How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

[Bloopbloopbleep]

Colleague returned from maternity leave around a year ago.
Sleep deprivation still an issue and regularly at work having not slept. No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep.
Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.
If you were a colleague of this person, how much sympathy would you have and how much would they just annoy you?

Pre-kids I’m ashamed to say I’d not have had much sympathy although it wouldn’t have bothered me. After kids, I have a lot and I’d be buying you tea/coffee/chocolate, whatever you vice is!

It wont last forever and I’m sure you’re doing better than you think!

I have line managed people in this situation. I’m empathetic because I remember how it was, but I’d be supportive towards anyone whose personal life is impacting in some way. If performance needs to be addressed it would be approached in a supportive way.

Loads of sympathy.

Does her partner pull his weight?

I would be sympathetic and not annoyed. Just because it’s a common situation being sleep deprived, it doesn’t mean it’s not difficult.

100% sympathy. We're humans first - not robots, and there's very little that goes forgotten/done less well at work that ACTUALLY matters in the grand scheme of things, in most office jobs!

I’d probably offer them a cup of tea.

No SEN???

are you an actual trained doctor who has completed all relevant assessments in full and referred to other specialties for other assessments????????

or just another someone who thinks they know everything with zero training??

let’s assume the latter! 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

SEN may very well have not yet been diagnosed. I got zero sleep with one of my children despite begging for help since he was a baby. He was diagnosed with autism when he was seven. almost eight. He doesn’t sleep.
Thankful I didn’t have to work though, as sounds like I could have worked with unkind busybodies. luckily I had nice people around me in this 8 years.

you’ve honestly got no idea what you’re talking about. AT ALL. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I love that old saying ‘If you can’t be nice, just be quiet’.

Have you thought of getting a different job, so there’s the chance this college could have people working with her who are kind and understanding?!

What's the job? If they were a pilot, I'd be concerned and think "I'm sorry you're tired, but you have a moral responsibility to not endanger other people, just because you need to be paid. You need to get an alternative position sorted in the company short-term".

If they are an office worker, and being tired just meant some reports were late or whatever, I'd have nothing but sympathy. Either way they're going to be tired, whether colleagues get in a mood with them or not, so what's the benefit in being a dick? It's not like the baby is going to think "Mum's even more stressed and anxious, I'll sleep through tonight".

This is also why parental leave should be longer where people want it, imo.

Quite a lot as I have been a sleep deprived new mum, I’d have thought most parents would sympathise?

If she’s doing what she needs to and isn’t making mistakes why are you bothered?

Never been happier thanks!

Eh!?
The reach of the day!
OP was providing context to the situation before somebody queried the possibility of SEN (which happens on every single thread).
Do we now assume every child has SEN unless proven otherwise? What an odd take.

@Bloopbloopbleep I think from what you describe, people are sympathetic and know you are still performing. I would be thinking ‘knackered but still trying to smash it’ or similar. But I’d probably go out of my way to offer to make you a cuppa or something!

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't be sympathetic. Its a temporary situation for you and you absolutely have my sympathy, that's for sure.

My employer also would be supportive and flexible and they would try to support anyone in that kind of situation - and they do, actively. That includes tools people think of as punitive because they're only normally ever used in a punitive way but they CAN be used supportively. There's no reason for employers to just be hard nosed unsympathetic wanks pretending life doesn't happen.

She IS the sleep deprived mum.

So long as I don’t have to do an ounce of extra work, lose any break times, stay later or pick up slack/have my case load impacted on I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
But I’d have zero patience/ would raise it if any of the above was affected.

The reason she said that is that it might influence her colleagues’ perceptions and hence the replies to the question posed. For example, if the child in the scenario had SEN, then posters might say they’d have more patience with their colleague.

That’s depressing. As a human being, I would happily help a colleague if they were struggling. Even if that meant dipping in to 5 minutes of my personal time. I hope others around you are kinder than minding an ‘ounce’ of inconvenience (which would be an exceptionally small amount).

I think it's to be expected that parents of very young children are going to be quite stretched both energy and emotionally wise.
I think it's a ridiculous and harmful for employers to expect the exact same output as pre-children.

The amount of people shouting 'zero-sympathy' is frankly appalling.

I have line managed 4 women who have had 7 babies between them in the last 5 years. They are amazing employees and just needed the time and support to adjust. They have all eventually got back up to speed and have been model employees giving more than ever before.

Don't be harsh on yourself OP and don't listen to the haters. Just keep doing the best by your baby and don't break your neck at work - just keep doing your best but not to the detriment of your own health and well being.

Nothing but sympathy and support having had 3 children who didn't sleep until 3. Having really small children is a small period of time in terms of your career, having a supportive manager and workplace is essential. I was treading water for a while career wise (doing my job but not doing extra to try to progress at that point, I'd just no energy or headspace to) but once I was out of the fog of small children, I could carry on grabbing opportunities and progressing my career.

The days of having 1 parent stay at home to raise children are gone, most people I know have 2 full-time working parents, workplaces need to be supportive both to mums and dads.

I'd be empathetic and sympathetic having been there with two who didn't sleep. I gave up work when ds was 15 months (we went back after six months then). Thankfully, we could afford it. I don't think I had an unbroken night's sleep for 8 years. DD was as bad.

However, if we'd needed my money, DH would have had to step in a couple of nigjts and take the hit as well but he's surgeon/pilot genre so that was never on the table.

I've had staff in similar situations and they have generally muddled through, often going part-time for a period.

It's totally unfair to be arsy with a colleague over this. The colleague's performance is for the line manager to handle.

with regard to the poster, who said sometimes they go to work after 50 hours without sleep. I would question this if they were in a relationship as why are both awake for long periods of time, and why are they not tag teaming sleep- for example a night on a night off or six hours each, etc.
Or could it be that Dad has the oh so-important job, or is just a lazy bastard?

I was night nursing over 30 years,a lot of us found it difficult to sleep in the day. The junior doctors then did a 24 hour shift. Ours was 12.5 with an hour break. Some of the nurses in charge were sympathetic (go put your feet up in the office) some not, sometimes you didn't get a break at all,it was the nature of the job. If you had a quiet period, sitting in a pretty dark ward,it was difficult to stay awake, much easier if you were busy..

That sounds really tough. If you're doing a fair job and just a bit forgetful at times, that's not unreasonable for your colleagues to have to put up with (I'd guess youre still more competent than some of them!) I don't think they need to have sympathy per se, but I also think its rude of them to react to how you look. I hope your little one starts sleeping better soon, or that you can get some help at night

The OP IS 'the colleague'. She probably knows her own child better than you.