Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

Ahh you sound like my parents - I think this is why I was so shocked tbh as it’s just the polar opposite to the way my family do it !

Take away is a nice gesture.

The wine would be a no from me as I wouldn’t want anyone to be drinking while looking after my one year old.

The flowers are very OTT.

Ridiculous. My DH does the same thing! He tips crazy money, I had to have a word when we were in the US as he was almost adding the bill again for every server… Not a clue!

Also, before when we’ve had something mates rates (which I also do with my business) he gives them loads anyway… Mate asks for £20, item worth £35/£40. DH gives them £50!

Did his parents ask for takeaway and wine?

Could have easily just left some menu's so they could order themselves and cheaper bottle of wine

YABU. I just bought my mum a 1.5k set of pans she really wanted as a birthday gift /thank you for how much she does for me. DH would never spend so much on his own parents. It's not my business. And it's not his business how I wish to treat my parents.

Your DH is being nice. We get a lot of help from grandparents but i don't take it for granted. I buy lots of gifts and treats. I love them, they raised me, and are now helping to raise my son.

It does feel a bit OTT. Takeaway is a nice gesture, but wine is a definite no (I wouldn't want someone drinking when in charge of my children!) and flowers really unnecessary.

Is there something going on with your DH around his parents and money? It sounds like he feels the need to prove something / impress / compete / make a point?

A takeaway would have been a nice touch. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone babysitting my 1yo to drink a bottle of wine however expensive, and the flowers were very OTT.

No, DH offered the takeaway when we were organizing the dates & also left them the wine.

I’m definitely not blaming ILs for accepting what we offered but just wanted to gage if this was a bit OTT as it meant we spent an absolute fortune in the end and money is quite tight at the moment

Well tell your DH you can't afford having his parents over to babysit anymore. It's ridiculous.

Like everyone else I think he has been OTT. Laugh about it as a one-off but he shouldn't plan to do it again. Any one gift would have been more than sufficient, although I also wouldn't drink when babysitting (nor would my DH who likes a bevy). I would be embarrassed if I was the grandparents and it means you can't afford to go out as often.

I would actually be furious if my child did any of that for me babysitting!

I don’t need takeaways, wine or flowers to look after my own DGC on the odd occasion.

I’d be saying, if you do that again I won’t be able to babysit because I can’t allow that much money to be spent on me.

Totally OTT

The food and wine should be standard IMO but the flowers is def OTT.

I am sure that it was meant with the best of intentions and your il's aren't at fault.
Perhaps have a chat with your husband re future babysitting

Yeah this is weird, way over the top.

I agree with @BlanketyBlankBlank

Love having DGC sleep over at our house. Got them coming this Saturday, can't wait. Would be furious if DD and SIL did all that

Normal wine and a takeaway is proportionate, perhaps a supermarket bunch of flowers but no more

Totally OTT I often babysit my grandchildren and have 3 of them after preschool and school 3 days a week, I do it because I love spending time with them and I like to help my children out. I’ve even been known to pay fir their night out if I think things are particularly stressed and money tight.

a takeaway would have been more than enough, they chose to come early, would have been better they arrive later and eat before hand. But that said i find it easier if I’m there to put the children to bed so if they wake up it’s not a shock mum and dad are out.

Seems really OTT. I babysat for a friends DC at that age for nothing. I wouldn’t expect anything more than tea/coffee and some nibbles. I’d have given the grandparents more if they had DC for a weekend!

I always feed my parents if they babysit but don't buy expensive wine or flowers

OP, your husband is OTT.
We always take our own food when we babysit our grandchildren, although we are often offered a take away. In common with most grandparents, we don’t require any thank you. We just like seeing our grandchildren.
If we eat out with our children and grandchildren then we pay. We do not have mortgages or young children to fund. Speaking to my friends, I think this is normal.

I don’t drink wine when babysitting in case there is an emergency.

Yes this is the norm with my friends and family too.

Re drinking the bottle of wine - I don’t drink myself so it’s not reallr something I’ve given much thought too tbh ! MIL drove home so I presume she only had 1 glass

I’d never pay a grandparent to spend time with their grandchild. They can always say no. I would offer to buy in food for them (no takeaways where we live), but even that seems a bit OTT as most adults can go a few hours without eating and know how to source snacks for themselves, but yes, I’d offer. The rest is too much. But maybe as an initial go, fine and shows gratitude. But not again.

I wouldn’t want my babysitter drinking a bottle of wine though! Once MIL had a few drinks babysitting ours, ended up forgetting to put them to bed, dd messaged us to say toddler ds fell asleep fully clothed on the floor in her room at 11pm and she had to put him to bed herself because granny was drunk. 😳 Granny hasn’t babysat again.

Far OTT. Any one of those gestures is more than enough.

Alcohol and babysitting should not mix though.