How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

[Bloopbloopbleep]

Colleague returned from maternity leave around a year ago.
Sleep deprivation still an issue and regularly at work having not slept. No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep.
Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.
If you were a colleague of this person, how much sympathy would you have and how much would they just annoy you?

I feel for you OP. You're used to going above and beyond, but right now you are having to be just good enough, and that probably hurts you right in the work ethic. But please do not worry! Good enough is perfectly fine right now. All of us have moments where we need to be asked twice for something, and all of us deserve compassion as human animals when we are below par. You are doing great.

So was that post a reverse?

@Bloopbloopbleep inwas you when dd was little. She was 6 before she reliably slept through the night. It nearly killed me. Her dad worked permanent nights ao I literally got no break.

My advice would be do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

Dd and I coslept for years because she needed someone close by her. Google the rabbit book for sleep, it was amazing at helping dd relax.

She is still at almost 13 unable to sleep in silence so she has an alexa and plays white noise (rain storms etc) but as a younger child it had stories that read throughout the night.

Good luck and just be honest with your bosses ... hiding it will make it worse.

Ignore me, I must have missed your second post!

As long as they’re getting the job done fine then that’s ok.

id have a lot of sympathy for them though as sleep deprivation is really shit.

Do you not stop to wonder if the father of the child is similarly impacted ? If not, it would suggest that the woman is carrying the load and expected just to get on with it. Interesting that pregnancy is a protected characteristic, thus ensuring protection from discrimination in the workplace throughout the pregnancy. Parenthood, however, is not, so there is no reasonable adjustment and no protection from bias simply because you’re a parent.

I'd feel annoyed on an insictinctive, unreasonable level but no, not when logic and compassion took its turn. I have a son who just never slept well for various reasons, cmpa, reflux etc, and still doesn't sleep through. My husband and I take turns to be on duty for night wake ups some two years later! We did not expect this pre parenthood 😅

It's just a season of life for some parents and I'm sure if she could get her child to sleep well she would, sleep deprivation is dreadful. Add the burden of feeling her colleagues are annoyed at her because she's operating at a less efficient level than before, when I'm sure she wants to be doing a good job too!

Is your husband also sleep deprived? If not you might benefit from a few nights where you lock yourself away in a room & let him handle childcare.

Some sympathy, my dds were always great sleepers, however I am not! I would say however I'd be amazed if she hadn't slept at all

As long as she's performing as she should, there's no issue from a work point of view

The OP said her child was a toddler so how long do you expect reasonable adjustments to be made? until the child is 18?

I have teenagers and they can be pretty damn stressful too, what about my sympathy?

I’d be very sympathetic, I have two who didn’t sleep through the night for the best part of 7 years, they both have complex needs and at times I’ve been on my knees through lack of sleep. Luckily my employer and colleagues were much more understanding than many on here. My work has been done to a good enough standard, just not to my own standard. I don’t think anyone ever gasped at me looking a bit worn out though.

Just keep doing what you’re doing, explore sleep support, get all the help you can from your DP. He needs to give you time at the weekend to get some sleep - for the good of your health, not to do better at work.

Empathy and sympathy - live is hard. We never know whats going on peoples lives.

Returning to work after long period off - is hard. Give yourself a break. You are not the old you. You will also have grown new skills which you may not have had before.

I have a work collegue who's home life is very difficult and although she isn't the most productive. She is amazing, funny, smart and I will, support, defend her to the ends of the world.

I have sympathy for anyone going through a tough situation. We're humans, not robots, sometimes home life will impact work life and sometimes we all need a little more support or leeway.

Huge sympathy, it is incredibly difficult.
you feel like a crap parent and a crap employee, try your best but feel like you’re failing.
I’d be as supportive as possible.

A lot. I don’t know what ‘no SEN’ has to do with it. Some kids are just poor sleepers. Also the kid may have SEN not diagnosed yet.

She’s not choosing to be sleep deprived. Her life sucks.

It’ll be temporary.

Personally I'd have loads of sympathy for you. As long as you were fulfilling your job to a satisfactory level, I wouldn't criticise you professionally. I think for some women, from mat leave until kids are 2/3/4, you've just got to coast work a bit, meet expectations and get through, then once kids are in school you can start really forging ahead with your career again. Other things to do are maybe see if you can work more flexibly. I worked from 4 to 7.30 this morning as my 2 year old was wide awake, I let her play around me. I might nap later this afternoon to preserve sanity. Also, can you do anything like bed share or have a couple of nights a week in the spare room each (if you're in a relationship) to try and make it a bit less horrific?

Yes of course, I agree- we all deserve empathy and understanding.

I suppose my point is- I dont know of a single person at my work place who isnt dealing with at least one external stressor of some kind. Be it young kids, caring for elderly parents, endometriosis, menopause, chronic but low level health issues, worries about a relative, health tests, unwell partner etc. Being tired at work just seems part of life to me that we have to deal with.

Obviously, sudden serious illnesses or bereavements are different but general life stress and tiredness- yes it really sucks but it's not exactly unusual in the work place. Its quite rare that anyone has zero stress going on in their life at any point.

As I am sort of this person currently, I would hope my colleagues would have some understanding and empathy as they aren’t monsters and have children themselves!

It does get easier the older they get!

I would feel sympathetic (certainly if I liked the colleague anyway, or didn't really know them - if I didn't like them prior to that, I'd struggle - I know that sounds unpleasant but it's true), but I would hope that colleague also had sympathy for people struggling for other reasons. Likewise, I would hope their manager/the company were supportive, but equally, would hope they were also supportive of people with other difficulties in their personal lives that may be making an impact on their work - I've worked places where you only ever received a bit of sympathy or tolerance or flexibility if your reason was because you had children. No consideration of e.g. divorce, close family illness, other caring responsibilities.

Does this person have a partner who is taking on their share of the parenting and sleep issues or are they struggling alone?

I only returned from maternity last year. I don’t have sleep issues as luckily my daughter is a great sleeper but I do feel really self conscious about asking for any adjustments. I’ve spent 15yrs in this job where I could do any shift and say yes to anything asked and I now can’t be quite as accommodating and it’s an adjustment. I’ve found I feel guilty for being away from my daughter and working full time and also feel guilty that I now have a flexible plan and sometimes have to ask for adjustments. My work and colleagues have been lovely though and I think as long as your not demanding anything and are doing your best people are kind. My husband works full time in this industry too. We share the load and he has a flexible plan and will take emergency leave as well when needed which I think helps as my department can see we are being fair with things.

I would have a huge amount of sympathy, I had a daughter who didn’t sleep until she was 5. It didn’t look like she had any SEN turned out she had autism. Sleep deprivation is like torture, so I’d be super nice and bring her a lot of coffee and arrange a little place she could have a lunch time Power Nap if she needed one.

All the sympathy in the world because I am not a cunt (mostly) and my crystal ball is mal functioning. I don't know when they might be picking up my work in the future because I need people to cut me a bit of slack.

I suffer from insomnia - no life circumstances causing it, just a brain that won't shut up sometimes - so I would have every sympathy.

I would wrap support around them as much as I could to allow them to feel cared for. My children were non sleepers and I regularly was regularly running on 2 hours sleep - still managed to get my work done but constantly knackered!