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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

231 replies

Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 13:35

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 19/01/2026 22:49

The flowers were definitely OTT. I think the takeaway was plenty.

Gowlett · 20/01/2026 00:25

The annoying thing about this is that the DH will spend, not thinking, when money is tight. Then when the bills roll in… Mine has no sense when it comes to money. It’s there, until it’s not…

takingthepissoutofme · 20/01/2026 07:24

SignetRing · 19/01/2026 16:43

And @user1492757084
Do you never drink at home when your DC’s are in bed? I really can’t see an issue with leaving some wine (apart from the extravagance).

To the OP, as a grandparent, yes I would find that too much. I wouldn’t expect anything, a takeaway would be lovely, some food left but not expected.

I paid my DP’s as our childcare but not if they babysat during the evening. This was just family help.

Edited
Show quote history

I never drink when I babysit my grandchildren. More the fact that if one of them take ill or something. I do drink at home when my DCs are in bed but they are 26, 21 and 16 😂

notthatoldchestnut · 20/01/2026 07:26

Far too OTT! Sounds like your husband got a bit Carried away on the gratitude front

SignetRing · 20/01/2026 09:16

takingthepissoutofme · 20/01/2026 07:24

I never drink when I babysit my grandchildren. More the fact that if one of them take ill or something. I do drink at home when my DCs are in bed but they are 26, 21 and 16 😂

Show quote history

I was comparing this with the number of parents who have a drink at home when their DCs are in bed, I’m sure many do. Is it regular that one parent needs to keep off the alcohol in case a child is ill?

I couldn’t see how parents drinking at home was different from grandparents having a drink whilst babysitting (driving excepted).

OneCleverEagle · 20/01/2026 12:26

SignetRing · 20/01/2026 09:16

I was comparing this with the number of parents who have a drink at home when their DCs are in bed, I’m sure many do. Is it regular that one parent needs to keep off the alcohol in case a child is ill?

I couldn’t see how parents drinking at home was different from grandparents having a drink whilst babysitting (driving excepted).

Show quote history

When I became a single parent of 2 DCs (9 and 11) I stopped drinking altogether as I realised that they were dependent on me 24/7 and I would hate to be in a situation where one of them needed me in an emergency and I wasn't 100% available. Certainly not saying everyone should do that but that was my choice.

MsJinks · 20/01/2026 16:42

takingthepissoutofme · 20/01/2026 07:24

I never drink when I babysit my grandchildren. More the fact that if one of them take ill or something. I do drink at home when my DCs are in bed but they are 26, 21 and 16 😂

Show quote history

I just feel hugely more responsible for the grandkids than I ever did for my kids for some reason - though they all know I like them more too 🤣

pottylolly · 20/01/2026 16:59

He knows his parents best and probably wanted to spoil them a little. It’s a different dynamic to your family because he’s a son and you’re a daughter so, emotionally, your family is closer as you probably share all the little things with them that you might not share with your mil. But sons often aren’t taught to be emotionally open & compensate with gifts instead.

The only way to stop this dead is for you to take on the communication side of the relationship with your mil & start making time for regular calls or visits where she feels involved and useful. Essentially build a relationship with her that’s seperate from your husband’s.

Missingpop · 20/01/2026 17:52

I’d pay my daughter to bugger off out so I can look after my grandson 😂😂😂

Laura95167 · 20/01/2026 17:55

Id have bought the take away and left a £8 bottle of wine.

dcthatsme · 20/01/2026 18:02

OTT and that will put you off asking them in future. Some nice food or wine is lovely but bouquet as though they'd done you the most massive favour is excessive.

Pessismistic · 20/01/2026 18:12

This is definitely a dh problem imagine if you did this every time someone looked after your dc just say in future. we should not have to spend all that money on gp who want to look after dc also 30 quid for wine for someone taking care of a child why would you encourage them to drink there not teenagers. Tell your dh this can’t carry on or you will do same for dp.

Brightonkebab · 20/01/2026 18:20

sad to read how many people are expected to babysit without even a small token of appreciation every now and then. I wouldn't treat my parents doing me a favour like that.

independentfriend · 20/01/2026 18:26

I wouldn't leave wine out for someone babysitting - you want them to be able to care for the child / be safe to drive somewhere etc. I think caring for someone else's child is different to caring for your own re getting drunk. Give wine as a going home present if you want to give wine.

Takeaway + wine + flowers is overkill.

Feeding babysitters who can't leave the house is important but doesn't have to be a takeaway.

WincyWince · 20/01/2026 18:34

It’s over the top.

Half the reason grandparents are there is because they want to do this stuff (hence them arriving early to do the bedtime routine). And they want you to be gone so they can look after the children themselves!

I’d let it slide as a one-off.

WincyWince · 20/01/2026 18:35

Brightonkebab · 20/01/2026 18:20

sad to read how many people are expected to babysit without even a small token of appreciation every now and then. I wouldn't treat my parents doing me a favour like that.

The wine alone is £30

Letskeepcalm · 20/01/2026 18:40

We usually have grandchildren over night at our house and also do childcare through the week. We don't receive anything. But we don't expect it. I think its more important that you show your appreciation in other ways, maybe inbiting us for Sunday lunch occasionally. We do a lot for our children and grandchildren and I'd like tp think that we could ask them for help if we needed it. It should be a two way thing.

I would be embarrassed to receive a takeaway, wine and flowers tbh.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/01/2026 18:45

The flowers were far far far too much !

A take away was plenty ! esp considering THEY chose to come early for bath time etc.

No wine, they were supposed to be ' working ' / on duty, did they drink it ? who would have driven to the hospital if an emergency arose ?

Partypants83 · 20/01/2026 18:52

That's v ott.
Our kids leave us/offer us a ready meal with beer and wine in the fridge if we want it and that is lovely.

Cherrytree86 · 20/01/2026 18:56

RollOnSunshine · 19/01/2026 14:47

Far OTT. Any one of those gestures is more than enough.

Alcohol and babysitting should not mix though.

Edited

@RollOnSunshine

It was ONE bottle of wine. Between two people. It’s fine

LouiseK93 · 20/01/2026 19:01

This will have to be topped every time they babysit now, start saving! Lol

CandiedPrincess · 20/01/2026 19:04

Flowers - too OTT but I often get my in-laws or other family members a takeaway and some wine if they are babysitting so that doesn't seem unusual to me.

Livelovebehappy · 20/01/2026 19:12

Hope youre not putting the blame at the inlaws door? They didn't ask. You need to discuss with your dh. It was his decision.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/01/2026 19:19

😂 yes very OTT, surely the point of grandparents is free babysitting and they get the pleasure of spending time with their grandchildren 😉😂

Your dh is nuts imo, I’d be really annoyed with him especially as money is tight, do you think he wants his parents to think he’s richer than he is?!

hadenoughofsnowflakes · 20/01/2026 19:21

Oh my goodness - that’s soooo much. I am looking forward to being a grandma, leaving work and looking after the little ones as much as is needed so my daughter and son in law can continue with their careers and work as much as they want and still enjoy their babies. I genuinely won’t expect anything for that, as I’m sure they didn’t - It was a lovely gesture tho x