Modern life doesn’t work

[DeluluTaylor]

I say this reading thread after thread of people trying to work around nigh impossible situations.
I am sitting here with chronic IBS from stress, trying to get the kids out of the door, to a school which can’t meet their need, to go to a job where I’m firefighting as nothing is fit for purpose anymore. Finding care homes for younger and younger people. People who want to work but can’t as they have learning disabilities. Yet in the 20th century an estimated 40-70% of people with LD were employed.
I have 38p in my bank account and all my money goes on paying for a big house that we’re in from 6.30pm 7 the next morning, with a huge garden which none of us have time to do anything in. That I sit in on my own when the kids go to see their father in a bedsit at weekends. Yet there are families down the road with three kids and two parents in one room.

The whole thing is crazy. If you were going to arrive here from another planet and looked at late stage capitalism you would say why do you live like this? Getting in debt to spend two weeks abroad rather than making changes to make the other 50 weeks off the year more bearable.

I enjoyed the early days of my working life, when computers were very new, much more than the later years. Staring at a screen all day, rarely having to actually use my brain - it was mind numbingly boring.

Pensions were initially set for a few years payment before death. So not onerous to the tax payer

The reality is we live too long for that system. I dont know the way around it because although we live longer, many of those years may not be healthy years, so theoretically I might live to my mid 80s but be unable to work from around 60.

In the old days perhaps you stopped work at 65 but were dead by 68 (for a male perhaps).

I often think this when I read wedding threads on here. There was one about a "destination" wedding which was going to cost the guests a fortune, but was a "dream location".
There was another one where a woman planned a reception that was an afternoon tea. She got horrified responses! How can a wedding end at 6pm! Everyone has an evening do! It has to be fully catered! etc etc.
People get themselves into debt with weddings, which is crazy.

yep op i agree

sent my 4 year old daughter to breakfast club this morning and shes crying on the way because she wants to eat with me and she says she doesn't get enough time to play when she gets in from after school club at 6.25 (she goes to bed at 7.30) I just constantly feel guilty :(

Yes I've always found it strange how people work all hours of the day away from home to afford a house they never have time to be in. Have children they barely see or spend time with. Devote their lives to working for a company that doesn't value them or even know they exist half the time. It's a sad reflection of our society that it generally now takes two full time salaries to be able to afford a home and the average lifestyle. In previous times, you could own a home and raise a family on one salary, and life was a lot simpler. As a family, personally we have chosen to make sacrifices to income in order to live the old fashioned way. I just don't see the point otherwise. I grew up in a 'modern' household where both parents worked. I don't want that chaotic, detached life for my kids.

Most people aged 60 are still working. I'm sorry if you won't be able to work beyond that, because it does make a difference. I think retirement age does need to increase because people (generally) are living longer and are more healthy. As you say, otherwise it's just not sustainable.

I haven’t read the full thread yet so I might be repeating things I know

The problem is when people complain about how busy and chaotic life is, they want to be the ones taking it slower and relaxing more, but they’ll want everyone else to be doing the hard work. They might not even think they think this but they do.

So let’s say a woman wants to be a SAHM. The father I’m sure doesn’t want to be working himself to death to support them all so maybe he wants to do 3 days a week 9-5. So a nice balance for him as well as he can be home a lot for his kids. Now the couple has three children, two of whom have a disability/SEN. Those children need doctors and specialists. Maybe even emergency ones at times. One might have a restricted diet. Mum will also I’m sure like to shop regularly to get the freshest food to cook from scratch. The children go to school 9-2 during the week. The parents would like to take their children occasionally at weekends to enriching activities like softplay, music lessons, swimming etc. One of them is sensory seeking so loves rollercoasters and rides etc. Sometimes the children need to relax with screens/TV as it’s what regulates them after a tiring day out.

So in order to facilitate this lovely life, someone needs to be farming and producing foods. The supermarkets and shops need to be open daily. Teachers need to be in 5 days a week. As well as any TAs and support staff. Someone needs to be opening and staffing the softplays and swimming baths and theme parks. Doctors and specialists need to be available 24 hours a day at A&E and walk in places. People need to be running the electric and water and power places 24 hours a day. People need to be producing the screens and TV shows the kids watch.

