To lock the bathroom door?

[Skater78]

This seems such a silly thing to ask but I’d appreciate opinions.
If I am going to have a shower or use the toilet I lock the bathroom door. I like to have privacy in these moments, nothing going on just a regular getting ready for the day routine.
My DH says I should not lock the door it’s not normal to do so he should be able to come and go as he pleases in case he wants to brush his teeth or something.
The bathroom is very small but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Is it a big deal if I want 10 minutes privacy to have a shower on my own. He can brush his teeth around that or after his shower. I just feel like it should be respected as my choice. I appreciate some might not care but
AIBU reasonable to lock the bathroom door?

Christ. What a horrible way to have to live 😟

That’s what we do. “I’m jumping in the shower in 5 mins, now’s your chance to use the loo” or if I know one of the DSs hasn’t showered I’ll say “let me just pop to the loo before”.
Sometimes someone will have to wait. Exceptions would be for very small children.

Because of his lack of respect you are definitely NOT being unreasonable to lock the door.

We don't lock the door in our house (or shut it half the time), but we very much respect each others privacy and would never try and go in while the other was in there (if the door's shut), if there was a desperate need for something the other would stop what they were doing, come out and let the other in. But that very rarely happens.

The easiest way to get around it is tell him when you are going for a shower (or need 10 mins) and does he need the bathroom first? That's what we do and it works great for us.

i dont lock to ensuite when i use the shower, but in 13 years DH has not seen me use the toilet, for a number 1 or a number 2, and I have no desire to enter the bathroom while he is using it - or for 20 mins afterwards 😂

Both options are normal just depends on preference

Do you ignore it? Or do you poo where he tells you to?

Regarding DC, one has her own bathroom (not our room because it’s too small and is a loft room with very little storage) and the younger one uses our bathroom but goes in first early so there is rarely any issues there, she locks the door too, he has learnt they need their privacy and doesn’t mention it. I think it’s just me!
we are lock the downstairs loo, he does. It’s a bit mad. Like I say I ignore it he just wound me up moaning about it this morning.
like I say he would like us to do as he says but it falls on deaf ears. To be honest I feel more sorry for him getting wound up by such stupid shit. He definitely gets it from his parents

The more I read the more I think he's a controlling pratt. Carry on doing what you want, ignoring his stupid rules. He's spoiling his own life by his ridiculous ideas.

OP, it just gets worse and worse.
He never knocks either?
Does he do that to your daughters?

Your poor poor children.
Another house terrorist dominating the house.

This is so sinister.
Your daughters will grow up knowing this is so fxxked up.

I hope they tell someone if he does this to them.

If one of my daughters friends had this going on in her house, I would 100% be reporting it to their school safeguarding team.

This is NOT normal.
So seriously fxxked up.

This, if bathroom door is closed we all know someone is in it and know that no one will come in. So doesn't need to be locked.

We have a downstairs loo too though I don’t think that makes a difference.

Why then does he feel the need to invade your space when you're using the main bathroom? He is sounding more and more like a belligerent dickhead every time you post.

OP specifically says he treats the children differently which is pretty normal.
he has learnt they need their privacy and doesn’t mention it. I think it’s just me!

Not unreasonable but you shouldn’t need to lock the door, he should know not to come in when you are using the bathroom!!

Crossed post. Glad to read he doesn't do it to your daughters.
It is very fxxked up OP.
Continue to push back.

I think you should point out how creepy and pervy it is.

What a horrible example for your daughters to witness.
Their father completely disrespectful of their mother.
Have a think about what is being modelled here.
Is this what you want for your daughters?

We are only allowed to poo in the downstairs loo. Otherwise he will go on a rant

That’s batshit.

However, back to your original question … of course you both need and have a right to privacy.

You are not prison cellmates.

If he doesn’t have the decency to knock then you need to lock.

Your responses on here really are charming!

Right. Her daughters have a right not to be treated like shit by their father, to have some dignity and privacy, and OP is absolutely and completely in the wrong to be trying to act dismissive now that she's being forced to realise there is a big problem here.

OP might be willing to tolerate being treated like shit by her awful husband, but she does not have the right to make that choice for her daughters.

And she also needs to stick up for herself against her shit husband, so they know this is NOT normal behaviour. Because his behaviour is absolutely not normal, the more she posts.

But he doesn't just 'find it a bit odd' (which presumably wouldn't bother the OP at all). He actively complains and tried to compel the OP to let him in the bathroom despite her not wanting to.

Why on earth do you need to be in and out of the bathroom constantly in a 10-15 minute window?

Unless you have the runs or violent vomiting you absolutely can wait. Millions of us manage with one bathroom while getting ready at the same times. We are a house of 5 and managed for the last 17 years.

Yes, fair enough. To elaborate then I don't think he's unreasonable to have found it a bit odd initially as I would but yes he's unreasonable to not respect it or make any fuss about respecting it.

Yep. And it's not odd in the slightest - not by any stretch of the imagination - to lock the bathroom door when you're in there. Absolutely normal behaviour.

His behaviour though is very very odd indeed.

There was a fairly recent post on here where the OP's partner used to come into the bathroom for a poo every time she went for a bath. It's just another way that some men try and control women and tell them who's boss.

Yep, and OPs family have more than one toilet. I grew up in a family of 5 with one toilet. Maybe twice when my mum was having a bath I had to ask really nicely to run in and use the loo while she was in there, in all the years we lived together as a family. It's just not a thing to have to let people run in and out of the loo while you are in there.

His behaviour is totally abnormal and her daughters are growing up around his coercive behaviour, it's not just this according to OP, which is weird and badly behaved enough - he decides which toilet they can poo in amongst other things.

He sounds like an absolute arse. At best.

I never lock the door neither does my partner. In fact we dont even have a lock on our bathroom door. What if 1 of us in the the shower and the other is bursting for a wee? Are we supposed to just wet ourselves? Why do u need to lock the door anyway? Do u live with a predator or something? I personally think its strange locking the bathroom door in your own property especially if you are in a loving healthy relationship.

I assume you and the girls go for a poo in both toilets?

He doesn’t get to decide this.