How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

[Bloopbloopbleep]

Colleague returned from maternity leave around a year ago.
Sleep deprivation still an issue and regularly at work having not slept. No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep.
Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.
If you were a colleague of this person, how much sympathy would you have and how much would they just annoy you?

So you ezpect half the work completed for the same pay?

And other people have to work harder to make up for those that have children

Keep up and read the whole post

Give over lol
I‘ve got 4 teens at home still, adults kids with 4GDC that I provide childcare for evenings, weekends and early mornings; a sister undergoing chemotherapy and elderly parents one of which who has onset dementia. I’m in full on menopause to boot!

I’ll be buggered if I’m picking up the slack for someone with a new baby who isn’t either tag teaming with her DH, paying for additional help or trooping on through and gritty silence just like the rest of us did!

Jog on love!!

As the parent of a baby who never slept I would have a huge amount of sympathy for you. People who do not have children probably can't understand just how draining it is. You sound like you are doing well considering the circumstances and things will get better x

‘Give over lol’
‘Jog on love!!’

You sound full of intelligence and wit.
You do realise this is a discussion board and not a ‘Lardychops’ monologue board?
Again, I hope you’re colleagues have more sympathy for you in the event that you ever start to struggle.

Same. Give and take.

Employers who understand tend to have a much more loyal workforce so sometimes it's just worth sticking with someone you know is otherwise a good employee and worker. What's the actual point in pretending people aren't people? Why can't colleagues have reciprocal arrangements?

You're doing all that completely in isolation with nobody picking up your slack? I don't believe you. At all.

Unless someone else has to pick up the slack and you’re moaning about all the time - I’d have all the sympathy in the world if you’re going from amazing to average.

If you’re using it as an excuse to do a “below average” job, I’d be annoyed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case?

I went from working extra and unpaid in the evenings/weekends to picking my kid up from nursery at 5.30, as is well within my rights. No one had to step in to do my work, but yes I didn’t go above and beyond anymore, still hitting all my goals.

How harsh of you .
Whilst I understand people need to be able to do their Job, I can also empathise with another human being who is running on empty.
Would you have the same attitude if it were your daughter or son?

I‘m a Senior Social Worker in a very stretched, under staffed, under resourced team - so I can safely say no, nobody is in a position to pick up anyones slack at work.

Sympathy only to a degree. Having children is usually a choice so it doesn't really demand any more sympathy than a heavy night on the tiles.

I would be supportive because I've been there. My younger DS screamed and screamed and screamed for 2 years straight. We would go 3 days with no sleep, and even when he did pass out it was for about 20 minutes. Now he's nearly secondary age and still doesn't sleep much, but at least he doesn't scream all night! He has been diagnosed with autism though.

OP asked for opinions.

I gave mine.

Zero need for anyone to be up in arms about it. 🤷‍♀️🙄

Im thinking I probably phrased this wrong - I guess I wanted to get a handle on how annoying it would be to work with someone in this situation, as im not asking for sympathy or special treatment.

To clarify

• the impact on my work is that im no longer going above and beyond and I am slightly more forgetful than I used to be.
• I am never late and always at my desk first out of the team and work my contracted hours
• I look like boiled shite and am visibly knackered despite putting effort into my appearance
• people often ask after my toddler (i assume because I look terrible and because often theyve made suggestions around sleep and want to see if things have improved) but I wonder if people outside of those conversations think im being annoying for not being able to get my little one to sleep well.

Appreciate all responses on both sides, gives me a flavour of how people might feel.

They don't say whether it is substandard. Maybe it's just standard and before she went the extra mile.

Haven't rtft but my DS was a terrible sleeper. I was a zombie the first couple of years. I'd have nothing but sympathy.
As for it affecting work, a lot of things do. Divorces, ill parents etc. We're not robots. I'd hope colleagues would be understanding. We can't all be top of our game 100% of the time.

Have you, OP, had a child and then had to struggle into work after very little sleep? Do you have any understanding of her situation? It will even out for her once her child sleeps a bit better but until then, she sounds like she is doing fine.
I wonder, OP, if you've hit menopause yet? The awful sleep, the forgetfulness, the brain fog, the low mood, the lack of energy. If you've not gone through that stage yet, when that time comes for you, and you are doing your very best to perform as normal at work, I hope that your colleagues treat you with some support and empathy.

Just focus on meeting your objectives and doing your best without doing all the extra you used to. Work smart, not long hours.

People are at all sorts of stages in their life and are all human, don't hold yourself to higher account than anyone else. I'm a senior director and at menopause and can't remember whether I just made myself a coffee five minutes ago. Other people will come in with hangovers, or having insomnia without it being a child waking them up, or other illness or disability, or having lost a parent or worried about elderly parents or their kids having low attendance at school. We're not robots. And even robots have mechanical breakdowns.

We have a few female staff like that here in the NHS and none of them get any support from their husbands who sleep the night through.
I try and support them as much as possible its really hard work being a mum.

Be kind! Colleagues are human beings and everyone will need support at some time in their lives. You may or may not have a sleep deprivation issue but you never know when you might be facing family illness, bereavement, being the victim of a crime, unfair treatment in the workplace etc.. If you show kindness, you are more likely to get it back from colleagues when you need it yourself.

I have a colleague who is very unsupportive of anyone and any reason someone might not be 100 per cent. She made derogatory comments about a pregnant woman not knowing that I was pregnant on the call.

She's immensely proud of her own team and her performance. She thinks they set the standard the rest of the organisation should aim for.

Thing is, she's a cow. She rules her team with an iron rod, and her meetings are quick and efficient because she doesn't let anyone else talk. They make very outdated decisions which are measurably impeding the progress of the company.

My somewhat rambling point being:

1. just because someone has an opinion doesn't mean it's a valid or kind one anyway
2. performance is subjective

And lastly, your family should be your priority now. Work used to get more of you, but as long as you're competently meeting your brief, that's fine? Sounds like you over performed before.

I know you just gave your opinion which obviously you’re perfectly entitled to do .

I was just pointing out you might think differently if it was one of your own children in this position .
I’m sure you would agree PP you would like for them to be supported by their work colleagues.
We all need to be shown that people do care about us . 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyone who has been a parent or has empathy would surely be sympathetic? I know I would. And if you're not actually dropping any balls or making any mistakes, what's the issue? Someone asking you twice for something - they have to do with me sometimes too and I'm just middle-aged and forgetful!