so well behaved and well adjusted. The 6 yo was teaching dh when we went fishing this Summer!

It’s taught me a lot. Progress and modernity is good but we need to not chase complexity and change just for the sake of it.

It’s funny how we all thought she needed to see a psychiatrist initially

Totally agree op, people also buying crazy expensive cars two of them, on car payment plans etc

all these humans locking themselves into prison of debt

the answer though is to live more modestly