Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

@Slebs the grandparents only babysat for 4-5 hours, and only that long as they wanted to give baby his tea and bath him. £250 would be OTT to pay a professional babysitter for 4-5 hours.

The takeaway I think is reasonable as they came round early, so you should feed them. Wine doesn’t have to cost £30 so that’s DHs fault.

I don’t think it was the GP’s fault. Firstly it’s hard to turn down flowers once they’ve arrived - they would have been wasted. I’m sure they had no idea how much the wine was. And they needed to eat so accepted to takeaway.

I would have said ‘thanks for the flowers but really no need next time’.

I babysit my grand babies sometimes, I get paid with love ❤️ 😍

Anyone that's ever come over to help my partner and I gets full access to our fridge, but no one has ever taken us up on it. My MIL only ever made herself cups of tea in our house, and would get her own food from Co-op before she arrived! Wine and flowers, not a chance, and I know she'd laugh and say "what's this, love?" if we ever had provided those for her.

Providing a meal for family babysitters is totally normal I think - usually either a ready meal or a takeaway. We're a "there's always wine in the fridge" family so yes, there would be no issue with said family helping themselves to a couple of glasses or a beer (ditto our oprevious nanny when she babysat was always offered a glass of wine) but we certainly wouldn't be buying anything special. Flowers is completely OTT.

London prices, darling! We don't live there, so who knows. They came recommended and I'd rather pay that than pick someone at random because they're cheaper. It wasn't much longer than the OP had out either. We offered room service but they didn't use it, so could have been more!

They only other time we used a babysitter was DS's keyworker from nursery and that was £60 for 3 hours (another work do but local), left £20 for a takeaway and bought in loads of snacks and soft drinks for them. Didn't send flowers. Hoped they'd do it again if it went well, which it did, but she got pregnant not long after and that was that!

On the hunt for someone else, but it's likely we'll just wait until sleepovers are a thing (so just another 6 or 7 years probably!) Like I said, treasure GPs who babysit, it's a whole world of worry taken away if they're happy to. Worth a few quid and a bunch of flowers in my book.

I would never have such a transactional relationship with my DC and DGC!

I’d be fuming if DS2 spent that on us when we babysit. We sort ourselves out and think it’s an absolute privilege to spend time with DGS.

I don't think about how much grandchildcare we've done over the years and are still doing school pickups, cooking meals and the odd sleepover and certainly wouldn't expect anything ( though we do get nice birthday/ Christmas gifts). We do it to help our adult children. A bottle of wine not a good idea when left in charge.

The transactions were with paid babysitters. I'm pointing out how lucky you are if you have GPs who can and will babysit. I wouldn't stew over my DH sending flowers to MIL if I were the OP, precisely because I know what it's like to not have that relationship to turn to. Be happy they are happy to do it because it's incredibly hard, expensive and stressful to arrange going out if you don't.

Your DH is a nice man. Too nice perhaps?

Wow! I've never expected (or would accept) anything for looking after my grandchildren. They're my grandchildren! My kids would make sure there was bread in to make some toast, or biscuits, and milk for coffee, but they'd have that in anyway.

I think the takeaway would have been enough. When I watch my DD, s if I don't bring anything with me they always offer, plenty booze too, which I don't bother with. Her 3 are usually in bed so I crack on with their ironing while watching the channels on their TV that I don't have!!. I love it.

I wouldn’t stew over the DH, but it would make me think very badly of the GP if they didn’t voice loudly that the amount they were gifted was not necessary and should never be repeated.

Providing dinner and saying help yourselves to drinks etc (including wine although I don’t think I would drink while in charge of grandchild).. but to buy a special bottle of wine and flowers is OTT. I would refuse any further nights out with them babysitting on the basis you can’t afford it.

Hence expect

Not when it presumably comes out of the family budget

As you have in presuming it comes out of a family budget.

Really ridiculous. My parents would be quite embarrassed by that i think.

I think it was the addition of the flowers that made it OTT. And maybe the cost of the wine.

A takeaway and a “normal” bottle of wine seem more standard - or even the takeaway on its only, or at a pinch the takeaway plus flowers.

All of it together is OTT and makes me wonder about his relationship with his parents . He might have just wanted to do something nice for them, or there might be an odd dynamic.

Unless they were massively reluctant to do it and he had to beg then that is hugely excessive!

this and the fact that your dh pays for them when you go out suggests to me an awkward dynamic between your dh and his parents - perhaps he is not used to his parents doing much for him growing up, so babysitting seemed massive for him. therefore he felt the need to ‘reward’ them disproportionately for it.

I wouldn't do any of that. I'd just make sure I wasn't overburdening them by asking too frequently and be thankful. I imagine one day they'll be old and I'll be helping them out in their old age. In my mind families just help each other out.

I think I feel sorry for your DH that he feels this is how he is expected to behave towards his parents . Or he is flash git playing a role he can’t finance.

They would probably have been very happy to babysit. I know that I am happy to babysit and just help myself to tea or coffee. They were probably embarrassed by your generosity.

I’m happy to babysit my grandchildren and either eat before or have the same food as the children if I’m with them at that time.
I wouldn’t really want a takeaway when Im babysitting unless it’s with older gc who are also eating it. I think it’s now quite small and overpriced and I would be happy with a supermarket pizza and some salad.
Deffo no to the wine especially if driving home as it makes me 💤
No need for flowers deffo OTT.

Does his sister pay them £££ for the 4 days childminding? Mind boggling!