Modern life doesn’t work

[DeluluTaylor]

I say this reading thread after thread of people trying to work around nigh impossible situations.
I am sitting here with chronic IBS from stress, trying to get the kids out of the door, to a school which can’t meet their need, to go to a job where I’m firefighting as nothing is fit for purpose anymore. Finding care homes for younger and younger people. People who want to work but can’t as they have learning disabilities. Yet in the 20th century an estimated 40-70% of people with LD were employed.
I have 38p in my bank account and all my money goes on paying for a big house that we’re in from 6.30pm 7 the next morning, with a huge garden which none of us have time to do anything in. That I sit in on my own when the kids go to see their father in a bedsit at weekends. Yet there are families down the road with three kids and two parents in one room.

The whole thing is crazy. If you were going to arrive here from another planet and looked at late stage capitalism you would say why do you live like this? Getting in debt to spend two weeks abroad rather than making changes to make the other 50 weeks off the year more bearable.

You know you dont have to live 'rurally', aka in the countryside to be miles away from stations or to have no effective bus route

I live in a town. I walked to the chemist today. Its 2 miles into the centre of the town. Some of the road doesnt have pavement, I wouldnt do that walk with a child or buggy. If I had a round robin of errands to run, I wouldnt have walked it. Its a luxury to have the time and ability to walk around for errands.

@Bargepole45 I think you make good points but you refer to a time when we had common land that we were entitled to grow food, gather food/ fuel/ building supplies from freely so whilst we would labour for it, there would be very clear personal reward for doing so.

The simplicity of it would also allow time to practice a 'trade' to make money for more. It also reflects a time of community where children and the elderly could be cared for and people could work together to provide for each other.

Allowing much more choice than our modern set up, post enclosures act where our common land was stolen by the rich (whose ancestors still hold it) and we were forced to compete and take waged jobs to buy back these resources..

Certainly not a perfect system but a more straight forward one. It's worth looking at Mexico where 52% of land is still under commons ownership. Not a perfect system but more fair in terms of access and ability to provide for one's own regardless of economic status.

It is not a privilege to live in a 1 or 2 bed apartment but you do so because logistically it makes sense.

I know plenty, including me, that work full time in a graduate profession with no UC. It's not easy. Choices made about location to minimise housing costs, a lot of "no, sorry" to requests for things.

You're absolutely right. I had the same blinding epiphany when I was 24 (in the time of the financial crisis, which itself was so much less acute than the current cost of living hellscape), quit my corporate job and have modelled the rest of my life accordingly.

Small but beautiful rural cottage with no mortgage because we bought it in a right mess and have rebuilt it ourselves. Grow lots of our own food. Brilliant community of neighbours. Found a career that means I work my own hours and am always around for when school's out. Make very little money, spend very little money. Not the high-flying money trap life I was supposed to have when I left uni, but I wouldn't swap it. You can do it too - you've just got to let go of a lot of the ideas we've fed about what success means and what we're "supposed" to do with our time on this earth.

And when you can’t afford that in a walkable location…?

A rural property is more expensive. You chose the option that works financially and logistically.

You keep using the word 'rural', like you're talking about a country estate

Many many parts of the country have towns which do not have stations or useable bus routes.

For the bog standard terrace or semi, it much much more expensive to live closer into the town or city or near a station. Its literally what puts prices up.

At the same time, I wouldn't want to go back to workhouses either. Let's get a happy medium. Life is tough for many of us. I don't know what the answer is.

It is neoliberalism, we've had 45 years of it now.

I asked which jobs involving computers you thought weren't tangible.

But as you've mentioned these...

'Talking to people' isn't a job.

Almost all modern washing machines contain a small computer, and are designed, built and tested using computers.

Mechanics have used computer equipment to diagnose car faults for decades. Many (most?) newer cars have some form of onboard computer.

Are they not tangible?

You’re spending a lot of money on somewhere to live for both parents, and having to work full time to pay for it.

Do you think anyone chooses to have 2 separate homes? Would you say this to a woman who has left an abusive relationship?

Talking to people is a job, Im talking about the death of someone at the end of the phone or email at businesses that you need to communicate with

Recently Ive used companies and not realised they dont have any method whatsoever of contacting them other than a chatbot which simply repeats what is already on the website. No way of getting through by email, phone, or to a live agent. Simply no way

'talking to people' is a job.

Oh just coming back to to this post as I realised that as yesterday I walked to the chemist, I had the luxury of time to do this yesterday. I had planned to talk to the dentist today, this is about 45 mins walk in the town in the other direction, this is no big deal to me, I can easily do a walk of about 5 miles no bother

However, yesterday when I went to the chemist, I knew that I would have to stop for a coffee because the chemist always makes you wait. I knew that I would need the loo so the coffee stop and wait will enable me to use the loo

Today, there are no toilets at the dentist, there is a Tesco superstore next door, no toilets. No public toilets along that high street. (werent any yesterday either)

I wont have a coffee or drink prior to my appointment, so how to access a toilet? I could buy a drink and just chuck it,, expensive toilet stop

I could be waiting around half hour after my appointment time as they never run to time at the dentist, I risk wetting myself.

