Getting married and not telling anyone?

[Differentusername70]

I've NC for this.

DP and I have been living together for years, no shared children, we are in our 50's and 60's, and we are very happy as we are, balanced with assets and finances and share all that we have. I'm approaching early retirement, he's already retired.

We really ought to get married/ enter into civil partnership to protect our finances, we have wills but we will be exposed to inheritance tax in the event one of us dies.

Getting married with our families in attendance will be a logistical nightmare working around close family members who live overseas and are tied to school holidays, ditto UK relatives who live at the other end of the country and are tied to often different school holidays. My family is huge and we'd usually invite everyone.

It would be 2027 at the earliest before we could even get the close familes together and having already had a cancer diagnosis (me) a few years ago that worries both of us.

We tempted with getting married and telling absolutely nobody. It is literally just to fix the financial position, we don't feel the need to be married. I wouldn't change my name regardless.

We might, possibly have a blessing or similar in the future so the grandchildren can be bridesmaids/ pages and we could tell everyone then.

Has anyone done this? How bad would this be? We know that to work we would have to tell no-one!

We did it for exactly the same reasons. Random witnesses. No fuss or drama. Highly recommend it.

I don’t think I could do this. I think I’d set a date, invite only parents if they are alive, DC, their partners and their DC. Those who can come then that’s good and those who can’t well that’s a shame. I’d explain beforehand it’s a small no fuss wedding with a lunch afterwards. I’d offer to live stream it to those who can’t attend.

Just do it.

The marriage contract is a legal / financial agreement, it's none of anyone else's business.

Just have the basic registry office procedure and tell no one. Or v low key and tell your respective Dc.

My friend's ex died last year and her children were upset to find out that he was married to his partner as he hadn't told them. It made a difficult situation so much worse and the children are now no contact with their step mum and step siblings.

Don't tell 'em (Pike).

Absolutely do this, people won’t care and tough if they do. Have a do later if you want, dont if you don’t want.

Be aware that if you die on the day before your wedding your estate would go to your own children. As soon as you’re married, if you die your estate would probably all go to your husband (unless you’re really rich). Worst case scenario you are driving home from the ceremony and crash and you die before him - his kids get all your money and your kids get none. Even if you made a will before getting married, it’s doesn’t count after you marry. If it were me I would get legal advice to make sure my kids inheritance is protected.

@Theolittle Even if you made a will before getting married, it’s doesn’t count after you marry.

Not if you state it's being made in anticipation of your marriage or partnership to xxxxx on yÿyyy date

You might be right but it needs planning for to protect your kids inheritance, it’s not straightforward

My sister did this after many years together and didn’t actually get round to telling me until she came to stay many months later. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, we are all old enough and wise enough not to need all the wedding palaver.

Do it and don’t even tell anyone after!! We went to Gretna Green, still had a nice dress, did my own hair and makeup .couple of witnesses out doing their shopping jumped in. Boom. Home, changed, headed to pub, did CPR on a man lying collapsed on the street on the way. Fab day!!

Blimey! That was some day, well done you 👏

my dad & step mum got married this year for inheritance tax reasons, they have been together for 40 years. They had a very small ceremony (as it was cheaper) with just 2 witnesses, my sister and my adult son. We all then went for a meal with the grandchildren ect. Even though I didn’t go to the ceremony I would have been really hurt to not know or be in involved at all.

My best friend did this.
Got married abroad. Their witnesses were people they met on the plane there.
Said it was far less hassle than all the politics you get from all the family when you enounce an engagement.

Do it girl 💕

My friends mum did this, she was upset.

But if they’d never told you, you wouldn’t have been hurt.

I did it. My mum was upset.

Just do it! Treat is as a day-out for the two of you. No one needs to know that you’re married, that’s your business. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, as they say!

OP
You don't need to get married.

You can have a will. Shared bank accounts. Power of Attorneys done. House deeds changed to both names if it's only in one name.

There is absolutely no.nerd to get married or have a civil partnership.

You should not go ahead for those reasons.

We got married with only 2 close people knowing as they were witnesses. A month later we had a party at a local village hall just family and friends buffet, music. They all thought they were coming to an engagement until hubby announced actually your not here for an engagement we got married 28 days ago. Had a lovely evening and worked for us

It does if it is made close to the wedding and is worded accordingly/ specifically saying it is in anticipation of marriage (check the exact wording with a solicitor obviously).

We did this for exactly the same reasons. Only us, our 6month old DD, and two close friends as witnesses. So happy we did it that way. DH’s family were totally fine when they found out and happy for us.. My mum was ok. My dad was a bit upset but he got over it! 😊

But it’s far easier to get married than to try to replicate the legal effects of marriage.

I think one of the greatest things you can do for the person you love is make life slightly easier for them at the worst of times, which is when their spouse dies.

If you are married, your heirs benefit from two inheritance tax free allowances.

This is love and it is romantic.

Just nip out and get it done. My parents went and witnessed their long term friends (and near neighbours) going to the town hall and getting married. Sadly one of them was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer the following year and passed away within months.

Just do it. It’s your day, nobody else’s.