Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

Definitely OTT…….when I babysat for my DGC I used to do my DD’s ironing ……wouldn’t dream of accepting any form of recompense. 😇

I don’t expect anything to babysit my grandchildren but my daughter will do us spaghetti bolognaise or a pizza to eat so I don’t have to prepare a meal. They do live over an hour away wheras the mother in-law lives 5 minutes away. However they have told her they will only babysit occasionally. I had nobody to babysit my children as my mother died before they were born so I am happy to babysit whenever my daughter asks.

I think you need to provide dinner (doesn’t need to be a takeaway though) and a bottle of wine is a nice touch. Flowers not necessary IMO.

I wouldn’t be wanting both GP’s drinking wine while looking after DC - I hope they took it home to drink later. My parents would have ordered their own takeaway and would not have expected payment.

The take away was reasonable.
Leaving food is usual.

The flowers - sweet if picked from the garden, otherwise - OTT.

Leaving wine was completely bonkers.
Anyone looking after children should not be drinking alcohol.

It would annoy me, but it’s your husband I’d be annoyed at as it’s him disregarding your financial situation to flash the cash unnecessarily. They didn’t ask

Does your husband push the boat out for your birthday, valentine's day and mother's day too?

And @user1492757084
Do you never drink at home when your DC’s are in bed? I really can’t see an issue with leaving some wine (apart from the extravagance).

To the OP, as a grandparent, yes I would find that too much. I wouldn’t expect anything, a takeaway would be lovely, some food left but not expected.

I paid my DP’s as our childcare but not if they babysat during the evening. This was just family help.

I wouldn't be furious exactly, but I'd definitely tell them not to do that again, and that I babysit to save them money, not cost them money.

I expect the OP uses money from it on things they want to buy too.

Very OTT. I’d have said thanks and left some biscuits out 🤭

And both are equally extreme imo. There's a middle ground between your husband's extravagant thanks, and grandparents acting like they need to pay for the privilege of doing you a favour. Both are unnecessary and a bit fawning. They do you a favour, you give them a little gesture of thanks in return.

Flowers were way OTT, same as the 30 pounds wine (specially considering they're much more wealthy). Nice food in the fridge and a sweet thank you is more than suffice.

I agree i would be worried about the precedent.

I would leave dinner and (cheapish !) Wine !

Not OTT. Sometimes it's just nice to get things anyway and it's lovely that you expressed your thanks. It's refreshing on here to see people not take others for granted, which is often (rightly) moaned about. Probably bankrupt yourself if do it every time though!

Massively over the top on my opinion. A bottle of wine was a nice touch (£8) or a box of chocolates to eat whilst you were out.
But to send flowers afterwards was definitely not necessary.

Agree. Very mean of his parents not to foot the bill if there are better off.

Based on this I’m not convinced the reality is not he wants to pay and not they sit there with their hand out as the op is playing it.

Yeah OTT from DH.

I would have left a Charlie Bingham meal and a bottle of wine (but not a £30 one).

Flowers were so over the top! Must have all cost about £100. A babysitter would have been cheaper..

Totally ott

As most posters are saying it’s very OTT. My parents babysit at theirs or have children overnight but we don’t take advantage about it. They actually LIKE having them and spending time with then and they are happy also knowing I’m getting a short break. I say thank you to them and on occasion get my mum a bunch of (cheap) flowers she liked (she says delivered flowers are overpriced so wouldn’t want me spending lots of flowers). They usual my have them at their own home so no need to provide food.

Your DH has been very OTT especially as it seems things are tight. I’m wondering if he’s trying to give a different version of his lifestyle to his DP for some reason. Like showing him he’s wealthier than is reality in an almost “look what I’ve achieved” dynamic. Especially with the expensive wine and the delivered flowers.

If they know wine and know pricing then maybr they think you are much wealthier than you are (hence being hapoy for DH to pay when go for joint meals). It seems like mixed messages coming form your DH to his DP and one I’d be wanting to set straight.

other thoughts
I’d feel a big sad as a GP at all the gestures like it’s a big one off favour rather than something I can do more frequently to see my DGC
and
i would t leave wine for any babysitter and wouldn’t have someone drinking when babysitting my 1 year old (for first time?)
and
your MiL shouldn’t be driving even with one glass of wine. Maybe technically under limit (not where I am!) but to me shows poor judgement. Other option was she had none and FIL has a whole bottle himself which again seems odd choice for babysitting duty

I’ve never paid £30 for a bottle of wine to drink at home in my life! And certainly not for someone else to drink!

I babysit and am a GP mid seventies . I do it because I want my DS and DiL to have e a break . I would not want presents , just leave me a nice ready meal . I would find all those gifts excessive and ott .

That’s what I’m thinking, he doesn’t want his family to know he’s skint, so making these big gestures, I’d be very surprised if his parents knew they were financially struggling snd expected this sort of gesture.

and the fact rhe op is trying to blame the parents makes me think this is a no go subject with him

It's nice of him but I agree it sets an awkward precedent/expectations for future occasions. We had something similar-ish with a family friend who was considered sort of extra grandma to our kids. She would babysit occasionally if our usual (paid) babysitter couldn't cover. I would invite her round for dinner/takeaway with us beforehand and would tell her to help herself to more wine while we were out and I'd pay for a taxi home and get her some chocs as a thank you.

The second time my husband absentmindedly drew out cash and handed it over because it's what he usually did for our teen babysitter (£50) and she said thanks very much and pocketed it. I was kind of reluctant to ask her again as there would be an expectation that she'd get a wage as well as dinner, wine and taxi whereas babysitter just got the wage plus walked home safe and was much more economical both in cost and also time (as I didn't have to host a dinner first). I probably sound really mean ... and husband was a pillock for doing it, but i was also a bit shocked she was so keen to accept the cash. She wasn't hard up!