You could say that they all could just work part time right? But where are we getting double or triple the doctors from to cover 24 hours a day 7 days a week if they all want to work 3 days a week maximum? And loads of women are now SAHMs? Who is running swimming lessons at weekends if no one wants to work weekends as it’s “family time” or whatever? Some people are having to work harder than this family in order to facilitate this family’s nice relaxing lifestyle.

The family also need money to pay the bills and the nice activities. But that’s all just on dads 3 day a week wage. But he doesn’t want to become a doctor and work 12 hour shifts over the weekend. So he just wants a chilled office job that’s paid enough to support his family. So everything needs to be cheaper to be affordable on his wage. Meaning the staff at those places get paid even less.

If you want to improve productivity you need to get more people working and those people working more efficiently and effectively.

You need investment, something we haven’t had for years.

I was comparing to the European countries you mentioned originally eg Germany & France. I would argue lifestyle wise we are closer to those countries than Kenya but you can disagree.

I'm sorry to hear that, sometimes it's tough. When my children were pre school, my husband became seriously ill. I had to work a demanding job and also be a carer and sole parent. It was a very tough time, but we got through it, as will you. This won't last long, but sometimes it's hard to get a good balance.

The reality is we live too long for that system. I dont know the way around it because although we live longer, many of those years may not be healthy years, so theoretically I might live to my mid 80s but be unable to work from around 60

Yes, healthy life expectancy hasn’t changed in a long time. When the state pension age increase so does the working population age and one reason we have more of the working age population not working is because some of those 60 somethings can’t work.

Good points, @Smoosha .
There was a thread on here where someone was complaining about their child not having one teacher at primary school, but two part time ones on a job share, and how it shouldn't be allowed.
That really answers the question, doesn't it?

@LeticiaMorales people aren’t healthier in older age now.

I think it depends what data you use and what age bands you consider.

@Smoosha but you ignoring that many people particularly women work p/t now. And that’s in teaching, medical etc

@LeticiaMorales could you link to something that says healthy life expectancy has increased?

You're in the rat race. That's your choice

Agree. Ive been saying this forever, but what are ppl going to do about it. Nothing.

Sorry, I can't at the moment because I'm off in a moment. It was from a PowerPoint presentation we got at work explaining changes in the workplace and more people in work at 65+.
When I get back I can look it up.

If you are referring to the U.K. it has become impossible. We are high earners and our saving capacity is gone. The system is created for people like us to prop the rest that are now barely surviving. Still we get the blame and the resentment. This is a time bomb.

@LeticiaMorales thank you, i’m interested

Very good way of putting it.

But a lot of women only do that out of necessity. Plenty would rather be total SAHM/housewife if they could. (Me as well quite honestly. I don’t enjoy working at all.)
The point of this thread was everyone wanting a more relaxed way of life. So surely that’s EVERYONE who is happy to work only working part time. Or, as it is now, some people being forced to work full time and only the select few working part time?

It's survival of the fittest. Always. You feel sorry for yourself because life is hard - yes it is. But put that to one side if you can, because to survive in this world as a single mother providing all the funding for the kids, organising the house, the childcare, the homework, literally everything with no help from anyone, you have to be phenomenally well organised, tough and single-minded. I have been that single mother and you have to focus on making yourself the fittest so you (and your children) will survive (and obviously, thrive). Past luck/decisions have brought you to where you are and you have to work doubly hard to compensate for the situation you are now in. Very tough - I do sympathise - but life has always been that way and always will be.

Totally agree. Late stage capitalism, or neoliberalism, is rapidly ruining lives for millions of people. Fewer and fewer peope/organisations are controlling the assets and capital in this country and bleeding us dry - look at housing for a start. Just 6 companies control the building of new homes in this country and are running a cartel to restrict supply and push up prices, continually. Look at our food - over half of what we eat in this country is ultra-processed and bad for us - again it's all about multi-nationals' profits. Our utilities are owned by huge, foreign conglomerates who just want to squeeze money out of us. It is all so bleak and depressing.

The internet has brought us many good things, but there is also a downside. Adults and children, constantly attached to a little screen, even in places like restaurants where people should be socialising. Toddlers being plugged in to a device, instead of learning how to interact with other humans.

Things that should be simple, being over complicated, because "computer says no", and to save money, there is no human you can speak to anymore.