So car it is, for a journey less than 3 miles, there and back. Add that to the stats.

Off topic but does your dentist just not a toilets at all? I’m pretty sure that’s not legal. Or are they just broken?

During WW2 many women formerly in the home had to work in factories making supplies for the military and other jobs the men sent away were no longer around to do.

This started to change the national female mindset as many, once the war had ended, didn’t want to go back to being at home.

In modern life it is acceptable now for dads to want to change nappies and spend time with their children.

During the Industrial Revolution in London much progress many jobs, but there are many child graves who died of rickets because of lack of sunlight because of the smog.

There are no golden ages.

There are problems to address and hopefully solve in every time and place. The best societies can do is try to address these so as many people as possible can live a stable life, not even fulfilling (because that’s subjective).

No one, but no one, can blame you for being bitter for having experience such a bad situation but it doesn't make you right.

In term of health, you had terrible luck, but "back then" you still had phone, tv, and modern hospitals. Someone in the same situation a few decades before you would tell you you were lucky.

The Covid lockdowns would have been a bloody holiday compared to what I went through. for the lucky ones in a position of luxury and privilege possibly -as much as being on house arrest is any good for mental health. For everyone else? of course not.

Everybody is better off healthy, obviously, and that's the main thing, but it's not the only thing that matters.

I understand that, and I absolutely agree that kids in my situation maybe 10 or 20 years previously would have had it far worse. Plus kids of war must have gone through unimaginable hell that I can’t even fathom.

But it does grate on me, personally, when people talk about the awful impact of the Covid lockdowns on that generation of children. The reality, for the majority (not all, I have been very clear about that) was that it really wasn’t the massive hardship that people make out. They were still educated to some extent, had contact with friends via technology, had access to entertainment etc. I’m sure it had its challenges and was difficult at times, but I think we need to rein in the “their lives have been ruined as a result”.
We are no longer raising a generation of resilient people, and that worries me. As a teacher I saw resilience in children nose dive. We are not helping them by reinforcing the belief that lockdowns have ruined their lives. Lockdown was a challenge to be overcome, and life will throw challenges at people all throughout their lives- some unimaginable.

Is it not legal?

I need to check about this then if so

Its an old small building Victorian. There are no toilets, unless they are out the back somewhere. I will double check this, too late for today unfortuantely.

I have massive beef about lack of toilets.

YANBU OP.

If you stand back and look at us (first world humans), it's crazy how we go about our lives. We have to live under so.many.rules because there are so many of us. It'd been carnage otherwise but Christ, we've forgotten what life should be about because we, as a species, have little choice but to live this rat race life.

Me and my husband were bright enough (he was head boy at Sixth form grammar) to both go to Uni but we didn't. Before we even met, we both wanted a simpler life.

He has worked rurally, on the land his whole life. We met, had children, I stayed home and we home educated our DC in some beautiful parts of the British countryside. Moving around, working for different employers. DH works hard but loves it, despite the weather at times! The upshot is that it's not 9-5, he is back in for breakfast and lunch most days and he has watched his children grow up. They often go to work with him. We chose animals instead of expensive holidays.

Some would look at how our lives as boring but we'd rather be worse off financially than running round like headless chickens, trying to timetable time in with our children.

The world has gone mad and I'm not surprised people are really struggling and questioning everything.

Exactly this. We're suffering from a life we've created.

There was a a sweet spot. I think there was a sweet spot. About 60 years ago.

One of ours has SEN. I've always said, and always will, that Home Education was the best decision we ever made.

Our eldest DC both repeatedly tell us how glad they are that they never went through the system. There's plenty of time as adults to be subject to the system. We are so glad that at least their childhoods were free of it.. They're young adults now with GCSEs and A levels secured just in case they decide not to go and live in a hut in the woods somewhere 😅.

The saddest thing is that this government wants to see an end to Home Ed. This new Children's Wellbeing and Schools bill is going to make it much harder to HE. This is not a good thing. It's yet more erosion of freedom 🥺

Yes you're looked down on for wanting this life now.

One of the saddest responses I have had when talking to people about home education is "God, I couldn't spend that much time with my children".

I'm clearly a total weirdo!

YANBU. I wonder where it will end. You havent even touched upon the shitshow that AI will rain down upon us. It's going to get worse. Every generation says this of course, but I think this is different.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I dont regret not bringing children into this Shit Show. It's a relief every day that I don't have them.

I couldn't love your post more and I think more and more people are waking up to this way of thinking.