To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

Meant weird doesn’t have to pay the excess

My daughter skidded her car on the ice the other week, thankfully the ABS brakes cut in and no car was damaged. I think I would help her out in this situation as they are still learning and it was possibly a bit of a shock at the time,
I also think the other person has a damaged car which needs to be fixed, its either through the insurance which will spike her insurance up next year or if he other driver is only asking £600 you pay it and deal with her later.

Can she prove that, because she’s an incredibly unreliable witness if in 3 months someone says the were sat in the car and the insurer now knows your daughter to be a person to lie by omission as she didn’t report the accident at the time…

I agree that you shouldn't piss around with insurance companies. Many years ago I was hit by a car pulling out of a side road, it dented my nearside rear wing quite badly. The middle-aged bloke in the car said he didn't want to go through insurance so could I get a few quotes and he'd pay. I did and phoned him with them and he said there was no way he could afford that so he'd have to go through insurance after all. When he rang them, apparently they said he'd left it too late and they wouldn't cover it (and presumably put his premium up as well).

Anyway, he had a rant at me - I was a lot younger, nowadays I'd just say 'hang on, who's actually responsible for all this fucking mess?'. But he did at least pay up. If he'd refused to pay I don't know what I'd have done because I'd also actually not informed my insurance company to help him out.

So now I'd do it through insurance every time.

Or borrow off her Mum, pay her back, with interest and avoid paying out 100s in extra premiums...

You re making out like she drove like an idiot with no regard for anyone, sliding on ice is not her fault, other than she walk (and go ass over tit like my DD did on black ice) and end up in AE, off work for 2 weeks with concussion, you 'd probably blame her that too 😂

But if he hadn't, you would have been fucked. And had you just gone through insurance, you wouldn't have had to deal with him. (I know you know this!)

She needs to go through the insurance, OP. I don't think the hit to the no claims bonus/premiums will even be that much for such a young driver and a £400 excess.

In which case if you bail her out she will never learn.

I would tell her you don't have that sort if cash so she will need to pay herself or sell something to cover the cost. Perhaps she has a phone that is expensive that she could sell then get a cheap phone until she can save up again? I would even suggest that she sells her car just to make her realise she can't spend her life sponging and to gauge her reaction.

Learning to manage money is so important.

If she genuinely can't do any of the above I would tell her that you can withdraw money from your ISA but you will then lose the interest on that £600 so she will need to pay it back £660 and at £100 a week.

Or borrow off her Mum, pay her back, with interest and avoid paying out 100s in extra premiums...

But the OP knows her DD better than us and clearly thinks that that won't happen.

It’s not weird at all, the excess is for repairs to your vehicle and it by far the norm, of course there will be exceptions to this but ordinarily that is the case. Have you got car insurance?

YANBU

She can go to her insurer. If she doesnt have the money, she can go make it, do overtime at work, sell some of her crap on vinted, whatever it takes

There are so many spoilt brats who rely on mummy and daddy to buy them a new car when they crash theirs. Good on you for not allowing your daughter to become one of them

But if he hadn't, you would have been fucked. And had you just gone through insurance, you wouldn't have had to deal with him. (I know you know this!)

Oh yes, it taught me a valuable lesson!

Why are so many people apparently content to invalidate their insurance by not telling their insurance company they’ve had an accident ?

Clipped from the website of the Association of British Insurers (my bold)

Phone your insurer as soon as possible. You will need to inform them of the accident during the time period set out on your policy, which can be anything from two days to two weeks. Otherwise you risk your policy becoming invalid.

Inform your insurance company about all accidents, even if you don’t want to make a claim.

If the accident involved another driver, you will need to provide your insurance company with:
Their name, address and contact details
Their vehicle registration number
Their insurance details

Her father has told her not to go through insurance and actually argue the price down of the quote for the private repair!
He also says as the incident happened on private land (she’s an independent college) that changes things legally.

I honestly despair

I know what you meant. It isn’t weird - it’s logical, because it means that people can’t drive (legally) and then claim that they can’t afford to pay for damage they caused.

Excess is usually part of the cover for the damage you cause to your own vehicle. If insurers did not add excess to claims, drivers could be forever claiming for every scratch and dent in their car. And also, if an accident claim goes to court, the driver is much more likely to cooperate and support the claim if some of their own money is involved. They are less likely to give a dam if the claim is all about their insurance company’s money.

So again, is she making any contribution to the household from these "good wages"?

i'm aware a lot of parents don't ask for this, saying they want to support their DCs in saving "for a place of their own" or whatever, but that hardly applies here since your DD isn't saving at all

They're scared of higher premiums or losing a no claims bonus.

I haven't had to make a claim for about 15 years, but I do seem to recall that the hit really wasn't that terrible. I appreciate there are a lot of factors at play, but still.

But this is what insurance is for. Not having to scrabble around finding the money and not having to worry about getting ripped off or done over by a cowboy mechanic or false claim. It's protection. Use it!

Course I’ve got car insurance. What a silly question to ask

dh had to pay his excess when hit a car but he didn’t do damage to his van

Her father has told her not to go through insurance and actually argue the price down of the quote for the private repair!
He also says as the incident happened on private land (she’s an independent college) that changes things legally.
I honestly despair

I'd let them sort it out between them tbh (and refuse to pay half of the insurance when it renews).

Your husband has increased the likelihood that the other car owner will report the accident and damage to their insurance if she follows his advice.

It's time for her to be paying all insurance on her car.

Yes, I’m going to back right out…it can be on him if there is any fallout.
i will also stop paying half the insurance.

Tell her that's bullshit, pull up links if you have to, and explain to her that she will have no protection if the garage does a terrible job or the other driver tries to mess her around and it could likely end up costing far more. If she goes through insurance, they will sort out everything, she never has to deal with the other driver, she just pays the excess (presumably) and that's the end of it. No further stress. Perhaps tell her that if she doesn't use insurance, you will not contribute to the premiums when the policy renews.

If she insists on being an idiot after that then there's nothing you can do.

Despite what people on here say about the ‘correct’ way of doing things, claiming on insurance for only six hundred quid would be madness. At 18 it would cost thousands in excess and increased premiums for years.
Any sensible and honourable person would immediately pay for the damage and shut up.
So someone has to lend her the money. With a repayment schedule. This is called education. Kids are daft and need to learn.

ive tried talking to her - she doesn’t want to hear it, ironically probably
partly through fear of dealing with authorities.

What I need is a list of bullet points I can send her to explain why she should go
down the insurance route, taking all the emotion out of it. It’s got to be worth
a go, can anyone help me draft some
points an 18 year old can take on board?!

Yeah, sorry, it was more of a rhetorical question. 😉 I realise about the perception of increase in premiums and loss of NCB.

The problem is that’s not only partially a false premise but not taking responsibility for their actions which potentially could bite them on the bum. They could find themselves backlisted not just by their current insurance company but refused by others in the future. Insurance companies work very closely together to prevent fraud etc. Nobody likes a liar and there are consequences.

The private land thing is of course rubbish.

But the other owner is also disincentivised from reporting a small accident. No fault claims do NOT mean no cost. Their premiums may also increase. The insurers look at it like this person parks in an area where they are likely to get hit by others (many of whom drive off, meaning they pay for the repairs) therefore the risk exposure is increased.

I haven’t RTFT, but the father sounds sensible.

Considering the OP says when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car. there isn’t much window left to inform the insurers without any consequences.