To lock the bathroom door?

[Skater78]

This seems such a silly thing to ask but I’d appreciate opinions.
If I am going to have a shower or use the toilet I lock the bathroom door. I like to have privacy in these moments, nothing going on just a regular getting ready for the day routine.
My DH says I should not lock the door it’s not normal to do so he should be able to come and go as he pleases in case he wants to brush his teeth or something.
The bathroom is very small but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Is it a big deal if I want 10 minutes privacy to have a shower on my own. He can brush his teeth around that or after his shower. I just feel like it should be respected as my choice. I appreciate some might not care but
AIBU reasonable to lock the bathroom door?

I do get your point OP but we don’t have a lock on our bathroom door since I was trapped inside for hours after the whole door handle mechanism failed and I was alone in the house. Plus I have been called out to so many medical collapses within a locked bathroom and this has significantly delayed crucial first response care to very sick people.

Speak to your DH and explain the need for just 10 minutes privacy , if he’s a gentleman he will surely understand?!

I don't lock the door - but that is because DH doesn't come in. I don't think locking it for some privacy is unreasonable at all!

I have 2 toddlers now though and they have no boundaries!! But I still don't want to see DH using the toilet or vice versa. Shower I don't mind - but if you mind that is enough. DH likes his shower in private if possible to decompress.

So lock the door!

We are only allowed to poo in the downstairs loo. Otherwise he will go on a rant about that. He’s weird about bathroom etiquette it would seem

I don't like this man, OP. He won't allow you any privacy at all and feels he has the right to barge into your private space.

I explained, not for the first time and he disagreed.

OP you are 100% in the right.

He left the bathroom and so you rightly went in.

How does he get to have it and then encroach on your time too.

Some posters say they leave it unlocked for ‘safety’ but they still give each other privacy.

You need to lock it because he’s not respecting your privacy.

Thanks, our bolts are high up so littlies could never have reached them, and I have just never thought about it since they've grown. Food for thought.

Why is he making the rules?

This is your partner yes? Not your dad?

I believe that to be deeply abnormal and sinister.
So controlling.
I cannot believe that is the only sign of controlling behaviour.

I am married 35 years and lock the door on occasions as does my husband.
It is not something either of us would ever dream of commenting on as we are respectful of each others privacy.

This is not a good man.
In a normal household with only two loos, a shelf is put downstairs with toothbrushes and toothpaste for when the main bathroom is in use.
This is normal.

OP, if you don't have children, rethink this relationship and talk to a domestic abuse charity because this is a really toxic indicator.

Why the hell didn’t he clean his teeth when he had his shower. Or just wait until you’ve finished.

Is he controlling in any other ways? Why do his needs trump your needs? I wouldn’t like that at all and I would set a clear boundary. Tough if he doesn’t like it.

And you didn’t need to apologise to him. Why did you feel you needed to? How could you guess he needed to clean his teeth? He could have used his words and told you he still needed to clean his teeth.

Agree with this

I appreciate what everyone is saying about having a medical emergency and I would happily leave it unlocked if I thought my privacy would be respected but he only knocks on the door after finding it’s locked. My dc wouldn’t come in without knocking.

He is a dick. If you want the bathroom to yourself that's perfectly fine...
He sounds utterly vile.

I wouldn't have locked the bathroom door but also my ex would never have come in unless they were absolutely desperate in which case I think fair enough. We had one bathroom and I have stomach issues at times and there is nothing worse than being locked out of a bathroom when you're in desperate need. However that would be the only situation where either of us would have encroached on the others privacy in that respect and would always ask first.

Have never locked the bathroom door.
DH would not come in usually.
Both of us occasionally do walk in and grab our tooth brush while the other is showering.
We know what is appropriate and comfortable to us.

Your DH should know that you like privacy at all times and respect that.

We actually don't have a lock (rental).. If the door is closed it's apparent it's not vacant. Nobody would open the door then. Other family members would wait patiently for it being available.. They wouldn't demand /just enter
. It's called manners.

I'm sorry? what? 'we are only allowed to poo in the downst...' oh just fuck the fuck off. 😂

I certainly wouldn't dictate to any of my family where they can take a dump and if my DH told me where I could and couldn't poo, he'd be left in no uncertain terms what he can do with his request...good grief. The bloke needs to get a grip!

We don’t have a lock on our bathroom door. Never have. If the doors shut then you know someone’s in there. If DH is in the shower I’ll go in for a wee if I need one.
Not the point of the thread but DS2 (18) has some sort of built in radar. Whenever I need the toilet he’s in there!!
Woke at 4:30 this morning needing a wee, he was in there!!!

Is he also weird, controlling, rude and an arsehole to you in other areas of your life? I'd be shocked if this is his only obnoxious behaviour tbh.

Thank you for those concerned. I’m sure my dh would like to more controlling and have the household and those within it behaving exactly as he would like. This is clear from many other examples of the need for things to be a certain way. But we survive this by totally ignoring what he says. So I continue to lock the door, put things back on the shelf in the fridge where apparently they aren’t supposed to be, not put pans in the drawer in exactly the same way each time. In other ways he’s very relaxed no problem for me going out with friends on holiday with them or whatever. He’s just so very adamant about things being his way in the house. But they aren’t because he lives with 3 women, not on his own and so he has to lump it.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he just wants a relationship where he can wander in and clean his teeth while you're in the shower, many couples do operate like that. (Although it's not wrong for you to want the door locked either.)

But dictating which toilet you're allowed to use and for what is odd and controlling. Even weirder that he has specified the downstairs toilet for that too. If you had guests in the living room and needed the toilet most people would prefer to go upstairs surely where it's more private.

Lock the bathroom door if you want to, just let him know you'll be taking a shower - he can retrieve his toothbrush and brush his teeth at the kitchen sink if necessary. My husband likes to come and go but I just ignore it, I like to have privacy when I'm in the shower, end of. If you've only got one loo then that is trickier but I'd just pre-warn even then and still lock, leaving the door open would be a hard no from me.

This gets worse and worse OP. Emphasis for me is definitely that you shouldn't have to lock it. But clearly you do because he has no respect for your boundaries.

This must also mean he is walking in on your children without respecting their boundaries. Not sure how old they are now, but past a certain age that also becomes a real concern.

Weird < controlling. “Allowed?” Do you want to continue living like this?

I assure you My dc (teens) 100% ignore this no matter how many times he mentions it.