Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

My parents would baby sit for us for free but I don’t think it’s OTT. Your husband wanted to thank and spoil his parents. Why not!! I do spoil my parents (as they have spoiled me)! So they would have had that and then some!

So this is what I do with my parents now they babysit. If we go out for a meal together or they come on a day out, I'll pay for lunch / dinner. They'll usually buy me a coffee at some point too.
There's no paying them each time they babysit, that would be a fortune! But as a thank you I do cover the bill when we're together as it were. We used to offer to pay for a takeaway if they were at ours but they pretty much always have her at theirs now.

I'd just make light of it next time you ask them to babysit but at same time setting expectations 'Im afraid we wont be rolling out the red carpet everytime for babysitting but youre welcome to anything in the fridge and we'll buy you dinner next time we go out together'

I mean if you're already paying for dinner anyway you may as well highlight this can go towards babysitting

As a grandparent, I wouldn’t have accepted the wine or the takeaway. I’d have taken the flowers only because they can’t be returned. However, if mine did that, I’d have a cellar of wine and be fat as a pig as I babysit regularly. I fo hope they don’t expect this every time

Its a nice gesture but if I were the inlaws i would ask kindly not to buy anythng next time as I dont want paying with gifts to look after my grandchildren.

Really over the top. I do however think treating them to a takeaway or a bottle of wine is lovely . We get nothing when we babysit not that we expect anything but we always take our own food or nip to the chip shop and our son and dil are really well off so it’s not a money thing maybe they just don’t think

Thank you for all the comments everyone !! Just to be really clear, I definitely don’t blame my ILs for accepting what we offered - im just a little annoyed with DH!

I’m going to leave it for now with him but definitely will put my foot down next time !! I imagine the babysitting will switch to sleepovers at the Grandparents soon anyway so hopefully won’t become a major issue.

I will always have food for a babysitter if they come over before dinner, but in your case next time you talk about going out and he suggests his parents you say we can’t go out then, because we can’t afford a takeaway and flowers and bottle of wine as well as going out so do we cancel the evening or ask my parents or can you change the expectations with yours. We can certainly leave a meal.

This.
Your in laws didn’t ask for anything.
Grandparents only need a thank you, said one respondent. That may well be true but what a dismissive attitude.

I sense that this is only part of the issue with them?
life is short let him spoil them if it’s ok financially of course ? … also are there other issues that have made this grate on you even more ?

looking after my grandson is a gift - its precious. I don't want or need a take away, wine or flowers - its my pleasure to look after my grandson whilst his dad ( single dad) is being himself and not DAD for one or two nights. I am looking after my GS in Feb for nearly a week, I have plans of what we will do - spending time with him is a gift no take away wine or flowers can compare to.

You can ask me to babysit anytime!

That is absolutely ridiculous. I’m lucky to get a cup of tea when I’m expected to babysit any of my DGC.

This.
I regularly babysit for my son & DIL young grandchildren. They are generous with birthday & Christmas gifts but I would never expect them to pay me for helping to look after my own family.

Sounds Like your DH is trying to seek their approval OP….doesn’t come readily from them?

Very generous of him and if he can afford it lovely to spoil his parents but I’d say none of that is normal for grandparent babysitting. One of the items would have been a nice touch.

Not necessary at all

My in laws used to have ours kids all the time and over night, I don’t think it occurred to use to give them anything as that’s what grandparents do. When I become a grandparent I would be embarrassed to accept anything from my kids for looking after them. Maybe if it was a week or something but not for a short period.

Dinner to heat up or takeaway is plenty.

I hope you enjoyed your night out x

I'm not talking about the OP, where we can agree the spending is excessive, but people falling over themselves saying they don't buy anything, at all ever - or don't receive anything, at all ever for babysittng. I wouldn't treat my parents like a comodity!

It’s overkill , I think leaving them a nice M&S easy ready meal or something homemade to heat up plus make sure you have enough tea or whatever drink they like in the fridge.
Eg I like good camomile tea in the evening and DH likes nice ginger beer .
My parents and in laws never really babysat my 3 .
We had to get babysitters .
I’d happily babysit my grandchild and while I’d like something nice left to eat for my dinner I’d not expect it .

I'm a granny who babysits, I'm lucky to get the TV remote! Actually I do sometimes have a meal there when DD feeds the children, but I wouldn't expect anything else. All the performance might be a bit OTT and put them off doing it again, they probably wouldn't want you to do all that.

Very OTT we love looking after my little Granddaughter (sons baby ). We do it for free.

Thinking more about this, surely helping within the family is ‘just what happens’.

We all need help at times.

My adult son has helped me with choosing a car, another shared his photography skills, one shared an online discount code with me for ordering trees and plants.

If I give, I can ask, if they give, they can ask, in a very informal way.
Isn’t that how family and friends support each other?

I’d have done it for the bottle of wine🤣

crikey! When my mum babysat I bought her a chocolate bar or bag of wine gums and thanked her very much.
That is OTT & bit much!